back to top

15 Neopets Games That Weirded You Out As A Kid

Neopia was a little effed up, TBH.

Posted on

1. Web Of Vernax

neopets.com

Featured Neopet: YOU are a Spyder Petpet.

Why It Gives Us NeoNightmares: Your goal is to "trap your food in the smallest corner possible." You're being taught how to make others extremely uncomfortable for your own benefit. Great work, Neopets game creators.

2. Carnival Of Terror

neopets.com

Featured Neopet: The classic Chia-robot clown hybrid.

Why It Gives Us NeoNightmares: It's definitely the root of anyone's clown fears, because your main goal while playing is to shoot Chia robot clowns sent by Dr. Sloth, whose life goal is to enslave all Neopets. Also, explosives and pies fall from the sky. Seriously.

3. Meepit Juice Break

neopets.com

Featured Neopet: The Meepit, which is literally described as a "spooky Petpet." SPOOKY.

Why It Gives Us NeoNightmares: Basically, you're controlling a giant juice machine that feeds orphan Meepit children so they get their "Juppie juice." But the whole time the little guy looks SO pissed off and ungrateful. Who comes up with this?

4. Ice Cream Machine

neopets.com

Featured Neopet: The adorable, fashionable Chia.

Why It Gives Us NeoNightmares: While this game may seem innocent and adorable, the backstory is that this Chia is trapped in a nightmare where the ice cream she eats is out for revenge. It COULD be a good lesson to kids to eat healthy? But, that's pushing it.

5. Extreme Potato Counter

neopets.com

Featured Neopet: In the normal Potato Counter game, it's the Kacheek, but in this game, it's some hardcore cat with dinosaur spikes. NO IDEA, DUDE.

Why It Gives Us NeoNightmares: Potatoes fly past the screen and you have 15 seconds to guess how many you just saw. Every level, the potatoes fly faster. And we played this game a lot as kids. So, wow.

6. Toy Box Escape

neopets.com

Featured Neopet: There are different ones in every level, so, pretty much all of them.

Why It Gives Us NeoNightmares: Your characters are trapped in this strange toy land with blocks and coins, BUT there are often deathly spikes and/or you have to BURN THINGS TO THE GROUND in order to escape. Please remember this is a children's game. Thank you. Proceed.

7. Hasee Bounce

neopets.com

Featured Neopet: The Hasee, which is actually a Petpet, if we're gonna be specific.

Why It Gives Us NeoNightmares: The point is to grab doughnuts floating by to get more time on the clock, and play until time runs out. But there's some weird shit flying through the air, too, like green chunks of phlegm and seashells. WHY?

8. Meerca Chase

neopets.com

Featured Neopet: The Meerca! The adorable virtual hamster-like creature your parents never let you have as a child.

Why It Gives Us NeoNightmares: The whole point of this is to snatch up "Neggs," which look like water balloons with faces. A red Negg will basically poison you and you'll die.

9. Mynci Beach Volleyball

neopets.com

Featured Neopet: The Mynci, AKA the creators got lazy and made a Neopet that is just a monkey.

Why It Gives Us NeoNightmares: Every once in awhile, the net gets super tall or super small, and a bird flies by and yells things at you. So, this game is for anyone who has had dreams of feeling high AF while playing beach volleyball as a monkey.

10. Chia Bomber

neopets.com

Featured Neopet: The ever-popular Chia.

Why It Gives Us NeoNightmares: This game is unnecessarily violent. Basically, Chia Neopets are running through the streets, "attacking each other with mud-slinging bazookas." What happened to just playing with water guns?

11. Snowmuncher

neopets.com

Featured Neopet: Dieter the Polarchuck Petpet, whose star quality is that he's always hungry. Relatable.

Why It Gives Us NeoNightmares: The objective is to eat as much as possible, but Dieter gets bloated if he eats too much. So you have to remember to grab bottles of Bloat-B-Gone as you travel down through the ice blocks.

12. Destruct-O-Match

neopets.com

Featured Neopet: None.

Why It Gives Us NeoNightmares: Though it's one of the original Candy Crush-like games (the first Destruct-O-Match came out in '04!), there's an entire storyline surrounding the puzzles you have to beat. Think Jurassic apocalypse, but you're seeking vengeance against something called the Giant Omelette. Not joking.

13. Faerie Bubbles

neopets.com

Featured Neopet: Faeries aren't technically Neopets, so, none.

Why It Gives Us NeoNightmares: So, you're given a CANNON to shoot bubbles... with other bubbles. And the worst, most dangerous combo you can create is an "Air Combo." The best is the "Fire Combo, " teaching children that they should definitely play with fire because it's GOOD.

14. Freaky Factory

neopets.com

Featured Neopets: Not any *real* Neopets, but small Neopet figurines.

Why It Gives Us NeoNightmares: Honestly, this game is pretty boring, but the instructions say the point is to "show the dark side behind making the toys your Neopets play with." Why expose young children to the "dark side" of anything joyful? WHY?

15. Splat-A-Sloth

neopets.com

Featured Neopet: Two pissed off Grundos who were formerly imprisoned by evil Dr. Sloth.

Why It Gives Us NeoNightmares: Not only are you basically an accomplice in helping these Neopets kill the relatives of their enemy, but the sloths fly by so quickly that you honestly have to have insane reflexes or you'll lose before you get a chance to really play. It's bullshit and makes us want to quit life.

You can still play all of your favorite Neopets games here.

Every. Tasty. Video. EVER. The new Tasty app is here!

Dismiss