Anyone who's ever been to a wedding knows that the biggest "wild card" moment is when people give speeches.
Reddit is packed with stories about bad wedding speeches, so here's a list of some of the most cringeworthy ones we could put together:
1.
"I work as a banqueting chef, and last year after the wedding had happened, vows said, rings exchanged, and bellies filled with food and wine, the groom stood to say the following: 'Today I married the woman of my dreams, and I'd like to thank her for everything she has done for me. I would also like to thank my best man, who has been fucking her since we got engaged'...
...With that, he mumbled a 'cheers,' downed his champagne, and got a taxi to the airport to start his honeymoon alone. It turns out he found out four months before the wedding and had told the father of the bride everything was costing more, [the father] was writing cheques to cover his little girl's special day, and all the money went toward the groom's new life out of the country."
—u/coolez-nunez
2.
"Father of the bride described her as the 'ugly duckling' of the family, got booed."
—u/Maihashi
3.
"The parents of the groom stood up there for their speech and went through each age (he is 30) and read blurbs from his report card. The speech itself was insanely long. At the end of it, they asked their son to please come back to their church."
—u/deleted
4.
"A couple years ago, my fiancé's best friend got married. He and two others were the best men, but only two of them had decided to say something, fiancé being one of them. Anyway, he gets up and tells a funny story about the groom being so nervous about the first date. Then, the second guy gets up and whips out a good 30 index cards, and not the normal small index cards, oh no, the big ones...
...We stood there for a good 25 minutes while this guy took us through every little detail of the groom and his friendship... We had to hear about them meeting for the first time as lifeguards, then them playing video games, complete with what video games and a play-by-play of what happened in said video games. It was the worst speech. Finally the DJ started playing music to get him to stop — the kid still had about 10 more cards to go."
5.
"The best man: 'When you told me that someday I would be your best man, I never thought it would be a half a year later. I just hope you know what you are doing.' They got divorced four months later (they had only been dating a couple months)."
—u/Nero29gt
6.
"At a wedding I went to recently, during his speech, the best man went off on a super-awkward tangent about how he lost his virginity to the bride and how he never would have guessed she'd end up with his best friend (the groom)."
—u/grapejam
7.
"My brother's best friend (been friends since childhood) gave a speech at his wedding that lasted about five minutes. He said nothing about the bride at all, only mentioned that my brother was a 'good guy,' and then proceeded to talk about his failed marriage (his ex-wife was in attendance), his child custody battle, and how much it pained him to see how happy the newlyweds looked since it brought back memories of his own failed marriage. To top it all, he spoke in a really even, unemotional monotone."
8.
"This (possibly apocryphal) story was told to me by my friend's wife at the dinner table, as I was very nervously preparing to make a speech at her wedding. I'm not sure how she thought it would help. I was planning to do some edgy enough jokes so, in retrospect, she may have intended it as a warning. Anyway. Some friend of a friend of hers was at a wedding of some people I'll call John and Kate. The best man told a joke:
'After John and Kate's first night together, John told Kate he'd make her breakfast in bed. He reappeared minutes later and presented her with a piece of lettuce on a plate. Kate asked 'Why are you giving me lettuce for breakfast?' To which John replied, 'I wanted to see if you ate like a rabbit too!' According to my friend, Kate took this joke very badly, and her family was extremely offended."
—u/deleted
9.
"After stumbling his way through he awkwardly finishes with, 'Sorry man, I'll do better at your next one.' The bride's father pulled him aside and tore him a new one right afterward."
—u/thesarcasmic
10.
"I've only been to one wedding, and it was my dad's cousin's wedding. My dad's uncle (the groom's father) did a toast when the groom and bride were at the altar (is this normal? Everyone around me seemed confused), and he said, 'I'm glad I made it out here today. I just want you guys to know that I have cancer and I'm going to die soon. Congrats to my son and his beautiful bride. Enjoy your time!' Everyone was in complete silence. It was the most awkward thing I've possibly ever witnessed. FWIW, this was in 2008, and the groom's father is still alive."
—u/backupcoin
11.
"I went to a wedding where neither family was happy about it. The groom's best man was his younger brother. The best man's toast to the bride was, 'We always thought groom would marry XX (points to woman at the back), but here we are, so bride, welcome to the family'...
...Both the groom and XX were former housemates of mine, and had been in a long relationship. I kinda thought they'd end up together too. Bride and groom moved in with her parents. Groom stopped talking to his friends. XX married someone else, left the country. I haven't heard from either of them even once this century."
12.
"Was at a wedding where the father of the bride was giving his speech and talked about his daughter's butt and had her stand up and turn around so everyone could see it. He then proceeded to talk about the bride and groom getting it on."
13.
