How Well Do You Know Your Outlandish “Bones” Murders?

There’s (sometimes) a motive to the madness.

  1. Check off all the murders you remember seeing over the last nine seasons of "Bones."
    1. 1 Killed by two geriatric burglars very much in love with the initial blow to the head coming from a pool ball in a stocking, wielded by the old woman.
    2. 2 Pushed into a meat grinder, cooked into a stew laced with horsemeat, then canned and served to schoolchildren.
    3. 3 Bludgeoned by a senator’s aide with a sledgehammer while standing on a cement floor covered in diatomaceous earth for being pregnant by a senator.
    4. 4 Killed in a blast from a gypsum-coated bomb in an SUV in the middle of Washington, D.C.
    5. 5 Killed and eaten by a cannibal coroner.
    6. 6 Shot over an extensive coin collection while trying to escape to Paris to live openly in an interracial relationship.
    7. 7 Pushed into a socket casing, killed with birdshot by a colleague, dumped in a tub full of lye by the three mothers of his children.
    8. 8 Hit in the head while rolling in an alley after confronting a pickpocket who’d paid him with stolen money, then thrown in a sewer grate wearing a Santa suit.
    9. 9 Killed by a knife used to kill horses, eyes gouged, and feet cut off in connection with an affair based on a mutual desire to role-play as horse and rider.
    10. 10 Killed by an angry pregnant lady for laughing in her face at the pregnancy, despite his prolific sperm donations, then incorporated into a beaver dam.
    11. 11 Hit with a reusable glass water bottle, then swept up by a clockwise-rotating tornado.
    12. 12 Traumatically head-butted, stabbed with a Bronze-Age femur, and burned in an explosion made to look like an accident with a lit cigarette and a teakettle.
    13. 13 Throat slit with a clay cutting wire by a neighbor unable to focus on his work because of constant singing, including some Nickelback.
    14. 14 Shot in the desert while high on peyote after witnessing a transaction related to counterfeit money, then torn apart by a coyote with a malformed jaw.
    15. 15 Murdered by a call girl, then dismembered and scattered by coyotes at an airport.
    16. 16 Drugged by teenagers, then hanged from a tree.
    17. 17 Hit with a climbing axe, pushed down a tunnel’s ventilation shaft for knowing about underground vaults full of priceless treasures, and scattered by rats.
    18. 18 Tied to a bed and eaten by angry dogs for being a teenage girl.
    19. 19 Pushed onto a parking space bumper, then kicked with tap shoes by an angry pageant girl.
    20. 20 Shot after cheating on his three sister wives by their father, then eaten by cornfield-dwelling muskrats.
    21. 21 Hit in the head with a motorcycle helmet, then torn apart by the pinsetters in a bowling alley.
    22. 22 Beaten to death with a gold bar by an angry forensic investigator for being a Nazi.
    23. 23 Killed by a stapler to the head after discovering two fellow office workers copulating, then thrown down an elevator shaft.
    24. 24 Sawed into 13 pieces by a mother upset that her son disturbed her routine with the severed head buried under a birdbath.
    25. 25 Killed by an older brother in retaliation for throwing cow’s blood on a drugged girl to terrify her on film, then decapitated “at the behest of a ghost.”
    26. 26 Crucified, disemboweled, and set on fire on a rooftop with a commemorative coin in connection with an FBI frame-up from the ’60s.
    27. 27 Killed and left in the desert to be scavenged by vultures after winning her bet on herself for a bareknuckle boxing fight that the bookies refused to pay.
    28. 28 A plane crash landing in a golf course bursting into flames, killing all passengers.
    29. 29 An accidental blow to the head by a bedpost after being pulled off a ladder. Then buried in a community garden for being pregnant by a rich man.
    30. 30 Mesothelioma as the result of a cancerous bone transplant sold by a nefarious mortician.
    31. 31 Neck snapped for participating in the planting of 300-year-old skeletal remains underwater to encourage futile exploration for a lost pirate treasure.
    32. 32 Hit in the head with a 25-pound weight, then crushed in folding bleachers after being discovered for receiving oral sex from a cheerleader.
