Leo Macallan is a trans model, author, and actor who also happens to have worked in blue-collar, generally conservative, and male-dominated settings like steel mills.
As a result, Leo was in the unique position of being able to observe cisgender men in their natural habitat, as it were. From this experience, Leo put together some tips for people who are uncomfortable in these types of settings, especially when there's a lot of toxic masculinity on display.
"Here's how you carry yourself around a group of men that feel intimidating and uncomfortable and unsafe to you. One: GO SLOW," Leo said in a TikTok video that went viral. "Walking fast, fast hand movements, they just read nervous. Say I was at the supermarket and I dropped [something]...I would lean down very, very slowly, very casually, like the laziest lion in the den."
This stunned me as a cis man, because I've never really noticed that men do this...but we totally do! Leo's theory is that "it's all about the presentation and the perception of who you are and what you're doing." So in essence, it's about projecting confidence and control, even if you're not actually confident or in control.
"My background is in literature," Leo told BuzzFeed. "As a writer, I’ve just always been an acute observer and storyteller. I think that paired with my experience of being transgender has offered me an incredibly unique perspective on human behavior. I have the privilege of describing the world through my eyes, and painting a picture other people can enjoy and also learn from."
Leo offers these tips as sort of a way to blend into stereotypically male spaces, but that doesn't necessarily mean he endorses these behaviors, at least for cis men. "I genuinely think male social spaces don’t have enough positive and/or healthy containment," Leo explained to BuzzFeed. "I’m not saying all men, but I do think that the majority of men haven’t been taught how to hold space for one another emotionally. Men have created a lot of pseudo behaviors to cope around one another as a result, which are so incredibly destructive and create a lot more disconnection."
For example, in the video, Leo talks about how he responds if a man tells an offensive joke to get a rise out of him. While most men are conditioned to laugh along and hide any hurt feelings to avoid confrontation or reprisal, Leo explains that he'll just stare, or even ask them to repeat or explain that, and "watch them squirm."
Leo wants to make it clear that this isn't a "men bad" situation. "Toxic patriarchal values have also HEAVILY affected men, not just women," he said. "These abusive, aggressive dudes are co-victims, too, you know? It’s like, his dad was hurt so he hurt him, now he hurts others, the cycle perpetuates itself. Men don’t know how to navigate their pain. So, as much as I offer these tips and practices for queer folks and women to put in place to protect themselves, I also do extend a lot of love and empathy toward these types of guys. They need help, and I truly hope our society makes more progress in that department. I’m here to do that work, too."
You can follow Leo Macallan on TikTok or YouTube for more videos about his experiences.
