25 Captain Holt Quotes That Prove He Is The King Of "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"

    He is the great poet of the Nine-Nine.

    Anthony Orlando
    by Anthony Orlando

    BuzzFeed Contributor

    Brooklyn Nine-Nine remains one of the greatest sitcoms to come out on television in recent years, and it's partially thanks to the incomparable Captain Raymond Holt.

    Holt staring at Terry while sitting at his desk in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
    Universal / Via youtube.com

    Shakespearean actor Andre Braugher shines as Captain Holt in practically every scene he's in, making his character one of the most beloved in the entire show. And so, let's take a look at the 25 Best Captain Holt Quotes in Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

    WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!

    25. "I don't care for cheese. I'm a curd-mudgeon."

    Holt telling a joke to Terry in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
    Universal / Via youtube.com

    Holt telling a bad joke will never not be funny.

    24. "You gotta do whatcha gotta do. Captain Raymond Holt. What's up?"

    Holt flirting with a woman in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
    Universal / Via youtube.com

    He's the man every woman wants, and the one they can never get. But his words will never fail to make women (and Jake) melt like butter.

    23. "A bold personality. We know what that's code for. She's a bitch."

    Holt watching television and eating in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
    Universal / Via youtube.com

    Harsh words to give to a show dog.

    22. "If you excuse me, Sergeant Wells. We need to go to the BRB. It's BRB time. We're BRB-ing."

    Holt escorting Terry away while speaking to Sergeant Wells in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
    Universal / Via youtube.com

    Holt just always has trouble being hip. And yet he will always be relevant.

    21. "I will slit you both open from mouth to anus and wear you like jackets."

    Holt threatening Jake and Amy in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
    Universal / Via Hulu

    Whoa, things just got medieval. But that's the Halloween Heist for you.

    20. "The night shift stinks. Stinks like a butt."

    Holt holding a drink and talking to his precinct in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
    Universal / Via Hulu

    Tell it how it is, man!

    19. "Why is no one having a good time? I specifically requested it."

    Holt talking to Terry, Amy, Hitchcock, and Scully in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
    Universal / Via youtube.com

    Oh, if only it were that easy. The world would be a much better place.

    18. "I'm a human. I'm a human male."

    Holt sitting at his desk with glasses in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
    Universal / Via Hulu

    Yeah, that's not what a human says. It's what a robot says when he's trying to blend in with human society. No wonder he is mistaken for a bot on Twitter in this scene. You have to wonder if Holt is also mistaken for a robocaller often.

    17. "Well, Terry, if you'd like, I could share a lewd story. Kevin got me…quite horny this morning."

    Holt standing with Jake and Terry, talking, in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
    Universal / Via youtube.com

    Hot.

    16. "She was such a strong female woman with nice, heavy breasts."

    Holt walking and talking in Florida in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine
    Universal / Via Hulu

    This is how heterosexual Holt describes his "totally real" dead wife.

    15. "Captain Wuntch, good to see you. But if you're here, who's guarding Hades?"

    Captain Holt talking to Captain Wuntch in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
    Universal / Via youtube.com

    And thus, the ultimate rivalry was introduced to us all. This is only one of the many hilarious insults Holt gives to his mortal enemy: Madeline Wuntch.

    14. "You know me. I see a pair of thick, weighty breasts, and all logic flies out the window."

    Holt power-walking with his friend in Florida in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
    Universal / Via youtube.com

    Any time Holt pretends to be a straight man is flat-out hilarious.

    13. "There is nothing more intoxicating than the clear absence of a penis."

    Holt talking to a security guard in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
    Universal / Via Hulu

    Seriously. If you didn't know him, at this point, you'd have to know he was faking it.

    12. "D-D-D-D-D-D-D-Derek! D-D-D-D-D-D-D-Derek!"

    Holt dancing at a kid's birthday party in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
    Universal / Via Hulu

    Captain sure knows how to rap. Happy birthday, Derek!

    11. "Wuntch-time is over! BOOM! DID IT! Ha, ha! Had it both ways! No regrets."

    Holt smiling after insulting Madeline Wuntch in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
    Universal / Via youtube.com

    Holt just cannot resist the chance to one-up Madeline Wuntch.

    10. "I see you have a knife, but what you need is an umbrella. Cause there's a @$%! storm gonna rain down on you…PUNK!"

    Holt threatening a criminal in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
    Universal / Via Hulu

    Let this one be a lesson to you all. Never steal Holt's dog, Cheddar, or else you'll awaken his inner John Wick.

    9. "Wuntch is dead! BAGEL! BAGEL! BAGEL!"

    Holt smiling at Amy in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
    Universal / Via Hulu

    Ding-dong! The Wuntch is dead! In one of the few times we see Holt smile, the Captain celebrates the death of Madeline Wuntch the way New Yorkers do, with bagels. It's pretty inappropriate to celebrate someone's death like this, but it is hilarious to see him screaming "BAGEL" at everyone.

    8. "No, from now on, call me…Velvet Thunder!"

    Captain Holt in a police vest talking to Jake in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
    Universal / Via youtube.com

    Just the way he says this line is enough to have us all gushing.

    7. "Vindication!"

    Holt screaming victoriously in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
    Universal / Via Hulu

    Holt just loves balloon arches. So much so, that when he learns Rosa loves them just as much, he can't help but cheer.

    6. "If you love someone, you'll remember what they look like."

    Holt talking to his precinct in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
    Universal / Via Hulu

    Damn, Captain.

    5. "YOU TOOK THE WRONG FLUFFY BOY!"

    Holt screaming at a criminal before punching him in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
    Universal / Via Hulu

    Once again, NEVER STEAL CHEDDAR!

    4. "Yas queen!"

    Holt snapping his fingers at Terry in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
    Universal / Via youtube.com

    Holt sure knows how to play the gay card, and that finger snap with his stony expression just makes this moment perfect.

    3. "BOOST MY BOTTOM!"

    Gina trying to push Holt up into a truck as he yells in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
    Universal / Via youtube.com

    Holt doesn't even need to stand up to a great captain. He just needs a little boost.

    2. "HOT DAMN!"

    Holt celebrating after winning a bet against his precinct in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
    Universal / Via youtube.com

    Holt has always been quite the gambler. Though it did become an addiction for him in the past, it is still hilarious to hear him making this victory chant after guessing why Amy was late for work.

    1. "BONE!"

    Holt screaming in his office while Amy and Rosa listen in "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
    Universal / Via youtube.com

    When Holt is arguing with Kevin over the Monty Hall problem, Rosa suggests they just need to relieve stress. Though she was warned by Amy, she then utters the forbidden word that sets Holt into an absolute frenzy. There are so many great things about this scene, including Holt holding onto the door frame, screaming, Amy curling up in her chair like a scared child, Rosa just checking her fingernails, waiting for it all to blow over, and Holt just popping on and off every 10 minutes for nearly an hour. This classic scene ultimately asserts his dominance as the true king of the Nine-Nine.

    Do you agree with this list? Were there any great Holt quotes that we missed? Please let us know in the comments section below.