15 Signs You’re A Stuffed Animal Hoarder

Appropriate for ages 3 and up. I’m over 3, still counts.

You have been cultivating you collection since childhood. You’ve got the bear your grandparents gave you at birth, the bunny rabbit you won at a carnival when you were 8, and then there’s the really cute owl you bought last fall. You see nothing wrong with this, because they all bring you comfort and provide you with wonderful memories. Who cares if you’re in your twenties? Your friends might toss you dirty looks when they see you brood of stuffed friends, but you know they’ve got a secret bunny or bear they like to snuggle too.

1. You have a dirty stuffed animal from when you were little.

The level of crazy hoarderness jumps up exponentially if it was given to you in the hospital. Like, when you were born.

2. This is your argument against getting rid of them:

And how could you ever hurt them?!

3. Each stuffed animal has a crazy, made up name.

Beary Bearington was as creative as you got at 8.

4. You have a favorite one.

Most people find it impossible, since it seems like you “have a million stuffed animals.” But one in particular is very special to you.

5. You have ones that you’re completely embarassed by.

Like, what the hell were you thinking buying 23 Care Bears?!

6. You have a stuffed animal for each species.

Bear. Fish. Puppy. Kitten. Bunny. Giraffe. Lion. Bird. You even have a goat, but you don’t like to talk about that.

7. You also have ones based on holidays.

You parents fed into your addiction at early age. Every Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Easter, etc. you got a new best friend.

8. You have no idea what your bed looks like.

9. Which means you can never bring a guest to bed.


Hook-ups? Yeah, no. That would be pretty awkward with Mr. Muggles watching you guys.

10. And, by the off chance you do have someone to bring home, you’re then forced to make room.


11. Which leads to a mental breakdown. Because how do you choose who goes and who stays?!

You’re not tossing anyone out, but the closet is so far away.

12. Speaking of tossing out, you’ve had multiple interventions in your life.

Your parents, friends, and significant other’s have tried and failed to get you to purge. They’ve suggested just trimming the herd, but that’s basically like picking one of your children and shooting them out in the backyard. It’s merciless.

13. You bought one of these:

“It’s a pillow. It’s a pet. IT’S A PILLOW PET!”

14. You have enough stuffed animals to make 10 of these:

15. But no matter what, you’re proud of your collection.

It can’t be hoarding if you find purpose for each and every one of your stuffed animals.

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