So, we need to talk about masturbating when you're sad, because apparently it's A Thing.
AKA, sadsturbating, mastursobbing, or whatever you want to call using masturbation to distract yourself, to feel better, or to straight up induce a cathartic cry by helping your hormones go haywire through a good ol' trusty orgasm.
It makes sense as a concept, sure, but I hadn't realized it was an actual, recognized, Urban Dictionary-defined behavior until not one, not two, but THREE of my friends responded to my complaints of crushing existential despair by telling me to masturbate.
Exhibit A:
OK, I thought, my friend is super in touch with her emotions and sexuality and has some highly specific coping mechanisms. But then...
Exhibit B:
OK, I thought, maybe this is just a symptom of having sex-positive oversharers for friends. Still doesn't mean it's A Thing.
BUT THEN.
Exhibit C:
After that, I couldn't help but ask around at work (y'know, straddling the line between HR violation and investigative reporting), and responses fell into one of three camps:
# "Yeah, sadsturbation is totally a thing."
# "Oh, huh, yeah I guess now that you mention it, that makes sense."
# "Uh, no."
At that point, there was no denying it: THIS IS A THING AND WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT.
So, okay, can masturbating as a pick-me-up really work? Sure it can.
Obviously, masturbation feels good on a physical level, but there's a lot going for it that makes it a pretty effective response to sadness.
"It relieves stress, it helps you feel more relaxed, and it does boost endorphins and testosterone levels, which can improve your mood," Dr. Madeleine Castellanos, psychiatrist specializing in sex therapy and author of Wanting to Want, told BuzzFeed Health when I called for an #expert opinion on whether or not this was legit.
Or, you might find yourself crying after masturbating, which can help you have a healthy ~emotional release~ on top of a physical one.
There are a ton of reasons this might happen and it'll be different for everyone, but according to Castellanos, when you orgasm, there's such a shift in hormones, oxytocin, endorphins, etc., that it can easily trigger a strong emotional reaction.
So, that response might be related to an emotion (like feeling happy, sad, lonely, overwhelmed, generally verklempt, etc.), or it might just be because you've been a little emotionally stuffed up lately and your body finally has a way to let it out thanks to that orgasm. So, tears.
And if the tears come, Castellanos definitely recommends letting it out and feeling your feelings because not only is crying itself a great stress reliever and cathartic AF, but also, suppressing emotions is good for NO ONE. "If you keep yourself from the full expression of it, you never really fully give it release, so it sticks around," she says.
Obviously you shouldn't do it all the time, in case it turns into a crutch.
If you find that getting yourself off is the only way you have to cheer yourself up, that's when it becomes a problem, says Castellanos. You don't want to wind up in a place where you can only deal with sadness via sadsturbation session, so, you know, make sure you're mixing it up when it comes to mood boosting activities so it's not all masturbation all the time.
Also, you want to be careful because you might wind up conditioning yourself to get horny whenever you're sad and that's awkward.
Think Pavlov's dogs, says Castellanos: If you're masturbating every time you're sad, sadness might start to trigger some internal Marvin Gaye and your body will be all, "Oh, sad again? Guess it's time to masturbate! LET ME JUST GET HORNY REAL QUICK."
So just...keep that in mind.
THE POINT IS if you're doing it in a healthy way, it can be awesome.
"If you use it for the purposes of making yourself feel better, it’s important to allow yourself to really celebrate feeling vital, feeling sexy, feeling powerful, feeling pleasure, and to understand that that feeling can be beyond masturbation," says Castellanos.
If you do all that — and enjoy in moderation — go ahead and EMBRACE SOME SADSTURBATION.
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vote votesYup, I love masturbating when I'm sad
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vote votesI don't set out with the intention of sadsturbating or whatever, but I'm all for a good post-masturbation cry
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vote votesEvery once in a while is cool
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vote votesI tried it and it was THE WORST
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vote votesNope, but now I'm going to try it
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vote votesUh, no
