Warning: This post contains mentions of a miscarriage and a mass shooting. Please proceed with caution.
Breakups are really tough. It can be so, so hard to realize that the relationship you're in has run its course. Sometimes, though, you can pinpoint that exact AHA! moment when you stop and think, "Yeah, I'm done." I asked women in the BuzzFeed Community to share the "last straw" moments that resulted in them ending things with their significant others, and, Y'ALL. I am genuinely so goddamn proud of them for cutting off these walking red flags. Here are 17 of the stories they shared:
1. "He was in a club when I went into labor. I had been showing signs for days, but he still went. When I said I was leaving, he told me I should fight for our relationship. Ha! No thanks. Bye."
2. "I was with a guy for 10 years, and we had a 6-year-old daughter at the time. I suspected cheating after he started spending more and more time away from home. On one of his days off, he took our daughter to an arcade. Later that night, I was giving her a bath, and she told me that Carla went with them. He had his girlfriend hang out with them! I told him that I knew, and he said, 'Well, I'll just move out then,' and I said, 'Great!' It was hard adjusting at first, but I'm so glad we're not together anymore."
3. "I was with my (now ex) boyfriend for over two years at this point. We didn’t live together, so occasionally (like, once or twice a week) if I saw something fun or interesting that made me happy or that I thought he’d enjoy, I’d text him about it and sometimes send a picture. For me, it was a good way to stay connected and show I was thinking about him. He would never respond to what I sent with much excitement or feeling, which wasn’t completely abnormal for his personality, but I figured he at least appreciated the thought behind it. One day, there was a really cute dog next to me at a stoplight with custom gear in a custom van, which I thought was just all-around unique and funny. So, I sent a pic and joked about how this was such a cool dog and setup. His response was, 'Why would I care, it’s not my dog. I don’t get why you send me stupid stuff like this.'"
"There were plenty of red flags before this, but his response was such a blatant example of his selfishness and lack of empathy or any interest in my life. I ended things a few weeks later. I have no time for people who shame me for having joy and excitement for life."
—Anonymous
4. "My mom and dad were both in the hospital at the same time. My mom had a heart attack, and then a few days later, my dad was admitted with cellulitis. With my son (from a previous marriage) in school, three dogs at home, and still having to go to work, there was a lot going on. My then-husband’s boss told him he was going to give him the next three days off with pay to try to help us out. I could have cried from his compassion. When I expressed how amazing that was, my husband said that WAS awesome and he was going to fly with his brother to Florida for some much-needed rest."
"I was absolutely dumbfounded. Once I wrapped my head around what was happening, I told him if he went to Florida, he'd have to find somewhere else to live and we were done. When he packed up for Florida, he asked me how I could throw everything away over this. Seriously?!?! He really thought I was overreacting!"
—Anonymous
5. "After six years, I broke up with my ex because I saw a man die right in front of me at work. It was pretty traumatic for me and my coworkers. I called my ex after my shift to tell him what happened and how upset I was. He cut me off while I was telling him, asked me to get Hardee’s for him on my way home, and hung up. Once I got home, I told him it was over. I didn’t get his food, either."
—Anonymous
6. "I was dating someone when I was mid-20s who was very financially irresponsible. I was still figuring stuff out myself, and he manipulated me into letting him use my credit card for a car repair, then for business trips, and eventually for a vacation we took. On our anniversary, we spent all day in a car salesperson's office instead of doing something fun because he wanted a new car. I had been done for a while, but that was it. He owed me money when we broke up, and I ended up taking him to court, garnishing his wages to get the money, and putting a lien on the house until it was fully paid back."
7. "My husband was always buying things and then hiding the bills when they came in the mail. I found out after a year that he had bought a fishing boat for his best friend. I accidentally found a letter stating they were going to repossess it. I would find out about things he did from other people, too, and had to act like I knew to save face. The last straw was when he bought a racehorse and I found out from someone else."
—Anonymous
8. "I’d been dating this guy for a couple of years. I was divorced with two young children. The plan was that he would buy a house, we would move in together, and then we'd get married. He bought the house. Then he got a dog. OK, we all liked the dog. But…him telling me the dog was allowed to roam the house but my children were told to stay in the basement — which was not finished — was the final straw. I grabbed our stuff and left. He married another girl the following year."
—Anonymous
9. "Back when I was freshly 18, I met someone online, and we ended up dating. He lived in an entirely different country and, at one point, we talked about getting married. I realize now that this was unhinged behavior. We dated for less than a year, but in the last few months, things were really rocky. He was very possessive about who I spent my time with and often policed my interests, refusing to let me talk in-depth about the things I cared about. We fought every single night for months. Every time, I gave up on my interests and hobbies because they upset him so much to the point that I didn’t do much of anything but spend all of my free time with him."
"One night, I told him I was going to take some much-needed time for myself and be offline for a few hours. I decided to spend time reading a book and playing a video game I enjoyed. When I came back online, he flipped out on me, and we had an entire argument about how I had chosen to spend my free time. The final straw came when he sobbed on the phone to me and stated that it was cruel of me to spend my time with 'other men. The other men in question were BOOK and VIDEO GAME CHARACTERS.
When I explained how unserious this jealousy was, he doubled down and began laying into me, telling me that it hurt him that I found other FICTIONAL men attractive and that he hated consuming any media with me because he 'could tell that I wanted to date (character) instead of [him].' It really hit me just how unreasonably jealous he was, and a week later, I broke things off.
I almost ended up packing up my entire life for him, but I’m glad I didn’t. I just moved in with my current boyfriend of three years and couldn’t be happier."
