17 Things Everyone With A Welsh Grandmother Knows
"Where to is the butter? I need to get you another teacake, bach."
A planned visit to nan's means one thing: Welsh cakes hot off the griddle.
There's nothing you can say to stop her describing her weekly catch-up with the girls to you.
But she has no problem with telling you to shut up when her show is coming on the radio or telly.
She will scowl at you if you flash your "midriff", wear ripped jeans, get a tattoo, or forget to put a belt on.
And your changing hairstyles baffle her.
She will comment on how you are too skinny or chubby, then force-feed you with her bountiful supply of sweet treats.
You suspect she is running her own curtain-twitcher club and that she is the chief and only member.
It is possible to use her winnings at the local bingo hall as your main income.
Even though you bought her a four-slice toaster, she is adamant the best toast is made by waving bread on a hot metal poker in front of her coal fire.
If she sees the milkman, she'll start a rant about how "they're all crooks", just because she once received gold top instead of blue top from one in the '60s.
When you open the drawer of her Welsh dresser, you're greeted with this:
She is a bottomless fount of knowledge when it comes to dealing with life's big problems.
When she really dislikes what someone has to say, she'll mutter "malu cachu" under her breath, thinking nobody else will hear.
She will have taught you everything you could possibly know about how your ancestors were involved in mining.
She will class your significant other in the same way she classes all youngsters: as either a nice boy/girl or a bad lot.
You can bet that she'll tell your friends or partner or anyone who will listen about your most embarrassing moments.
Best of all, you know that you'll get the biggest, squishiest, and warmest hug when you meet because you love each other to pieces.
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