Expression One: The “Am I as Awesome as I Think I Am?” Face.
Usage: Most commonly in the pool, after a match, as subject awaits his standing — and the attention of cameras from international media outlets who will undoubtedly ham up Subject’s rare sort of pansexual hotness. Also common when Subject awaits instruction from a coach.
Also Seen: When Subject is dry, either accepting a medal or getting psyched up before a race. Occasionally, the “Am I as Awesome as I Think I Am?” Face is the precursor to speaking to a fellow swimmer, most commonly Michael Phelps.
A Photo Catalog:
Expression Two: The “I Think I AM as Awesome as I Think I Am!” Face
Defined as: The early stages of a full smile or, quite simply, a grin; the right side of the mouth pulls up slightly more than the left for a smirk-y K-Holmes flavor.
Usage: Most commonly in the pool when results have been realized but not fully processed by subject.
Also seen: Maybe before or after sex? I wouldn’t know, but I imagine Subject having this reaction to taking a girl home or watching her walk out the door in the morning.
Expression Three: The “Waiting to Inhale” Face.
Defined as: Mouth agape, lips either slightly or extremely askew, for the purpose of breathing while Subject swims faster than anyone in the whole world.
Usage: Always while swimming. It is the blowhole of Subject who is not a fish but has the most winning aquatic characteristics of one.
Also seen: Nowhere yet, unless Subject’s extreme feeding routine requires this sort of oral gymnastics?
Bonus Enjoyable Faces: The One-Offs
YOU GO, RYAN! WE LOVE YOU!!
- The death toll from Italy's earthquake rose to 247 people amid efforts to dig out residents still trapped in rubble.
- US Soccer suspended Hope Solo for 6 months after she called Sweden's team "cowards" during the Rio Olympics ❌⚽️
- Donald Trump's campaign paid a Barnes & Noble $55,055 to buy more than 3,500 hardcover copies of his book.