1. Open toe sandals that are mildly annoying (just because they're always begging you to get a pedicure).
Skip ahead to your favorite:
2. Chelsea rain boots for any aspiring Gene Kelly. You'll be able to comfortably practice singin' in the rain...
3. Gold heels that are better than a golden ticket. Dear Willy Wonka, can you give these away instead?
4. Leather sandals you'll be able to wear with any outfit. Except maybe not with sweatpants! But that's totally up to you.
5. Caged heels with a completely misleading name. Your feet will not feel trapped in these bad boys.
6. Peep toe mules that have invaded my Instagram feed. Every fashion blogger and their mother has a pair of these.
7. Comfy chelsea boots referenced in the song, "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'."
8. Canvas espadrilles known to be a little shellfish. They're constantly asking to go to the beach.
9. Slingback sandals that are also very laid-back. These shoes go with every outfit, whether casual or somewhat fancy.
10. Kitten heels prrr-fect for any occasion. They'll give you some extra height without the aching feet.
11. Lace-up sandals that used to be on the varsity cheerleading squad. They never did get over their pom pom phase.
12. Espadrille wedges with a tendency to be pretty irritating. They're constantly screaming, "SUMMER!"
13. Embroidered sandals... AKA wearable pieces of art that may be sold to the Met. The negotiations are happening.
14. Embellished sneakers with a platform for anyone who wants to be taller, but hates heels with the fire of a thousand suns.
15. Faux suede espadrilles designed with self-tie ankle-wraps and vibrant tassel accents. Drool.
16. Pointed toe flats with a huge ego. All the "OMG, I love your shoes!" compliments have really gotten to them.
17. Old Navy flips flops guaranteed to last you the next 20 summers, plus the apocalypse.
18. Ankle strap flats for anyone who has an aspirational "boho chic" Pinterest board. These are a good start.
19. Studded heels destined to become famous rock stars. They're known to leave their fans feeling starry eyed.
20. Embroidered booties that require sunlight, water, and carbon dioxide. Meant for fashionistas with green thumbs.
21. Satin slip-ons you'll want to ~slip~ your feet into right this second.
22. Rain boots guaranteed to make you more appreciative of snoring. The old man's snoring, to be specific.
24. Classic ballerina flats that inspire their wearers to randomly burst out into "Swan Lake" choreography.
25. Studded sandals guaranteed to be your next summer staple. You'll wear 'em every day!
"Please! We need a break!" —these sandals, crying to me because I've worn them for three months straight.
Get them from American Eagle for $17.97 (down from $29.95, available in sizes 5-11).