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How Well Do You Know Your Outlandish “Bones” Murders?

There’s (sometimes) a motive to the madness.

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  1. Check off all the murders you remember seeing over the last nine seasons of "Bones."

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    Killed by two geriatric burglars very much in love with the initial blow to the head coming from a pool ball in a stocking, wielded by the old woman.
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    Pushed into a meat grinder, cooked into a stew laced with horsemeat, then canned and served to schoolchildren.
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    Bludgeoned by a senator’s aide with a sledgehammer while standing on a cement floor covered in diatomaceous earth for being pregnant by a senator.
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    Killed in a blast from a gypsum-coated bomb in an SUV in the middle of Washington, D.C.
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    Killed and eaten by a cannibal coroner.
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    Shot over an extensive coin collection while trying to escape to Paris to live openly in an interracial relationship.
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    Pushed into a socket casing, killed with birdshot by a colleague, dumped in a tub full of lye by the three mothers of his children.
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    Hit in the head while rolling in an alley after confronting a pickpocket who’d paid him with stolen money, then thrown in a sewer grate wearing a Santa suit.
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    Killed by a knife used to kill horses, eyes gouged, and feet cut off in connection with an affair based on a mutual desire to role-play as horse and rider.
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    Killed by an angry pregnant lady for laughing in her face at the pregnancy, despite his prolific sperm donations, then incorporated into a beaver dam.
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    Hit with a reusable glass water bottle, then swept up by a clockwise-rotating tornado.
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    Traumatically head-butted, stabbed with a Bronze-Age femur, and burned in an explosion made to look like an accident with a lit cigarette and a teakettle.
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    Throat slit with a clay cutting wire by a neighbor unable to focus on his work because of constant singing, including some Nickelback.
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    Shot in the desert while high on peyote after witnessing a transaction related to counterfeit money, then torn apart by a coyote with a malformed jaw.
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    Murdered by a call girl, then dismembered and scattered by coyotes at an airport.
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    Drugged by teenagers, then hanged from a tree.
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    Hit with a climbing axe, pushed down a tunnel’s ventilation shaft for knowing about underground vaults full of priceless treasures, and scattered by rats.
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    Tied to a bed and eaten by angry dogs for being a teenage girl.
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    Pushed onto a parking space bumper, then kicked with tap shoes by an angry pageant girl.
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    Shot after cheating on his three sister wives by their father, then eaten by cornfield-dwelling muskrats.
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    Hit in the head with a motorcycle helmet, then torn apart by the pinsetters in a bowling alley.
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    Beaten to death with a gold bar by an angry forensic investigator for being a Nazi.
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    Killed by a stapler to the head after discovering two fellow office workers copulating, then thrown down an elevator shaft.
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    Sawed into 13 pieces by a mother upset that her son disturbed her routine with the severed head buried under a birdbath.
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    Killed by an older brother in retaliation for throwing cow’s blood on a drugged girl to terrify her on film, then decapitated "at the behest of a ghost."
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    Crucified, disemboweled, and set on fire on a rooftop with a commemorative coin in connection with an FBI frame-up from the '60s.
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    Killed and left in the desert to be scavenged by vultures after winning her bet on herself for a bareknuckle boxing fight that the bookies refused to pay.
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    A plane crash landing in a golf course bursting into flames, killing all passengers.
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    An accidental blow to the head by a bedpost after being pulled off a ladder. Then buried in a community garden for being pregnant by a rich man.
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    Mesothelioma as the result of a cancerous bone transplant sold by a nefarious mortician.
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    Neck snapped for participating in the planting of 300-year-old skeletal remains underwater to encourage futile exploration for a lost pirate treasure.
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    Hit in the head with a 25-pound weight, then crushed in folding bleachers after being discovered for receiving oral sex from a cheerleader.
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    Trapped under a mountain of hoarded items after being hit in the head with a fan.
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    Startled to the point of heart attack by a car’s horn, then discarded in a patch of quick-growing climbing plant.
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    Hit in the head with a grout scraper and discovered during a Civil War reenactment.
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    Given coffee laced with eye drops that cause diarrhea, shot, photo shoved down the throat, then dumped into an outhouse tank.
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    Killed with a pry bar by a jealous and unwilling business partner, then thrown into a secluded mud pit the killer had used for romantic assignations.
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    Hit in the head by a silver chalice after being slowly killed by the poison of a yew tree for bringing scandal to a small church, then buried.
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    Hit in the head with an ancient golden chalice inlaid with narwhal tusk.
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    Killed over drugs and a rape accusation, stuffed into a suitcase, and later discovered by a homeless man and brought to a pawnshop.
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    Killed by a dog for threatening to expose an illegal dog-fighting ring, then eaten by opossums.
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    Hit in the head with an ice pick, then buried alive in concrete by a man who sawed off his own leg to lend authenticity to his own faked death.
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    Impaled on a gear shifter after rejecting the advances of a man tailing the pornographic bus tour the victim was kicked off of, then fed to an alligator.
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    Poisoned, boiled, bones removed and sold.
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    Strangled with a silk tie, then burned in an explosion after attempting to baby-trap the son of the diplomat with whom she was having an affair.
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    Electrocuted and then burned in a car after a child abduction related to a witness in a criminal case.
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    Drugged, stabbed in the ear, and burned on the grave of a National Guardsman for threatening to reveal the murder of an Iraqi family by U.S. soldiers.
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    Pushed out a window by a jealous child, while clutching a rose.
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    Stabbed to death for the baby she was pregnant with, which was then removed and swapped out for an already dead baby killed by its mother accidentally.
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    Hurled onto a large spike in a basement to obscure the guilt of a murderous soul-harvester.
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    Asphyxiated by methamphetamine and mummified behind a wall for planning to switch record labels.
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    Blown up in an SUV by a jealous husband who was angry about her violent radical-leftist activities in the ’70s.
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    Slowly poisoned with antifreeze by a cult leader, then buried in a mass grave.
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    Strangled by a gymnast with a weak left hand, dumped in a park, then struck by lightening.
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    Drowned in a septic tank after fleeing a car crash chased by a crooked parole officer.
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    Hit in the head, lowered down a cliff’s face on rock-climbing gear, then scavenged by a hawk.
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    Hit in the head with the mother-of-pearl handle of a poker at a duke’s estate, then placed in a car that’s pushed into a river.
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    Stabbed with a pitchfork, then cooked in a hot compost pile while trying to find the woman assumed to be his lover — in fact, his illegitimate child.
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    Accidentally killed with a shovel while putting silly and mildly offensive things in a municipal time capsule, then sealed in the time capsule.
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    Pushed into a moving plane propeller by a rival astronaut who found out he’d likely be replaced on a mission, then dropped from a plane into a field.
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    Head trauma resulting from a spring-loaded bolt stunner used to kill pigs in connection with a series of bank safety box robberies.
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    Train crash caused by impact with a car placed on the tracks containing a dead heroin addict disguised as a man trying to short the stock of his company.
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    Frozen, dismembered, and fed into a wood chipper.
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    Drugged with a narcotic while bound under ransom.
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    Assaulted and stabbed, then dropped from a building while wearing a superhero costume.
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    Stabbed by a high-end chef’s knife and left in a wooded area where the bones began to glow because of a phosphorescent bacteria found in seafood.
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    Stabbed by a husband disguised as his bodyguard.
 
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