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    11 Nov 2014

    27 Things No One Prepares You For When You Leave India

    "Can I get that extra, extra, extra spicy please?" -You ordering anything.

    by ,

    1. First things first: You may love the food the rest of the world has to offer, but you'll miss ghar ka khaana more than you could've imagined.

    2. Nothing you order anywhere will ever be spicy enough.

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    Forcing you to consider carrying emergency hot sauce on your person at all times.

    3. You'll soon have two names: The correctly pronounced one your parents gave you, and whatever the heck garbled nonsense non-Indians call you.

    4. You'll constantly crave hot, sweet cutting chai and no "Chai Tea Latte" will satisfy you.

    5. Despite being surrounded by all manner of exotic choices, you'll miss our perfect home-grown drinks.

    And you'll be depressed when you scour your new home and find no possible way to "taste the thunder."

    6. People know you come from a land of diverse cultures, languages, and festivals, so you're bound to get a lot of questions.

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    Why are cows sacred? Is the caste system real? What's a Modi?

    7. And a loooooot of those questions will test your patience.

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    No, I don't "speak Hindu" and I never rode an elephant to school and I also didn't grow up in a slum and then win a gameshow hosted by Anil Kapoor, GOD DAMN IT.

    8. Whether you prefer Hinglish or Tanglish or another of our hazaar made-up languages, you'll be looked at like a crazy person when you slip into it.

    Shree Ashtavinayak Cine Vision Ltd / Via weheartit.com

    9. But you'll reserve the right to resort to shuddh Bharatiya gaalis because nothing else is quite as expressive.

    Shree Ashtavinayak Cine Vision Ltd. / Via missmalini.com

    10. The "authentic" Indian made alcohol that they sell abroad will never taste as good as the same thing does at home.

    11. Going to a baseball or basketball game will never feel the same as going to Eden Gardens or Wankhede Stadium.

    Mike Hewitt / Getty Images/sportskeeda.com

    Eden Gardens, Kolkata

    sportskeeda.com

    Wankhede Stadium, Mumbai

    12. In fact, no one will feel as passionately about cricket as you do, leaving you watching important matches alone in your room / with your two other brown friends.

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    "Let's catch the game today?"

    "Sure, the Lakers are playing, right?"

    "I meant India-Sri Lanka..."

    13. You should prepare yourself for all kinds of weather that isn't just blistering heat.

    14. You're going to have refine your driving skills, because they actually have rules in other countries.

    15. When you go to the movies, the lack of dance numbers that are completely unrelated to the plot will baffle you.

    16. And your bladder will have to adjust to having no intermission.

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    17. You're going to come to the sad realisation that everything costs a small fortune and you're destined to be broke forever.

    18. Skyping with your parents will probably take the whole day, because a) they take 2 hours to get it to work, b) they then have a billion questions to ask.

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    19. You'll start rubbing off on some of your new non-Indian friends, to hilarious results.

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    20. You'll often get asked why your English is so good, and will never know what to say.

    21. During major Indian festivals, you'll miss home more than you can handle.

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    22. And you'll find creative ways to celebrate anyway.

    23. You'll be psyched for any opportunity to don your traditional Indian clothes.

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    Yes, the exact same clothes that you dreaded wearing back home.

    24. Every time you travel back home, you'll be sent a loooong shopping list of foreign goods to bring with you.

    Rega Jha

    25. And, when you're back India, you'll stock up on all the essentials you now know you can't live without.

    Rega Jha

    26. You'll feel waaaaaaayyyy more patriotic than you ever did when you actually lived in India.

    27. And you'll take constant solace in the fact that your insane, chaotic, wonderful country is always ready and waiting for you to come home.

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