We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us their worst, funniest, and most insane breakup stories. Here are the fascinating results.
1. The tooth travesty:
"I was broken up with on the same day I got my six wisdom teeth taken out. Yes, *six* teeth. I couldn’t speak because of the gauze and the pain, so I had to write 'WHY?' — along with the rest of the conversation — on a freakin' piece of paper."
2. The saintly split:
"In high school, I had a boyfriend who was basically the poster boy for Christian school kids. One night he called me at 1 a.m. to say, 'I had a dream that God told me to break up with you...so I’m breaking up with you.' It wasn’t very godly of him."
3. The Florida flop:
"This guy I'd been dating for a while decided it was time for me to meet his family. They were in Florida and we were in Colorado, so we flew down for Thanksgiving. The whole time he was acting weird, and after I kept confronting him about it, he told me he wanted to break up with me when we got home. I was pissed, so I dumped him on the spot, even though we still had two more days in Florida. I had to sleep in the same room as my now ex-boyfriend!"
4. The triple whammy:
"I once was broken up with via text, on my birthday, while I was out of town for a friend's funeral."
5. The extraordinary exit:
"I went on a little road trip with my ex about an hour and a half from the town we lived in, but we got a hotel room because we were planning on drinking and didn't want to drive back. We went out and had a good time, and all night he kept saying how much he loved me, and how happy he was. Then we went back to the hotel room, had sex, and I fell asleep. I woke up around 4 a.m. to pee, and he and all of his things were gone. I checked my phone and there was a text from him saying, 'You're amazing, but I just can't do this.' Oh, and he had driven us there, so I had to call someone to come pick me up."
—Stephanie Black, Facebook
6. The christening commotion:
"In 2016, my then-boyfriend's family was having a baptism party for his niece. We went to church that morning, and I even helped set up the party after the ceremony. But when the party started, he pulled me aside and told me he wanted to break up, and in front of his whole family told me that I needed to leave the party. It was so fucking embarrassing."
7. Dad's dumb move:
"I was with the father of my daughter for almost two years when he convinced me to quit my job, finish school, and take our baby to move in with his mom while we house hunted. Meanwhile, he slowly moved in with a woman he was seeing on the side. How did I find out? He gave me his old phone to use, which was still linked to his account, and I learned he'd been cheating with multiple women since I had gotten pregnant."
8. The ruined day of romance:
"In high school I was dating this guy who I thought was the coolest. I introduced him to my best friend, and even she approved. Of course on Valentine's Day, we had a date, but he didn't show up and didn't call. I was completely broken, crying on my mom’s lap all night. A couple of days later, he called, saying he spent that day with my best friend and they determined they were supposed to be together. They even got married after high school."
9. The parental preference:
"He broke up with me two days after Christmas saying, 'I'll always choose my mother over you.' Two years I'll never get back."
10. The inconvenient inhabitant:
"I broke up with my boyfriend of two years when I found out he'd been cheating. Unfortunately, he'd moved into my apartment a year before, but was never on the lease, so I asked him to leave. He insisted I was being unfair, so I told him to take time to find something while I paid the rent. I spent the next FIVE MONTHS staying at my parents', because he supposedly couldn't find a new place. My brother-in-law ended up having a brief conversation with him to get him to actually leave."
—Melissa Gunn, Facebook
11. The treacherous text:
"I dated this guy for seven months. He was weirdly hanging with another girl, though 'nothing was happening' with her, and I was about to move, so we broke up. Months later, we started emailing, and when I came back to see family twice a month, we'd hang out. This went on for three months, and I was considering getting back together. One weekend, we spent a fun day together, and then I woke up at 4 a.m. to a text from him, explaining how we couldn't see each other anymore, because he was going to be a FATHER with the same girl he said 'nothing was happening' with before we broke up the first time. I read the text, deleted it, and never talked to him again."
12. San Fight-cisco:
"I'd been dating a guy for a year who was 15 years my senior, and for my birthday he surprised me with a trip to San Francisco. His friends and I generally got along, but some of them thought I was a gold digger. On my birthday, we'd all had a lot to drink, and on the cab ride to the next venue, his friends came after me, telling me I had nothing to bring to the relationship. My boyfriend did not defend me. I stopped the cab, walked back to the hotel room alone, packed my bags, and spent the rest of my birthday at an airport trying to fly home. We broke up the next day. The worst part is I was so hammered that I can't even remember what triggered the altercation!"
13. The birthday breakup:
"I was dating this guy at the start of my senior year of high school. My 18th birthday was in November and I had a GIGANTIC party planned. We were great the whole night, and at the end of the party I walked him to his car. I joked, saying, 'I’m legal now,' went in to kiss him goodnight, and he recoiled, saying that he was breaking up with me. I started bawling my eyes out, and he walked me back to my house, right up to my parents, and shook their hands, telling them it 'was nice knowing them.' He turned and left, and I was just a hot mess. Even worse, I later learned he had gotten another girl pregnant."
14. The disastrously drawn-out delay:
"My boyfriend of four years came home for the weekend from college so we could break up in person, because we didn't want to do it over the phone. He showed up to drive me home from my basketball tournament so we could have ~the conversation~ afterward...except I'd fallen and landed on my head during the game, resulting in a VERY BAD concussion, so he had to take me to the hospital instead. Both my parents were at work, so he had to sit with me at the hospital for hours until one of them came. Then, only after all that, did we finally have the talk."
15. The vile voicemail:
"When I was 19, I was dating this older guy. We hadn't had ~the talk~ agreeing to be exclusive, but I wasn't seeing anyone else, and naïvely assumed he wasn't either. After a few weeks, I wasn't hearing from him as often, and one day I woke up to a voicemail from him. Instead of listening to the message, I just called him back, saying sorry for missing his call. He had no idea what I was talking about and rushed me off the phone. I listened to the voicemail, which was an audio recording of him having sex with another woman. I was devastated, and to avoid further embarrassment I just ghosted him."
16. The troubled traveler:
"My first love and I were on-and-off for four years. During our final 'on' stage, he decided to move from North Carolina to Philadelphia to ~find himself~. I was heartbroken. We said our final goodbye, and I got very depressed. Months later, I found out that he never actually relocated and was still in North Carolina! I confronted him about it, asking why he didn't tell me, and he responded, 'It just happened. And I still don't wanna be here, so I didn't think I had to tell you.' WHAT."
17. And the big-decision backfire:
"My ex-fiancé was offered a lucrative job overseas, and after much discussion, we decided I’d stay behind, sell our apartment, then join him. That took three months. A week after I got there, he sat me down to tell me he met someone else — and asked if she could move in instead. He insisted he meant to tell me before I moved across the world to be with him, but there was 'never a good time.' I stayed in the country, and met my now-husband two months after, while my ex has since lost his job and girlfriend. Karma's a bitch."