1. Reservoir-tip beanies.
The further off your head a beanie is the more of an asshole you look like. Sorry, it's just facts.
...or worse, a slouchy "L.A." beanie.
Are you storing your vape in that extra fabric?
2. Plaid board shorts.
It's not 2003.
3. Pants that are too fucking long.
It's amazing that some dudes who actually dress decently can't grasp how long their pants should be. Repeat after me: mid-ankle, mid-ankle, mid-ankle.
4. Blazers that are too fucking tight.
We can tell that you literally cannot raise your arms. Nothing is less sexy than being visibly uncomfortable.
5. Ironic graphic tees.
You don't need to advertise your terrible sense of humor.
6. V-necks, man.
Nobody wants to see your cleavage. American Apparel went bankrupt for a reason.
7. Joggers
If you want to wear sweats or track pants in public, just wear sweats or track pants with confidence. You're not fooling anyone just because your lazy-ass pants look kind of like khakis. They cinch at the bottom, they're pajamas.
8. Anything with a marijuana leaf on it.
Weed is tight. People know. You don't need to wear those socks.
9. Jerseys.
It's been 13 years since Jay-Z rapped "I don't wear jerseys, I'm 30-plus." Unless you're a teenager or at an actual sporting event, keep the jerseys inside your own domicile.
10. Watches that look like they're made out of Legos.
Watches are cool. They keep you from staring at your phone even more. But as with most things, simpler is better. You're not special ops, brah.
11. Pants tucked into your boots.
Who told you this was cool? They were lying. You're not Kanye.
12. Shoes that look like this:
That's gonna be a no from me, dawg.
...or this.
~shudders~
...and pretty much any kind of sandal.
Your feet deserve better.
13. Accessory overkill.
You get one or two accessories per outfit. Choose wisely.
14. Goatees.
Facial hair is good and fine, just not when it looks like this.
15. Vests over button-ups.
I swear there must be a class at every business school telling guys that vests = success. Don't believe it.
16. Cargo shorts.
It's time to let go.
