This guy may be the embodiment of the worst of Coachella — the unnecessary accessories and the lack of actual clothing are the hallmarks of the annual music festival, where many people don’t seem worried in the least about looking like they’re on a lot of drugs. Look, this spirit shan’t depart Coachella or any other summer music festival any time soon, but there are ways to liven up some of the festival circuit’s most tired — and tiring — trends. Here’s a handy guide to updating your summer festival wardrobe so that you don’t end up as that person who showed up wearing ten dead trends at once. This isn’t fashion week, after all!
1. See-through miniskirts.
Even if yo’ure an exhibitionist you’re not going to be happy when you sit on the grass and stand up with grass indentations all over your butt.
2. Trying to look like Criss Angel.
Vegas goth isn’t even a good look when you’re actually in Vegas, really.
4. Mixed aztec prints.
Are you doubling as carpet at a homestead in Sedona? No? Then let’s upgrade the aztec, ladies.
8. Jorts shaped like diapers.
Aesthetics aside, how is are these even comfortable for a full, sweaty day of dancing and reveling? Yes, your legs can feel the breeze, but then there’s the wedgies…
The digging in at the inner thigh flesh…
Like, how are you going to properly get down if you’re shorts are constantly digging into your orifices? Your dance moves will end up ruined by your need to constantly adjust your bottoms.
9. Floral head wreaths.
Are you a flower girl at a wedding?
Just simply a DIY headgear fiend? No and no? You are therefore ready to evolve that with which you decorate your head.
10. Ironic mancessories.
Everything from “Native American headdresses” that look like they came from Party City.
To legitimately terrifying hairy animal masks.
11. American flag anything.
About as overexposed at music festivals as the Kardashians at this point.
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