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I Ranked 23 Pickup Lines I've Gotten From LA Men From "Immediately No" To "Be There In 5"

"Did you know pigeons die after sex?"

Hi, hello. If you, too, are single and struggling, you might be entitled to financial compensation.

Karen raising her hand in Mean Girls
Lorne Michaels Production / Via

JK. But we can at least bond over our shared dating app trauma.

HBO / Via

I recently moved to LA and was bright-eyed and naive in thinking that moving from one city on the East Coast (DC) to a larger city (LA) would mean a better dating pool.

Paul McCartney / Via

 Spoiler: people can suck anywhere.

So, as my own form of therapy and to hopefully provide comfort to others who are struggling on dating apps, here's a ranking of the best and worst pickup lines I've received from boys on Tinder.

23. The overly intimate greeting:

hi bb
Andria Moore

I'm already bored. 

22. The unintelligible opener:

Hi [smiling emoji with tongue out] cute
Andria Moore

It's me, Cute.

21. The problematic one-liner:

is your last name Hussein? Cuz you Saddam sexy
Andria Moore

Immediately no.

20. Come again?

give me your top & bottom few
Andria Moore

Top songs? Movies?? Sex positions??? 

19. The "let's gets down to business":

Let's skip the small, tell me something interesting
Andria Moore

Essentially, he's like "impress me." But no, YOU slid into MY DMs, you impress ME.

18. The wanna be relatable type:

How often do people misspell your name
Andria Moore

He's not wrong tho, it does get misspelled.

17. I...

Hoping this is the worst you've ever received but giving you a heads up that it's a joke :) Did you know pigeons die after sex?
Andria Moore

Love that he added a 'lil smile so I know not to be too alarmed by such a jarring question.

16. Not quite sure what this means...

Oh yum
Andria Moore

But I'm always down for yum.

15. The flirty, but serious:

Damn she my type [winking emoji] How's your Tuesday evening going
Andria Moore

I should have started singing Saweetie back to him.

14. The straight facts:

Holy [mind blown emoji] You're absolutely gorgeous I don't have a man bun but flying back to LA from NYC tonight- lemme buy you a drink when I'm back?
Andria Moore

Not that I don't love being called gorgeous, but sometimes it comes on too strong and then I panic.

13. The red flag:

You look too happy in your pics. You need some toxic [devil emoji]
Andria Moore


12. The "I'm so quirky and random" opener:

Goooooooood morning! What was the last thing that made you laugh really hard?
Andria Moore

Sometimes asking a cute question like this can work, and other times it just feels like a chore, because now I'm over thinking like damn, have I ever laughed? 

11. The conversationalist:

Andria, what's something under $10 that brings you joy? It can be anything
Andria Moore

You haven't been on Tinder if you haven't had one really long text chain going back and forth with a dude you know in your heart you're never going to actually want to get drinks with.

10. The straightforward conversationalist:

Hey're a journalist? Really? What was the nearest experience you've had as a journalist?
Andria Moore

Not to be confused with the general conversationalist — this type is more into chatting about your personal hopes and dreams, as opposed to random small talk.

9. The "tries to be sexy":

Hey andria (: you look like a good girl but every good girl has a bad side. Am I right?
Andria Moore

Really loving the juxtaposition between the dirty talk and the old-fashioned smiley face. 

8. The innocent fun:

Hey good morning Andria! Random question but on a scale from 1-10 how spontaneous are you?!
Andria Moore

Not bad, my dude, not bad.

7. The serious romantic:

First thing that comes to mind: 1. Beach w/ bottle of wine or bar/club scene? 2. Ham & Cheese hot pockets or sausage pizza hot pockets? 3. Dog person or cat person? 4. Horror movies or comedy movies? 5. Korean BBQ or LA street Tacos?
Andria Moore

Don't be fooled — he's most likely just in it to bang, but at least you'll probably get a nice meal out of it first.

6. The booty boi:

I don't have a man bun but I've got some pretty good man buns [peach emoji]
Andria Moore

No complaints.

5. The type that forces you to engage:

The person asks "Can I be honest" to which Andria says "Always". The person then replies "You look like the right mixture of fun and trouble"
Andria Moore

What am I gonna do? Not find out what he wants to be honest about?

4. The personality complimenter:

I feel like you're the fun/crazy one of the friend group
Andria Moore

I'm personally a fan of these types of pickup lines, because it's a way to be complimented that shows the complimenter isn't necessarily just here for a quick hookup.

3. The witty banter:

I'm Eugene Lee's long lost brother
Andria Moore

10/10. If you make me laugh in the pickup line and show that you took an interest in my life, you're for sure getting at least one date.

(P.S. Eugene Lee Yang was formerly of BuzzFeed "Try Guys" fame.)

2. Just an excellent pickup line, tbh:

Are you a bank  loan? Because you have my interest
Andria Moore

To which I responded, "I can be if you're ready to invest." 

1. And finally, the spot-on hype man:

How's that Pulitzer coming along :)
Andria Moore

This is an obvious winner. I actually blushed out loud when I read it. 

What are some of the best or worst pickup lines you've received? Let me know in the comments below so we can all cry through our tears!