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Okay But What If Football Were A Battle Between Literal Mascots?

Like, literally.

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The Super Bowl is this weekend, Tom Brady, blah, blah, blah.

Bob Levey / Getty Images

Let's talk about something fun like: who would win the Super Bowl if it were played by two teams of literal mascots?

  1. So like: Falcons vs. Patriots

    11 actual falcons
    Via EcoPic / Getty
    11 actual falcons
    Via EcoPic / Getty
    11 patriots, (including Mel Gibson)
    Via Sony Pictures
    11 patriots, (including Mel Gibson)
    Via Sony Pictures

Okay But What If Football Were A Battle Between Literal Mascots?

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So like: Falcons vs. Patriots
  1. 11 actual falcons
     
    vote votes
    11 actual falcons
  2. 11 patriots, (including Mel Gibson)
     
    vote votes
    11 patriots, (including Mel Gibson)
  1. An example from the playoffs: Dolphins vs. Steelers. Who would win in a fight?

    11 actual dolphins
    Via Binty / Getty
    11 actual dolphins
    Via Binty / Getty
    11 steel workers
    Via Alfred T. Palmer / Stringer
    11 steel workers
    Via Alfred T. Palmer / Stringer

Okay But What If Football Were A Battle Between Literal Mascots?

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An example from the playoffs: Dolphins vs. Steelers. Who would win in a fight?
  1. 11 actual dolphins
     
    vote votes
    11 actual dolphins
  2. 11 steel workers
     
    vote votes
    11 steel workers
  1. How about the Bears vs. the Lions?

    11 (chill-ass) bears
    Via davidrasmus / Getty
    11 (chill-ass) bears
    Via davidrasmus / Getty
    11 (cuddly) lions
    Via stobi_de / Getty
    11 (cuddly) lions
    Via stobi_de / Getty

Okay But What If Football Were A Battle Between Literal Mascots?

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How about the Bears vs. the Lions?
  1. 11 (chill-ass) bears
     
    vote votes
    11 (chill-ass) bears
  2. 11 (cuddly) lions
     
    vote votes
    11 (cuddly) lions
  1. Giants vs. Packers

    11 giants
    Via HBO
    11 giants
    Via HBO
    11 packers (people who worked at a meat canning facility)
    Via Archive Photos / Stringer
    11 packers (people who worked at a meat canning facility)
    Via Archive Photos / Stringer

Okay But What If Football Were A Battle Between Literal Mascots?

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Giants vs. Packers
  1. 11 giants
     
    vote votes
    11 giants
  2. 11 packers (people who worked at a meat canning facility)
     
    vote votes
    11 packers (people who worked at a meat canning facility)
  1. Raiders vs. Texans

    11 raiders (nobody is really sure what the Raiders mascot is, but it appears to be some type of pirate)
    Via Disney
    11 raiders (nobody is really sure what the Raiders mascot is, but it appears to be some type of pirate)
    Via Disney
    11 Texans
    Via Jed Jacobsohn / Getty
    11 Texans
    Via Jed Jacobsohn / Getty

Okay But What If Football Were A Battle Between Literal Mascots?

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Raiders vs. Texans
  1. 11 raiders (nobody is really sure what the Raiders mascot is, but it appears to be some type of pirate)
     
    vote votes
    11 raiders (nobody is really sure what the Raiders mascot is, but it appears to be some type of pirate)
  2. 11 Texans
     
    vote votes
    11 Texans
  1. What about Cowboys vs. Broncos? (Would the cowboys be on horses?)

    11 cowboys
    Via bootsandbling / Getty
    11 cowboys
    Via bootsandbling / Getty
    11 broncos
    Via vicuschka / Getty
    11 broncos
    Via vicuschka / Getty

Okay But What If Football Were A Battle Between Literal Mascots?

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What about Cowboys vs. Broncos? (Would the cowboys be on horses?)
  1. 11 cowboys
     
    vote votes
    11 cowboys
  2. 11 broncos
     
    vote votes
    11 broncos
  1. Panthers vs. Vikings

    11 panthers
    Via Mizu001 / Getty
    11 panthers
    Via Mizu001 / Getty
    11 vikings
    Via Khosrork / Getty
    11 vikings
    Via Khosrork / Getty

Okay But What If Football Were A Battle Between Literal Mascots?

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Panthers vs. Vikings
  1. 11 panthers
     
    vote votes
    11 panthers
  2. 11 vikings
     
    vote votes
    11 vikings
  1. It's unclear how this would work but: Jets vs. Rams

    11 jets (various sizes)
    Via leolintang / Getty
    11 jets (various sizes)
    Via leolintang / Getty
    11 rams
    Via wingbeats551 / Getty
    11 rams
    Via wingbeats551 / Getty

Okay But What If Football Were A Battle Between Literal Mascots?

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It's unclear how this would work but: Jets vs. Rams
  1. 11 jets (various sizes)
     
    vote votes
    11 jets (various sizes)
  2. 11 rams
     
    vote votes
    11 rams
  1. And finally: Saints vs. Browns

    11 saints (possibly frail)
    Via jovanjaric / Getty
    11 saints (possibly frail)
    Via jovanjaric / Getty
    11 browns (nobody knows what a brown is)
    Via ultramarinfoto / Getty
    11 browns (nobody knows what a brown is)
    Via ultramarinfoto / Getty

Okay But What If Football Were A Battle Between Literal Mascots?

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And finally: Saints vs. Browns
  1. 11 saints (possibly frail)
     
    vote votes
    11 saints (possibly frail)
  2. 11 browns (nobody knows what a brown is)
     
    vote votes
    11 browns (nobody knows what a brown is)

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