Have you ever dated someone that ended up being a total misogynistic a-hole, only to later realize all the small but significant red flags that hinted that they were, in fact, the worst?
Hindsight is always 20/20, friends.
"I once dated a man that interrupted me constantly. I, assuming it was unintentional, told him what he was doing, and he stopped. Then, he replaced doing that by saying, 'You talk a lot.' In reality, he talked fucking constantly, and any of my part of the conversation was maybe one-third of the time of his. Eventually he started using the phrase 'equal rights, equal lefts.' I can’t believe I stayed so long."
2. "When they write off your feelings because it's 'that time of month.' Yes, I might be a little bit more emotional than usual, but my feelings are absolutely still valid, and I deserve to be heard."
"Also, men who ask you whether you’re on you period when you have an argument."
3. "When they preface things with, 'You might not get this,' or, 'You might not understand this.' Yes, I am a girl. No, I am not an idiot."
"Especially when it's an extremely simple concept that he’s trying to explain. A guy that I work with was trying to explain his views on Roe v. Wade getting overturned and began it with, 'You probably aren’t going to understand this...' I’m a software programmer; I’m clearly not dense."
4. "When they seem to get more worked up about false rape accusations than over actual rapists."
5. "When they're super quick to put down media/books/music that is mostly enjoyed, created, and consumed by women. AKA, they think all rom-coms are trash and not 'intellectually stimulating,' but will happily sit through a three-hour, lowly rated action movie with no plot, just lots of gun shooting. You don't have to love Taylor Swift, but I'm gonna raise an eyebrow if you turn her off in the car because 'All she does is write break up songs.'
"I make a good living. I worked so hard to get where I am, and I can’t tell you how many MEN daily are like, 'What guy do you sleep with to get these things?' Like, no, women don’t need men to have nice things!!!!"
"Red flag saying from my ex: 'A normal amount of partners for a man is around 30, but a normal amount for women is around 10.' His favorite movie was a cringey high school comedy about trying to sleep with girls, too."
8. "When your S.O. complains about women in sports. Female athletes and sporting leagues should be seen as their own thing that operates in their own competition, rather than an extension of the men's league."
9. "If you mention something that is a fact and they question you each and every single time, even though you have a solid track record and don’t just talk out your ass."
"Refusing to take your advice or acknowledge your expertise is a huge red flag. I have a friend who always uses an escape room for her third(ish) date with new guys. She gets to see if they can work as a team, how they respond to pressure, and whether they will take advice from her about something low stakes. She had one memorable incident where she told a man who was trying to figure out a combination, 'Hey, there are some numbers here; try these ones.' He told her to 'shut the fuck up.' There was not another date."
10. "My ex used to jokingly say, 'Girls don't poop.' I didn't think much of it at first, but then I realized that he was placing me on a pedestal, and when I didn't live up to these unrealistic expectations of being this perfect, hot all the time, poopless fartless, sex machine, I was 'too much' or 'not enough' or a mess or whatever else."
"My grandmother used to tell this story about a distant male relative of hers who divorced his wife because he 'caught' her removing sock lint from between her toes. This was such a disgusting act to him that he couldn't stand to be married to her any longer. My grandmother always told this as a cautionary tale about how a woman always has to make sure to act properly or her husband would leave her. My mother didn't quite agree."
11. "When he tries to control things like where you go for dates and what you eat at a restaurant. He always has a reason, too, saying things like it's 'because he knows food better than I do.' He gives presents HE wants me to have, regardless of what I want/like."
12. "When he is shocked that you know anything about a stereotypically male topic."
"For example, I once went on a date with a guy that drove a DS Automobile. He thought that it was amazing that 1) I recognized the brand, and 2) I knew that DS is a premium model for Citroen, 'cause 'girls don't know cars.' SMH."
13. "When they tell you that you're being emotional and overreacting if you're upset about a legitimate issue. Also, if they tell you to calm down when you have strong reactions to things."
"This shows that they haven't actually cared enough about any women in their lives to know them because, if they did, they'd know that responses like 'you're overreacting/so emotional' and 'calm down' have never made any woman less upset in the hundreds of thousands of years that human species has existed."
14. "When guys don't ask you anything/refuse to let you talk on a date. I don't wanna be the passive and quiet; I want a real conversation."
15. "I find it odd when men never let you pay for anything. If I have a career and I’m making a decent income, then I want to pick up the tab sometimes. It feels infantilizing if they insist on paying each and every time. It's almost as though they don’t think I'm self-sufficient enough."
"It's not just the patronizing attitude. It's also setting a tone of being indebted to them, financially or morally. I've yet to see a man who insists on paying for absolutely every single thing in a relationship, who doesn't bring it up when shit hits the fan."
16. "Men who, at first, act very chivalrous, but over time go from opening doors for you to not letting your voice be heard. They usually act like a woman is a damsel in distress and constantly need a big, strong man to help them."
17. When men pretend to care about women's rights, but only engage with them in an abstract way, while continuing to embody the same problematic dynamics that they claim to hate in their personal lives. This is exactly why I roll my eyes at men who say, 'Not all men,' 'There's good men out there,' or, 'I would never do this and that.'"
"My good friend is married to a guy who is extremely involved in social justice movements. You would think he'd be more socially aware, but he talks over her constantly and openly patronizes her if he thinks she's said something wrong. It's so uncomfortable to watch."
"'My mother was only a housewife.' — My ex-boyfriend, who didn't really like women."
"Being a housewife is work. People don't acknowledge that enough."
"Unpaid work like that is never-ending — like a 9 to 5 job ends at 5 and has weekends off. A housewife is literally. always. on. No weekends off, no bonuses, no holidays. My god, the way women’s labor is minimized is absolutely infuriating."
19. "Every time a celebrity announced a pregnancy, my ex would go off on a rant about how they weren’t going to be hot any more and that pregnant women were 'damaged goods.' I asked him once if he’d see me as damaged good if I was pregnant, and he said that he would and that pregnancy was apparently a 'hall pass for men to cheat,' because it made women so unattractive. Then, he said I’d have a maximum of six weeks to get back in shape before he’d dump me."
"Fifteen years later, I'm married to an amazing husband and about to give birth to baby number three. I can’t even begin to tell you how badly my ex's comments have fucked up my mental health. Each pregnancy has been plagued by insecurity, doubt, body issues, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy."
BuzzFeeders, now its your turn. What are some subtle but significant signs of misogyny you've noticed in relationships or even in friendships. Tell us about them in the comments below or via this anonymous form.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.