Recently, I shared 17 women's stories of subtle misogynistic "red flags" they've noticed in romantic relationships that they wish they'd caught on to waaaaay sooner.
Well, members of the BuzzFeed community just like you shared their own stories and subtle signs of misogyny they've experienced with romantic partners. Here are 18 things they learned:
1. "A regular reminder to the young ladies out there: That older guy doesn't think you're 'mature for your age.' Women his age see the creep in him. Tell. On. Him."
2. "When all their favorite content creators (writers, journalists, influencers, etc.) are white men. And they don’t even notice until you mention it — but then once they realize it, they quickly find a way to rationalize it to you and continue ignoring women and BIPOC creators."
3. "My ex-husband would literally say, 'Oh boy,' or, 'Here we go again,' every time I raised something I wanted done differently in our marriage. I wish I'd seen these signs more clearly before I walked down the aisle."
4. "When they correct you on literally EVERYTHING. My ex corrected me about the name of a certain muscle. I have a degree in health science, which involved no less than six anatomy or physiology courses, and I got 98% in all of them. He worked in finance. He would also 'test' me on things typically feminine like knowledge of makeup products or names of clothing styles."
5. "When we would enter a room together, he would immediately go off to do his own thing. He wouldn't let me know where he was going, let alone consider doing something together. It probably sounds weird to describe it as it was very subtle, but that definitely was telling of our dynamic: him doing what he wanted, and me left hanging."
6. "When they order for you on a date. I went out with a guy who insisted on buying me expensive cocktails when I said I wanted beer and was paying for it myself. He kept ordering the cocktails for me thinking I'd be impressed. I was not!"
7. "'Aww, you're cute and weird, I like that!' is a red flag. It gradually turned into him telling people that I was actually insane or a psychopath."
8. "When their opinion always matters more than yours. Ex: It’s your birthday, and you love sushi, but your BF hates it. He refused to take you to a sushi restaurant, even though they offer options other than sushi. Or he will drag you to whatever movie he pleases, knowing that you don’t want to see it. But he’s unwilling to sit through a movie that you picked but he isn’t interested in."
9. "We were married for 30 years, and over the years I achieved a much higher level of success and made three times his salary. Nonetheless, he was constantly reminding me that I was still less intelligent than him and just lucky because I am an attractive woman. I think we all know who was really smarter."
—Anonymous
10. "In addition to 'nice guy,' any man who describes himself as 'chivalrous' or 'a gentleman' on a dating app is an immediate left swipe. You don't have to say these things; your actions should show them."
11. "If they use the word 'hysterical' to insult you or degrade your feelings."
12. "When we watched movies and there was a scene with all women, my ex would always feel the need to comment, 'Here is the obligatory female scene to get the chicks to watch.' He said this emphatically during Endgame when the women had a fight scene. He made a similar comment with the latest Ghostbusters about how stupid the movie was going to be because of the female cast. As if women don’t or can’t contribute to a plot in any realistic way — we are just filler until the men can carry the plot forward."
—Anonymous
13. "When they insist on 'helping' you even though you don't want, need, or request their help. Especially with 'manly' tasks. Or they insist on 'keeping you safe' by following you home, making you walk on the inside of the sidewalk, or bragging about how they're always ready to 'defend their woman.'"
—Anonymous
14. "When they strongly identify with fictional characters who treat women poorly, because they think they're badass or cool."
15. "When they gatekeep masculinity and femininity. I was in a relationship with a guy for a year before it started coming out. We were talking about how we were raised, and I was sharing certain 'rules' that I had and didn't want my daughter to have. For example, growing up with brothers, they could walk around in boxers, but I once wore shorts and a sports bra, and my dad told me that was inappropriate. My then-boyfriend said, 'Well, girls should have different rules than boys.' I was curious, so I asked how he felt about gatekeeping virginity and having a different conversation with and attitude toward sons vs. daughters. He goes, 'Well yeah, I mean it’s just different.' That was the beginning of the end."
—Anonymous
16. "When men think you need to be told how to do something just because you do it differently than they do. He once said to me, 'Here, let me cut that for you because you're not doing it right.' Uh, no…I want to cut it this way, and if I wanted help, I'd ask. It’s degrading after years and years of it. Just because I do something differently than you does not make me wrong."
—Anonymous
17. "Whenever I said something with a slightly emotional tone, he would call me dramatic and flat-out stop listening. Also, he said he understood my 'feminine issues' (his words, not mine) because he had two sisters, then — once again — called me dramatic when he knew it was 'that time of the month.' He also joked that he would get a hotel room for the week when his mom and two sisters' periods would synch up."
—Anonymous
18. And finally, "Five words: 'You’re not like other girls…' 🤢"
BuzzFeeders, now it's your turn. What are some subtle but significant signs of misogyny you've noticed in relationships or even in friendships? Tell us about them in the comments below or via this anonymous form.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.