"My wife's best friend/maid of honor called me the wrong name in her toast. The name she called out: my wife's ex boyfriend. I laughed it off at the time, but to be honest I was pretty humiliated."
—u/Moto341
14.
"Went to my uncle's wedding a while back. His bride had been divorced and chose her family pastor to officiate. The pastor called my uncle her ex-husband's name during the vows multiple times... My family was not happy."
—u/forthis_
15.
"'I can't believe you got her pregnant and haven't told anyone yet.' —(very drunk best man). Whole crowd goes silent enough that you can hear crickets outside; father of the bride's face just goes bright red in rage."
—u/jking11
16.
"One wedding I went to, the pastor started giving the typical 'marriage is hard work' speech. He talks about how many marriages fail and all the people he's counseled through divorce. He goes on about how on their wedding day, they're just like this couple who thinks they're going to make it but six months later they're getting a divorce...
...I'm trying hard to keep a straight face, the groom is starting to look like he wants to punch the guy, and I can hear people behind me disguising laughing as coughing. I keep expecting him to bring it around to something positive, but he doesn't. Fifteen minutes of 'marriage is hard and lots of them don't work.' Find out at the reception, he was a family friend. With a lifelong unrequited crush on the bride."
—u/deleted
17.
"Groom's father made a speech along the lines of 'we knew she was a keeper when he brought her home and we heard them fucking in the bathroom.' AWK-WARD. Well, everyone pretty much laughed, myself included. The bride on the other hand looked mortified. Like bright red. My table kind of all looked at each other like, this is hysterical, but omg, that's the father of the groom! He was pretty wasted from what I gather."
—u/lizzzellzzz
18.
"At my brother-in-law's wedding the grandmother of the bride was asked to say grace before the meal. My father and I happened to be standing by the bar after getting one last drink before it closed during the meal. We figured we would stand there during the 30 seconds or so while she blessed the food. She pulls out three pieces of paper, completely full front and back, and starts in on the history of the bride's family. Here is what so-and-so is doing now. When and where everyone has moved into their current homes. Updates on nieces, nephews, cousins' parents, grandparents, everyone. No one knew she was going to get up there and talk for 15+ minutes about people nobody cared about. My dad and I actually finished our drinks and ordered two more by the time she was done. I refer to it as 'The 3 Drink Grace.'"
—u/Jesterotr
19.
"Fundie wedding two years ago. The minister took the opportunity to make a 45-minute sermon, said 'obey' many times. He stressed over and over again that the bride will never have a will of her own again. She was just a rib to the man she was now bound to. Father of the bride then had his speech. He gave a long-winded telling of the disgruntled ex-coworker's shooting spree in the hospital. He told about his wife locking the door and hiding. He gave coroners' reports of where people were shot and how one person that had been shot in the head had played possum, then called the police. The father of the bride wasn't even there, but this shootout seemed to be the best thing that ever happened to him. He just showed way too much enthusiasm. Then to finish, he mentioned that the groom was the extra security hired after the incident and met his phlebotomist daughter. Then the testimonials began...
...The bulk was: It WILL get worse. Just get stronger with Jesus. Nobody shared stories of growing together and the adventure of raising a family. Nope, none of that. Life is over as you do your duty. It was like a eulogy."
20.
"My brother was my best man and told a very touching story about when I was 16 and lied and cheated to skip baseball practice to instead hang out with my girlfriend on the bleachers. I met my wife when I was 18. Thanks, bro."
—u/coderascal
21.
"At my cousin's wedding, her boss got wasted and told a story about her nephew watching porn in a hotel on a family trip. It came out of nowhere and everyone was sufficiently confused and uncomfortable. I was young and someone had made the mistake of serving me wine, so I just laughed and laughed in the otherwise silent room. They had to turn off the mic and then just closed the speeches for the rest of the night."
—u/squashsoup
22.
"When my cousin got married, most of the close family knew that the groom had been caught cheating multiple times in the past, but the majority of the people attending did not. During a small speech discussing the marriage counseling he had done with the couple, the priest went on a long rant about the groom's past infidelity and how he was confident it would not happen again. Given how few people in the church knew about the issues, it became very tense."
—u/proto04
23.
"This was at my cousin's wedding. My cousin and his buddy had a pact if you will, they would be each other's best men. OK, all well and good, only catch is during their toast they had to MOON the RECEPTION at the end of the speech. So back to cousin's wedding: He is giving his speech, yada yada known this guy forever. Then at the very end he is about to pass the mic back. 'Oh wait, almost forgot.' Sets the mic down, turns around stands on a chair, and moons the wedding reception. Bride's family promptly left. I think my cousin forgot all about that because he looked blindsided. Luckily my side of the family found it hilarious."
—u/deleted
Do you have a wedding speech horror story? Tell us about it in the comments!
Note: Submissions may have been edited for length or clarity.