—Anonymous
10. "Often when my ex and I got into a disagreement, he would completely stop talking to me anywhere from several days to a week. Each and every time, I would end up putting ALL the effort into getting our relationship back on track: apologizing, initiating sex, etc. One time after a big fight, I said, 'Not this time!' It was his turn to make things right for once. I was going to wait and see how long he would continue not speaking to me. It was a whole month!"
"I couldn't take it anymore, broke down and did the usual fixing. I realized he was SO prideful that he would let our relationship completely implode before apologizing or fixing it. I was never going to be important enough. I left him six months later."
—Anonymous
11. "I was with my husband for 10 years, and we had one daughter. The last straw was the day of the mass shooting in San Bernardino, California at the Inland Regional Center. That day was terrifying, and everyone I know — including his family — checked in to make sure I was OK. My daughter was in kindergarten at that time, and her school went on lockdown. That night while driving to dinner, he said I was being dramatic and that it wasn’t a big deal. That was the moment I knew this person did not care about me."
—Anonymous
12. "I spent a week in the hospital on complete bed rest in an attempt to save our baby from a threatened miscarriage. My husband asked me to get the names of the nurses so we could invite them around for a party afterward. I lost the baby on Valentine's Day, and all I got from him was an angry response when he found out I hadn't gotten their numbers. We divorced shortly after this."
—Anonymous
13. "My last straw was when he applied for, interviewed, and accepted a job that would involve being away from home for four months without telling me."
—Anonymous
14. "My last straw was on Mother’s Day. Two days before, we’d had a small argument. It was nothing monumental, just a regular couple's fight over something so silly I don’t even remember what it was. The day after, my daughter and I went out with my mom and auntie for lunch, then to my grandparent's place so they could see my daughter, the same as we did every week. My partner and I hadn’t had the chance to talk about the fight because he was still asleep when I left around 1 p.m. I got back around 6:30 p.m., and he completely ignored me, so I didn’t press the issue. I assumed he needed another night to cool off and that maybe he’d be ready to talk in the morning. The next day was Mother’s Day. My daughter and I were up long before him. He finally came downstairs and wished me a happy Mother's Day. I thanked him, thinking this was the start of us getting over the petty argument. He sat for a moment, then said, 'I’ve already been speaking to somebody else.'"
"I asked what he meant by that, and he explained that yesterday while I was out of the house, he’d found somebody online and had been chatting with her all day. I told him to watch our daughter because I needed to be alone in another room for a minute. I left the room furious and heartbroken, so I texted my mom straight away. I knew that was the final straw for me. My mom rang straight back, and we talked about it. His response was, 'You’ve told your mom already?'
All I could think about was how fast he’d found somebody else. His way of trying to ease the blow was by telling me, 'I told her I won’t have sex with her at the house until you’ve completely moved out.'"
—Anonymous
15. "After 15 years of marriage and three wonderful children, he STILL wanted to move somewhere where the grass was 'greener' every two years. He paid no mind to the fact that he had to have a job there. He was always a grump, grousing about everything, being mean to the children, and selfish. The final straw was when my 8-year-old son told me that it was always a happy time for him and his sisters when their dad went out of town because I took them places and we had so much fun. I still feel guilty about what they must have gone through."
16. "After almost a year of verbal and emotional abuse (interspersed with love bombing), I’d bought tickets to a theme park for his birthday. The day before, I went to the dentist to have a routine filling, and they drilled too deep and set off a nerve, meaning I had to have an emergency root canal the following day. I was in the worst pain, crying and throwing up all night. My mom had to drive me the following day because I could barely see. I sent him the tickets, and my mom called him for me (as I couldn’t talk) and explained that I couldn’t go but that I wanted him to take someone else and still enjoy his day. He sulked and hung up on her."
"He never asked me how I was, simply messaged me the day after to say I’d ruined his birthday and that if he had been in my shoes he’d simply have 'pushed through' the pain for me. I would always defend myself, but this time it flipped a switch in me that made me realize this person didn’t like or care for me, and that I had actually grown to hate and resent him. I was DONE with his tantrums.
A week later, I broke up with him (much to his shock). For me, it was a long time coming, and I felt only relief."
—Anonymous
17. And finally, "It was the very beginning of me seeing this guy. We had talked for three weeks, then it progressed into going on dates for another three weeks. He and I had slept together about a month and a half into everything. I stayed at his place — which was at his mom’s house — a few times. When it came time to meet my family — who I was living with at the time — my parents had a rule. They did not allow overnight guests unless they had met them prior. And I mean dinner and a conversation, not just a quick 'Hi, how ya doing' kind of thing. On the day he was supposed to meet them, he said his mom got sick. Then, it quickly became an emergency where she had a seizure. I asked if he needed me to come be with him, which he declined. About a week after the incident, we arranged for him to meet my parents again. He then told me he lied about the entire emergency with his mom and that he wasn’t ready to meet my parents. I immediately cut it off."
"In my mind, if he's already lying to me seven to eight weeks in about something that serious, it's a red flag and I need to cut it off. I broke up with him that night, went out to party with my friends to forget him, and ended up meeting my now-husband at the same party. So thanks, Derek, for being a walking red flag!"
—Anonymous
Women of the BuzzFeed Community — do you have a "last straw" relationship story? If you feel comfortable doing so, you can share your own in the comments below or via this anonymous form. You can find more of these stories here and here.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 (HOPE), which routes the caller to their nearest sexual assault service provider. You can also search for your local center here.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.