1. Sometimes you lie.
2. You do little things for your friends just for the hell of it.
3. You're on time more often than not.
4. You work through your fights the same way you would with a romantic partner.
5. You are genuinely excited and proud of your friends' accomplishments.
6. You admit when you're jealous instead of letting it eat at you.
7. You don't expect your friends to initiate and choose the plans all the time.
8. You don't say, "Let me know if you need anything," when they're going through tough stuff.
Your heart is definitely in the right place when you make yourself available this way, but what you might not realize is that saying this puts the burden on your friend when they're already going through a hard time, says Bonior. You probably know from personal experience that it can be so hard to ask for help.
Instead, offer as specific help as possible. Things like, "I'm going to the grocery store, can I pick you up anything?" or "Do you want to come over and really get your mind off things with a Netflix binge with me?"
BUT WHAT IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO HELP? So real. Then you ask, as specifically as you can, what you can do. Some questions Bonior suggests that might help: How can I help you best? Would it help for you to be able to talk about this? Should I wait to bring this up first? Do you need me be a distraction? Would you rather me share my similar experiences?