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17 Horrifying Stages Of Preparing For Your First Colonoscopy

I'm pooped.

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1. It's the eve of you paying someone to put a camera up your butt and take a look around. Your heart beats quickly as your vision goes dark.

4. Someone asks if you want to hang out, but you can't make plans because you can't eat or drink anything except this drink your doctor gave you to make you poop.

7. You thought you could maybe turn this into a quiet night in, but nothing about your intestines is quiet anymore.

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You're wondering what show you can watch that will still make sense even though you leave the room every 10 minutes to shit again.

8. You were patient at first. It's been hours. HOURS. And there are still signs of life in your bowels.

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"There's more. How. How?" you murmur meekly, peering at the ragged scraps still making their way out of you as your intestines buck and roil.

15. The next day, you wake up in a fog of hunger and make your way to the doctor's office, a haunted look in your eye.

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You will get to your appointment early and still they will make you wait — 20 minutes, 30 minutes, 40 — time ticks by as cruel doctors with their camera-butt-tubes lurk behind closed doors. At last, they whisk you away and sedate you.

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