1. "As president of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee, I find fun in layering push-up bras."
"I contour what cleavage I have, stuff socks in my bra, the whole shebang. I could never actually wear this out in the world (I'd be too embarrassed and I have conservative parents) but it's nice to dream."
2. "I’ll pretend that I’m talking to Barbara Walters or am on The Today Show."
"I do 'interviews.' I'll take on roles like I'm being interviewed as a newly appointed Supreme Court judge or a lifestyle guru or bestselling author. I just talk through and respond to questions. It's my favorite way to get chores done and is actually pretty helpful for actual job interviews because I'm constantly practicing casually and gracefully giving answers."
4. "Turns out, your body won’t really let you crap yourself."
"I once bought a diaper from CVS because I wanted to know what it felt like to shit myself before I was old. Went home and sat in my room for hours in a diaper. Turns out, your body won't really let you crap yourself, so I drank three gallons of water so I could at least pee so it wouldn't be a complete failure."
5. "I sometimes walk around wearing my shirt as a skirt and my pants on my arms."
"Along with this, I also wear socks as mittens and mittens as socks. Just because it's weird and sometimes I feel like doing weird things."
6. "I like to let my pubes grow really long, and I like to stroke them when I'm alone."
"While I'm stroking my pubic hair, I place the hairs in between my fingers, then pull hard on them and take my hand out of my underwear. Usually, a few hairs will come out and I like to place them onto a napkin, tissue, or table near me so I can look at them later."
8. "When I'm alone, I sit on my bed and pretend to record YouTube videos."
"I've never gotten around to creating my channel. I really go in-depth with my videos. I'll do Q&As, Get Ready With Me, and Storytimes. Maybe my dreams will come true one day."
9. "When I'm home alone I sometimes put a pillow up my shirt and pretend I'm pregnant."
"I don't do anything strange I just go about whatever else I was doing whether it be doing dishes, school work, or just sitting around."
11. "I sit on my bed, facing the balcony, and I watch the people walking outside."
"Normally I try to imagine what kind of things they're experiencing in their lives and what methods they use to overcome their struggles. It's my odd way of dealing with depression and finding a solution to get myself motivated."
12. "When I'm alone, I like to just talk in random accents to no one in particular."
"My favorite is the Australian accent, even though I'm completely terrible at it."
14. "It's only when I am alone that I can finally feel free."
"I breathe. And sing. And dance. And talk to myself. I feel free. Whenever my family is around, my lungs feel like they are a supernova, collapsing into themselves. It's only when I am alone, never lonely, that I can finally feel free. So the weirdest thing I do is breathing. It's feeling free."
15. "I recite sayings or carve sigils into things in my room or write them on Post-Its or on myself."
"Witchcraft. I recite sayings or carve sigils into things in my room or write them on Post-Its or on myself. They're spells for good luck on tests and being safe walking home on campus and that kind of stuff. Nobody knows because they'd think I'm crazy but it really works."
17. "I put on full-on concerts in my room when my roommate is gone. Like, FULL-ON."
"I will dress up and dance and sing and address the crowd with anecdotes on 'what this next song means to me.' Really embarrassing when my roommate comes home early and hears me shout, 'HOW Y'ALL FEELIN' TONIGHT, CHICAGO?'"
18. "I compare my cats head to the size of fruits and I honestly don't think it's that weird."
"There might be something wrong with my cat because she's huge but a mango is smaller than her head. Is that weird?"
20. "When I'm alone, I like to go to my roommate's room."
"She has a collection of baseball cards, which are stacked in perfect mounds. I like to grab a handful and stick it under her pillow. When she finds them she gets really mad at me, and I have to make her dinner. I like hiding and screwing with people's stuff for some reason."
21. "Sometimes I have to swindle my cat out of a million dollars to keep her from taking over the world."
"I run around the house pretending to be a spy. Shooting an invisible gun and ducking behind walls to avoid invisible bullets. Performing acts of espionage. Sometimes I have to swindle my cat out of a million dollars to keep her from taking over the world. I lead a ~very~ exciting life."
23. "I lie on the floor and pretend I'm a dying worm."
"Like, almost every time I'm alone. If it's not too hot, I get inside a sleeping bag and THEN pretend I'm a dying worm. I also like making random whale noises."
24. "I read out loud when I'm alone. It's kind of an attempt at voice acting and at proofreading my writing."
"Sometimes I even record myself doing it like I'm doing an audiobook and listen to it back. I hate the sound of my own voice, I think I sound like a child, and this is my way of getting over that."
26. "I like to put on some really chill and nice music and do a naked photo shoot of myself."
"First off, I'm a photographer so I have a few pieces of fairly expensive equipment. So, when I'm alone I like to put on some really chill and nice music and do a naked photo shoot of myself. I pose in all different positions and photograph all different angles, and it just makes me feel really pretty and confident."
27. "Just last week I was screaming 'FUCK' over and over for 30 minutes."
"When I'm alone, I like to cuss randomly. Just last week I was screaming 'FUCK' over and over for 30 minutes. Honestly it's a big stress reliever and a good way for me to get my anger out."
29. "When I'm home alone I really like to walk on my hands and knees."
"It started out as a way to stretch my back, but I've found it to be so fun that I can't wait for everyone to leave sometimes."
30. "I love singing and acting out scenes from my favorite musicals."
"Not just humming, but full-on belting and acting. Music and singing have always been an escape and a way to express myself, so after a long day the perfect way to end it is with a strong pick-me-up musical theater number."
32. "I swoop around with a blanket around my shoulders, like it's a billowing cloak."
"I could be a witch, an old-timey detective, or a king in luxurious clothes. Grand entrances are made and I am a fabulous person."
33. "I like to pretend to have long, involved arguments."
"Not just with people who I've been with during the day. No, these are completely made-up situations with me muttering away and gesturing. I find it helps to keep me sane while working retail."
35. "My typical day of being alone consists of a shower in which I insert a butt plug that stays in for the remainder of my alone time."
"Then I continue to do the following in nothing but my dinosaur or unicorn underwear: singing '80s music at the top of my lungs while making eggless cookie dough, then eating it while either playing video games or watching porn."
36. "I play out my favorite characters doing awesome stuff."
"I have a pretty rich imagination and when I'm alone, I have a Spotify playlist full of epic music that I like to crank up while I play out my favorite characters doing awesome stuff in my mind. My go-to has always been Harry Potter going on Auror-related adventures, but lately I've been imagining Daenerys finally arriving in Westeros. There's a lot of jumping around the room involved and some play-acting. Sounds weird, but it gets the heart pumping and makes me happy."
38. "I made my own MASH-style game that I take pretty seriously."
"I write a list of the people that I 'date' along with the dates of the relationship, and I keep track of any 'children' that I have with them. I go through three or four notebooks a month because of it. I have an Excel sheet with a massive list of celebrity crushes that I pick from until the sheet is empty, at which point I print off a new one and start over. I have pretty bad anxiety, and I find it helps me stay grounded, and helps my brain from wandering to things it shouldn't be focusing on."
39. "I have an imaginary boyfriend."
"In bed at night, I go to what is essentially a fantasy world in my mind and spend time with him."