Dating in 2023 is...well...simultaneously the worst and the best. With how popular dating apps have become, it's certainly a lot easier to meet people you probably wouldn't have met otherwise and go on a date. It is also, however, much easier to match with the worst people you've ever met.
It can be really overwhelming to ~put yourself out there~ and also have your guard up enough to feel safe and comfortable while going out with someone for the first time. So, I asked some wonderful BuzzFeed readers to share their first date safety tips that they swear by — and that have saved them from a bad situation or two. Here are 19 of their best tips and tricks:
1. "The girls and I ALWAYS tell each other where we’re going, what time, and check in at least once or twice during the date. If the dude has a car, we tell them the make and model, car color, and license plate. If we go somewhere else with them, we tell them that place, too. Luckily, tech has advanced so we just have our locations sent to each other indefinitely, although we still tell each other all these things."
2. "I always, ALWAYS ask for a person's last name if we met on a dating app. If someone isn’t willing to tell me, I won’t go on the date. In case the worst should happen — I at least have the full name of the person. Also, I can’t tell you how many people I have met on dating apps that want to either meet at my home or theirs before meeting in public — also an automatic NO. I watch too much true crime to do that."
3. "Decide on a code word with a friend. If you send that word to a friend during the date, they'll call with an 'emergency' to get you out of it. Potentially have another code word to have them come get you or meet at the location, too."
4. "ALWAYS drive yourself. I’ve had too many dates where the boy picked me up and then I was stuck there. If the date is going poorly or you’re uncomfortable, you always want to have a way to leave quickly. Or, conversely — if you don’t drive — have a friend on standby that can come pick you up if you text them."
—Anonymous
5. "Always meet for the first time in a public place, like a bar or coffee shop. Make sure you know where the exits are, too."
6. "I always carry a Birdie — a small keychain alarm with an ear-piercing siren and flashing light — with me everywhere I go, especially on dates."
—Anonymous
If you — like me — weren't familiar with what a Birdie was before reading this, I've got you! They look like this, attach to your keys, and go for $29.95 on Amazon.
7. "I always buy my own drink (cocktail, coffee, etc.). With that, I can leave whenever I want to, whether it is because we aren’t vibing or it starts to feel unsafe. Because I bought my own drink, I’m under no pressure to stay 'because they bought me a drink.'"
—Anonymous
8. "Do not ever, ever, EVER!!!!! leave your drink unattended. Even at my favorite bar, when I go to the bathroom, I either finish my drink or pass it to the bartender or barback, and they keep it back there, out of the reach of others, until I come back. I don’t give a fuck if it makes me look 'paranoid' or if they give me the side eye. You've gotta stay safe."
9. "If you're getting a bad vibe, then tell someone at the location you're at. A waiter, bartender, a random girl in the bathroom. They will help you, I promise."
—Anonymous
10. "I always pay my share on the first two dates to ensure the person was not 'expecting' anything transactional out of me or would try to guilt me if I did not want to move forward with anything. This happened one time to me in college, and after that, I ensured to pay my way or for the whole thing if the date was especially bad. Angry, entitled men in a situation like that is not fun."
—Anonymous
11. "I have them ask 10 questions about me, and I in turn get to ask 10 questions about them. It usually ends up in lively conversation or a dead-end path. Very telling by what they ask, too."
12. "Check the women’s bathroom for code words to use with staff to help you stay safe. Most places ask that you order an 'angel shot' and they give variations based on if you want PD, Uber, Escort, etc. Be sure to check and see, because many places have these posted now, and they can really help."
13. "I work as bartender, and there was a girl who showed up early for date and told us that if she ordered a Manhattan, then she is uncomfortable. I've heard of 'angel shots' before, but think this is better, especially if it's in earshot of the date."
14. "I recently saw a TikTok where a girl explained that, if you live in an apartment complex and feel like someone is following you home, you shouldn't turn the lights on right away when you get inside. If you do, it can tip them off as to which exact unit you live in, because that window will suddenly light up. Instead, wait a little bit, and then turn it on. This definitely applies to having a date you don't know too well drop you off/pick you up at home, or if you feel like they might've followed you back."
—Anonymous
15. "If I’m going back to my date's place or inviting them to mine, I take a picture of their drivers license and send their social account(s) to my best friend. Then, if anything a happens to me, at least they’ll have a better idea of who did it."
—Anonymous
16. "I have a blanket policy to never travel in a date's car to a second location until a couple of dates in, even if I got good vibes from them when we met in person. Some people can hide creepiness pretty well at first, so you can't let down your guard immediately."
17. "If your date appears to be standing you up and a 'nice person' just happens to be nearby and wants to 'save your night' or strikes up conversation about being stood up, never fall for it. Some people do this so they appear to be the good guy even if they aren’t, and some do this to make it easier to play on your emotions. Get out of there."
18. "I used to use to my debit/credit card on dates, but after one especially horrible event where the man looked at my card when the waitress returned it to the table while I was in the bathroom, I now only ever use cash. He did not steal the credit card information, although that is a possibility, too. Instead, he got my full name off the card, found out where I lived via the internet, and then showed up to my apartment. It was super scary, and after that, I NEVER used my card again whilst dating."
—Anonymous
19. And finally, "Trust your gut! Even if you think it is a small red flag or ridiculous, just listen to your body. In the past, I've listened to my gut, and I avoided a lot of possibly dangerous situations."
Do you have a first date safety tip you swear by? If so, tell us about it in the comments below or via this completely anonymous form.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.