Recently, I asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to share the dumbest things a customer ever asked of them. Like, so wildly unhinged that all you can really do is just slow blink and reconsider your existence and the fact that you certainly are not being paid enough to deal with people like this.
I got hundreds of absolutely bonkers submissions — here are 27 of the best (and worst) ones:
1. "A customer once wanted a refund for incense she'd purchased as well as reimbursement for the curtain she burned because we didn't specifically tell her not to lean a burning incense stick against fabric."
—Anonymous
2. "I work for the Post Office and had a customer (mid-20s-ish) come in and ask for a $250 money order. I printed it — this was in the old days before we had fancy equipment that requires payment before printing — and gave him the total. He looked at me in complete shock and said, 'I don't have any money. That's why I'm ordering it!' Oh, boy. Buddy, if it was only that easy."
—Anonymous
3. "I had a woman at the table I was serving order herself chips and salsa. That's normal, of course. She then placed her main order and asked that one of her tacos not have tomato, because she was allergic. I politely told her she should stop eating the salsa immediately if that was the case. She looked me straight in the eyes and replied, 'No, they are blended so it's OK.'"
—Anonymous
4. "A customer walked into the coffee shop I worked at and asked if they could sprinkle some of their deceased loved one's ashes onto their latte. I politely declined and explained that it was against health regulations to serve food or beverages with human remains in them."
—Anonymous
5. "I was working at a Disney resort and a guest asked what time they took the EPCOT 'golf ball' off its base and washed it in the lake in the World Showcase. I told him that never happened because the 'golf ball' was actually a building that weighed hundreds of tons, had a multistory attraction inside of it, and it was actually designed to be self-cleaning from the frequent Central Florida rains. He told me I was a liar and demanded to know what time it happened because he wanted to go out and see it."
"I didn't know how to be any clearer with him, so he was adamant that I get my manager who would tell him the truth. She walked out and said it gets washed 'between 2 and 3 a.m. on a rotational Thursday each month' and walked away. He looked and me and said, 'Now was that so hard? You should've just told me from the start.'
—Anonymous
6. "I worked at a Five Guys. I’ve had people ask me for lots of things we don't sell — pepperoni pizza, garlic Parmesan truffle fries, corn dogs, chicken nuggets, chicken tenders, and so on. But the weirdest request I got by far was from a very interesting lady. She asked if we could take a large soda cup and fill it with chocolate syrup from the milkshake station. We obliged, and then she grabbed a cup of the free peanuts and dipped them into the chocolate syrup, eating them shells and all. I don’t think I’ve ever fully recovered from that."
7. "I once had a customer come in to return something because apparently 'the color didn't look as nice when [she] got it home.' OK, fine, whatever. However, she then demanded that our clothing shop REFUND HER TRAIN TICKET because she had missed her train while coming into our store to return her item."
"There hadn't been a queue or anything, incidentally — she came in on the dot of opening hour and was served promptly and quickly. But she got irate when I told her that we, a clothing store, would not be able to refund her train ticket. She demanded to see my manager, who told her the same thing. Then, she asked to see the REGIONAL manager. It did not go her way and she left in a rage."
8. "I’m a waitress at a steakhouse, and I’ve had people ask me the difference between a baked potato and a mashed potato, and the difference between a fried steak and a fried chicken. You don’t know how hard it is for me to answer those questions with a straight face."
—Anonymous
9. "I worked at a bakery counter. One person came in and asked for recommendations. I said the coconut cookies were good, and she replied, ‘Oh, no, nothing with nuts!’"
—Anonymous
10. "I work at a university research library and once a patron asked me to clear her negative credit report. She insisted that there must be a way for me to erase all of her bad credit and significantly increase her credit score on the spot. When I explained she had to contact the credit reporting agencies to contest inaccuracies, she said, 'It's not inaccurate, I just need you to remove all of the negative things in my credit history! She argued with me for 20 minutes, not accepting that there was no way to fix her poor credit except to pay her bills on time, be financially responsible, and wait."
—Anonymous
11. "I'm a cashier at a retail drugstore. One day, a lady bought two bouquets of flowers. I put them each in a bag so the water wouldn't drip and set that on the counter. After she paid, I said thank you and handed her the receipt. She just stood there, staring at me. I asked her if she needed something else and she asked me, 'Do I pick these up now?'"
