How To Throw A Baby Shower Like Jessica Simpson's In 14 Complicated Steps

The epic video montage of her "Charlotte's Web"-themed shower just hit the Internet — and anyone with a shower to plan can learn a lot about how to make it great.

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If you've been living on earth for the past approximately 11 years, you know Jessica Simpson is as pregnant as the day is long. She's so importantly pregnant, in fact, that the tabloids have started covering the fact that she's still pregnant.

People.com ran this story:

And Us Weekly ran a story today about how Snooki is mortified by the size of Simpson's bump.

The world's most important commenters are even tweeting their concern:

How has jessica simpson still not given birth to this baby? I'm getting frightened.— Chelsea Handler (@chelseahandler) April 27, 2012

But despite all the haters and worriers, Simpson is making the most of this joyous time in her life. Yesterday, she unleashed onto Vimeo the official video montage from her baby shower. It was apparently Charlotte's Web-themed, but I didn't pick up on that at all watching it. However, if you are one of those women in a position where you have to throw another woman a baby shower, you might pick up some valuable tips from J-Simps's, which was just about as perfect as baby showers get. I broke down the steps so that anyone can have as equally idyllic and joyous a baby shower as She of the Never-ending Pregnancy.

Step 5: Wear a sheer snakeskin-printed long-sleeve dress.

Basically, you want to look like a translucent dyed-blue python. (Who happens to have a really expensive hair dresser.)

And here's video footage of just what you'll get if you do all of that perfectly. Happy showering!

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