    33. 33 Trapped under a mountain of hoarded items after being hit in the head with a fan.
    34. 34 Startled to the point of heart attack by a car’s horn, then discarded in a patch of quick-growing climbing plant.
    35. 35 Hit in the head with a grout scraper and discovered during a Civil War reenactment.
    36. 36 Given coffee laced with eye drops that cause diarrhea, shot, photo shoved down the throat, then dumped into an outhouse tank.
    37. 37 Killed with a pry bar by a jealous and unwilling business partner, then thrown into a secluded mud pit the killer had used for romantic assignations.
    38. 38 Hit in the head by a silver chalice after being slowly killed by the poison of a yew tree for bringing scandal to a small church, then buried.
    39. 39 Hit in the head with an ancient golden chalice inlaid with narwhal tusk.
    40. 40 Killed over drugs and a rape accusation, stuffed into a suitcase, and later discovered by a homeless man and brought to a pawnshop.
    41. 41 Killed by a dog for threatening to expose an illegal dog-fighting ring, then eaten by opossums.
    42. 42 Hit in the head with an ice pick, then buried alive in concrete by a man who sawed off his own leg to lend authenticity to his own faked death.
    43. 43 Impaled on a gear shifter after rejecting the advances of a man tailing the pornographic bus tour the victim was kicked off of, then fed to an alligator.
    44. 44 Poisoned, boiled, bones removed and sold.
    45. 45 Strangled with a silk tie, then burned in an explosion after attempting to baby-trap the son of the diplomat with whom she was having an affair.
    46. 46 Electrocuted and then burned in a car after a child abduction related to a witness in a criminal case.
    47. 47 Drugged, stabbed in the ear, and burned on the grave of a National Guardsman for threatening to reveal the murder of an Iraqi family by U.S. soldiers.
    48. 48 Pushed out a window by a jealous child, while clutching a rose.
    49. 49 Stabbed to death for the baby she was pregnant with, which was then removed and swapped out for an already dead baby killed by its mother accidentally.
    50. 50 Hurled onto a large spike in a basement to obscure the guilt of a murderous soul-harvester.
    51. 51 Asphyxiated by methamphetamine and mummified behind a wall for planning to switch record labels.
    52. 52 Blown up in an SUV by a jealous husband who was angry about her violent radical-leftist activities in the ’70s.
    53. 53 Slowly poisoned with antifreeze by a cult leader, then buried in a mass grave.
    54. 54 Strangled by a gymnast with a weak left hand, dumped in a park, then struck by lightening.
    55. 55 Drowned in a septic tank after fleeing a car crash chased by a crooked parole officer.
    56. 56 Hit in the head, lowered down a cliff’s face on rock-climbing gear, then scavenged by a hawk.
    57. 57 Hit in the head with the mother-of-pearl handle of a poker at a duke’s estate, then placed in a car that’s pushed into a river.
    58. 58 Stabbed with a pitchfork, then cooked in a hot compost pile while trying to find the woman assumed to be his lover — in fact, his illegitimate child.
    59. 59 Accidentally killed with a shovel while putting silly and mildly offensive things in a municipal time capsule, then sealed in the time capsule.
    60. 60 Pushed into a moving plane propeller by a rival astronaut who found out he’d likely be replaced on a mission, then dropped from a plane into a field.
    61. 61 Head trauma resulting from a spring-loaded bolt stunner used to kill pigs in connection with a series of bank safety box robberies.
    62. 62 Train crash caused by impact with a car placed on the tracks containing a dead heroin addict disguised as a man trying to short the stock of his company.
    63. 63 Frozen, dismembered, and fed into a wood chipper.
    64. 64 Drugged with a narcotic while bound under ransom.
    65. 65 Assaulted and stabbed, then dropped from a building while wearing a superhero costume.
    66. 66 Stabbed by a high-end chef’s knife and left in a wooded area where the bones began to glow because of a phosphorescent bacteria found in seafood.
    67. 67 Stabbed by a husband disguised as his bodyguard.

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