—Anonymous
12. "Some older ladies asked me, the girl folding clothes at a department store, to change the buttons in the elevator because they found them confusing."
—Anonymous
13. "Working in retail means customers will ask for your name constantly, which can actually be annoying or even embarrassing if your name can be easily mispronounced. For context, I am Hispanic and my name is Adolfo. Once while working in a suburb of Portland (a very white city), I was asked what my name was in 'English.' Before I could respond and say my name does not change based on language, the customer whispered, 'It's not, like, Adolf is it?!'"
—Anonymous
14. "I had a guy order a plain, toasted bagel at a coffee shop I worked at. He told me he wanted it heavily toasted, so I made sure that it was a nice dark brown. It wasn't good enough and he told me he wanted it darker. So I set the toaster to the highest setting and cooked another bagel that came out nearly black. Still wasn't good enough. So I ran the third bagel through the toaster twice on the highest setting. It literally caught on fire. I brought him this charred, burnt husk of a bagel and he was finally happy. He walked away eating a chunk of charcoal with cream cheese like it was the best thing he ever shoved into his face. To this day I still don't understand."
—Anonymous
15. "I worked on the phones for a major TV service in the UK, and I had two separate customers rant to me for a combined ~45 minutes, demanding that I tell my higher-ups to find new golf presenters, as they didn't like seeing women on TV presenting sports. One of the two said that he wasn't concerned that the women didn't know enough about golf, rather he simply disliked turning on his TV and seeing women there at all."
16. "A concierge on a cruise ship I was on got a call from a passenger. She said she was trapped in her cabin and couldn’t get out. He asked her how exactly she was trapped. She said there were two doors in her room — one went to the bathroom, and the other had a do-not-disturb sign on the door handle."
17. "Former travel agent here. I had a customer who wanted to get married in Lapland, Finland. Totally doable. What wasn't so doable however is that she wanted to arrive at the ceremony on a sleigh pulled by POLAR BEARS. When I explained the whole apex predator thing, she deadpan asked me if I could arrange for a polar bear that had been 'de-clawed' and 'cork' its teeth. Needless to say, she didn't end up booking with me."
18. "I worked at Ulta a long time ago. I got a customer who brought in a 'coupon' with several red flags. First of all, it was clearly fake — all our coupons started with 999 at the time and this one did not. It was also for something ridiculous like $75 off $100 purchase. To top it all off, it was expired. Needless to say, I told her I couldn’t accept it. I got cussed out and she threw all the things she was going to buy at me! Thankful the biggest item was a mascara."
19. "I worked for a company that manufactured electric blankets and a customer called me one day and asked if we would pay her for advertising our product. She said she kept the remote control on her night stand and our company's name was on the item. Since she had the control showing our name, she felt like she was advertising for our company."
"Tongue in cheek, I asked the lady how many people entered her bedroom and saw this control. Then I explained that we would not pay advertising fees for this."
—Anonymous
20. "I used to work at a sex toy store, and you'd be amazed at how many women would take the demonstrator model and try to touch their nether regions with it, and then give an absolute look of bewilderment when I told them they couldn't do that."
21. "I work in a public library. Someone once asked me, in all seriousness, for a photograph of Jesus Christ. I assumed that they meant a photo of a painting of Jesus, but no, they were adamant that they wanted an actual photograph of Jesus Christ. I had to carefully explain the timeline of the invention of photography and that it wasn't possible. I still don't think that they believed me, but they eventually walked away."
—Anonymous
22. "I was checking people in at an invite-only event. A woman who wasn’t on the list demanded I keep searching. When I politely repeated that I didn’t see her name, she got huffy and demanded I filter or re-sort my list. My list was a piece of paper."
—Anonymous
23. "I was doing calligraphy on holiday ornaments at Disney, writing family names and the year on them. A guest walked up to me and pushed her finger into my forehead. I looked up and she screamed, turned to her friend, and asked, 'How can they make the robots so real?' Stunned, I told her, 'I am real.' 'No. No. No. Robots shouldn't be able to interact with people like this,' she said, as she grabbed her friend by the arms and pulled her out of the store as fast as she could."
—Anonymous
