I'm Sorry Matt Stopera, But You Couldn't Be More Wrong About NSYNC And Backstreet Boys

What?

Guys, lately I've been hearing some strange things.

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Like, I've been hearing people...in my general vicinity...saying some really weird stuff, and I'm just like....

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Basically I'm rattletrapped because I never even knew it was possible to think...like I didn't know anybody would even...like it's not even conceivable that some people THINK BACKSTREET BOYS ARE BETTER THAN NSYNC??????????

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But apparently, some people, yes, some people, actually believe this falsehood. Let's go ahead and put an end to that right now.

NSYNC IS THE GREATEST BOY BAND OF ALL TIME. So how could Backstreet Boys be better? They couldn't. I could close the case right here.

Dan Callister / Getty

But no, let's actually go through some points.

Lucy Nicholson / AFP / Getty Images

(We don't even need to mention the obvious things like the fact No Strings Attached sold 2.4 million units in its first week, a record that stood for 15 years until Adele somehow broke it. We also we don't need to mention that BSB's Black & Blue only sold 1.5 million units its first week that same year.)

Let's go through each band's certified bops, starting with Backstreet Boys:

"I Want It That Way"

"Everybody (Backstreet's Back)"

"Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely"

"Quit Playing Games With My Heart"

I know some people are gonna complain that "Larger Than Life" isn't on here but that's because that song is certifiably wack. "That makes you larger than life"? What does that mean? Someone tell me, please.

NSYNC's certified bops:

"Tearin' up My Heart"

"I Just Wanna Be With You"

"Here We Go"

"For The Girl Who Has Everything (Club Mix)"

"(God Must Have Spent) A Little More Time On You"

"You Got It"

"I Need Love"

"I Want You Back (Radio Edit)"

"Everything I Own"

"Thinking of You (I Drive Myself Crazy)"

"Crazy For You"

"Sailing"

"Giddy Up"

"Bye Bye Bye"

"It's Gonna Be Me"

"Space Cowboy (Yippie-Yi-Yay)"

"Just Got Paid"

"It Makes Me Ill"

"This I Promise You"

"No Strings Attached"

"Digital Get Down"

"Bringin' Da Noise"

"That's When I'll Stop Loving You"

"I'll Be Good For You"

"I Thought She Knew"

"Pop"

"Celebrity"

"The Game Is Over"

"Girlfriend"

"The Two Of Us"

"Gone"

"Tell Me, Tell Me...Baby"

"Up Against The Wall"

"See Right Through You"

"Selfish"

"Just Don't Tell Me That"

"Something Like You"

"Do Your Thing"

+ all the Christmas songs.

Why were all the NSYNC songs certified bops? Because the boys of NSYNC are just flat-out better singers than the members of BSB. Like, is it even debatable? NSYNC had straight up a cappella songs on the albums. Not just in special performances — on the actual album. NSYNC is about voices first and foremost.

What NSYNC sounds like a cappella: Literal angels coming down to serenade your nap and/or lovemaking session.

(Singing starts three minutes in.) (Look how the fans cheer for Joey's part.)

What BSB sounds like a cappella: Second place at a high school choir competition.

Furthermore, NSYNC had a song with Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes. Does BSB even have any iconic features?

Hector Mata / AFP / Getty Images

Also, they had a song with Nelly, but let's not talk about that right now.

Let's just go member by member. We'll start with the leaders of the group. For NSYNC, this would be Justin Timberlake.

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You may have heard of him. He's best known for being a Grammy-winning solo artist, international superstar, actor, and generally chill, nice guy.

Beatboxing proficiency: 186/10

Nick Carter

Imeh Akpanudosen / Getty Images

He's best known for being Aaron Carter's older brother.

Beatboxing proficiency: Doesn't even beatbox.

JC Chasez

Jon Kopaloff / Getty

He's known for secretly being the best member of NSYNC, having great hair, and being the best pure vocalist from either group. Also known for his Timbs, his baggy jeans, and his thug appeal.

Hairosity: 6 billion

AJ McLean

David Klein / Getty Images

AJ was the number two for BSB. This guy. I'm not even gonna say anything else because I don't want to be too mean.

Hairosity: 7

Lance Bass

Michael Kovac

Critical stats: Name is bass and SINGS BASS. Tried to go to space. Does yoga with dogs. All around great guy.

Brian

George De Sota / Getty Images

Critical stats: Seems like a nice guy, but never did yoga with dogs that we know of.

Joey Fatone

Ashley Pon

Notable achievements: Name can be pronounced "fat one" which is fun to say, played a character named Angelo in My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

This guy.

Chris Weeks / Getty

I don't know who this is, but I know he's not as good as Joey Fatone.

Chris Kirkpatrick

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Never left the group.

Dreadlock rating: 100,000,000,000

Kevin Richardson

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Left the group, then, flip-flopping like Mitt Romney, came back.

Dreadlock rating: Never had dreadlocks.

But the real reason NSYNC is better, historically: they knew when to quit.

Wikipedia / Via en.wikipedia.org

Look at this grainy image. Three years, three timeless albums.

Meanwhile, Backstreet Boys are still trying to recapture their faded glory. They don't know when to quit.

(This is actually BSB's best performance.)

Like, if you're this deep into this post, you're probably a pissed off BSB fan. OK, you're such a big fan, name your favorite song off In a World Like This.

See, Backstreet Boys have released four albums since Black & Blue, tarnishing what would have been an incredible legacy. NSYNC has no bad albums to point to. They will be remembered fondly, for generations to come, like Mozart.

And that, my friends, makes them larger than life.

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