What The Fuck Is The Plot Of The Musical In "High School Musical?"

Ms. Darbus, explain yourself.

Hey. Remember High School Musical?

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Of course you do. That film is a cinematic masterpiece.

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But despite all the things that make this film so amazing...

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... There is one thing that makes pretty much zero sense: The musical within the musical. You know, the one the entire plot revolves around?

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Here's basically everything we know about this musical:

The name is "Twinkle Towne," with the archaic spelling of the word "town." So it takes place in the past? Maybe?

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It is apparently a Ms. Darbus original.

The costumes and sets for the show are all over the place. There's this gold dress a random girl is sewing in detention:

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This giant-ass moon, that shows up in Troy and Gabriella's "Breaking Free" audition:

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So...maybe it takes place in space? Why else would the moon be that big?

That elaborate tree that Troy staples a single leaf to:

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BTW, does Troy know how leaves work? I'm not sure that he does.

And then there's this FREAKIN' CAMEL:

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What? What? Why is there a camel? WHAT IS GOING ON?

Now let's talk about the weird-ass characters in this musical. The two leads are named Arnold and Minnie.

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K.

Based on "What I've Been Looking For," Arnold and Minnie are longtime friends who recently took their relationship to the next level.

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"Thought I was alone / with no one to hold / but you were always right beside me."

Also, can we talk about the fact that this entire musical was composed by this teen girl?

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Why does Darbus get any credit for this show again?

Her show is totally bonkers, but still. Well done, Kelsi.

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Anyway. "Bop to the Top" implies Arnold and Minnie become some sort of showbiz power couple, who are maybe Latino.

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And then there's "Breaking Free," which features Arnold and Minnie achieving a very vague dream.

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Oh right, that place.

Based on the callback list, there seem to be only three characters in addition to Arnold and Minnie.

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There's "The Incredible Mr. Schain." Who is he? A magician? A circus ring leader?

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There's Johnny Omni. Perhaps "Omni" is short for "omnipotent?" Is Johnny some sort of omnipotent, benevolent god?

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Finally, there's the tragically obscured fourth role in the play.

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We can only imagine what nuance and depth this unknown character brought to "Twinkle Towne."

In summation, "Twinkle Towne" is fucking insane. To quote Sharpay, I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

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It's almost as insane as a basketball player who bakes.

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I said almost.

And don't even get me started on that meta shit in High School Musical 3.

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Darbus, just stick with "Oklahoma" next time. Seriously.

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H/T Tumblr user ilovetextingandscones.

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