I Recently Watched The Movie That's Been Called The "Worst Made-For-TV Christmas Movie" And Here Are My Thoughts

    There's a fine line between "feel-good trash" and actual trash — Christmas Wedding Planner is basically using that line to play limbo...

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    by lima

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    Snowy settings, coffee shop meet-cutes and unlikely plot twists are par for the course when it comes to made-for-TV Christmas movies.

    a split screen image of two people on each of their phones
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    But no one does this better (or worse?) than the 2017 Netflix Christmas movie Christmas Wedding Planner which is jam-packed with gaping plot holes, unbelievable plot twists, and Joey Fatone

    Joey Fatone in the film
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    But Christmas Wedding Planner can't even be saved by Lily van der Woodsen herself — here's what makes it "feel-good trash," and what makes it just...trash.

    a couple about to get married, turned forward and looking at something in shock
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    1. Kelsey is pretty likable as a lead character...

    Kelsey, a woman who is the main character of the film Christmas Wedding Planner, looks nervous. She is wearing a red ribbon around her neck
    Brain-Power Studio

    Despite the occasionally-shaky acting, Kelsey works as a main character. She's slightly awkward, but means well. She does make some terrible decisions (we'll get to that next!), but despite that, she does really seem to care about her cousin.

    Plus, she has some *great* facial expressions — eye rolls, side-eyes, and awkward grimaces are all extremely relatable content.

    2. ...But who dates their cousin's supposedly-evil ex?

    Brain-Power Studio

    Kelsey hears ONE warning about how Connor treated her cousin badly and slides right on over into private investigator cahoots (flirting) with him — a weird choice considering they're so close that they're basically sisters.

    Speaking of that — the movie never really explains why, if they're so close, Kelsey didn't recognize Connor at the coffee shop? Gaping plot holes are kind of this movie's whole thing...

    3. The private investigator stuff is an enjoyable movie cliché...

    A couple sit in a van. The woman is laughing while the man looks over his sunglasses - they are on a surveillance mission.
    Brain-Power Studio

    YES, I know, it's been done a thousand times. But if there's one thing I love in a terrible Christmas film, it's low-stakes shenanigans.

    Seemingly pointless stake-outs, a poorly-planned dash to get a file off a laptop, and fake emergencies...this film has them all, and I will *always* enjoy the very mild sense of peril they bring.

    4. ...The dozens of plot devices that go nowhere are not as fun.

    A woman with brown hair stands outside a house, texting. She's wearing a red coat and smiling.
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    Why make the texts a huge deal all the way through the film, briefly reveal Kelsey's texting her dead mother, and then do nothing with any of that information? Why does the baker who got so upset about gingerbread care so much? Why do we see a montage of Lily van der Woodsen — sorry, I mean Aunt Olivia — drumming proper "Wilson woman" behavior into Kelsey, only for that literally never to be relevant?

    5. Kelly Rutherford is in it!

    Kelly Rutherford, a blonde woman, is seen.
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    Nobody does rich, society mom like Kelly Rutherford. Aunt Olivia is no Lily van der Woodsen, but she brings the same energy. Honestly, she's, like, 80% of what saves this film*.

    *According to me. It has a 11% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, so I think I'm in the minority here.

    6. So is...Joey Fatone?

    A man in a pink shirt stands in front of a Christmas tree, gesturing at himself.
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    Joey plays a friendly restaurateur and best friend to Connor. He's basically there to be the "nice guy" in contrast to Connor's "possibly sketchy guy". It seems like a weird bit part for him, but maybe I'm biased because I didn't love NSYNC.

    7. (SPOILERS AHEAD!) Why does Connor propose to a woman he barely knows, at his ex's wedding, which he managed to get called off about five minutes earlier?

    A couple stand outside a building, about to kiss. She's wearing a red coat, he's wearing a black coat.
    Brain-Power Studio

    1. You BARELY know this woman.

    2. You've kissed, what, once? As a ruse to cover up your amateur detective work? This is not a basis for a marriage, not even in Festive Filmland.

    3. She's your EX'S COUSIN.

    4. Side note: the ex/cousin is very chill about this.

    5. No matter how chill she is, though, surely proposing to her cousin outside the wedding you just blew up in smoke is in poor taste at best?

    6. Yes, obviously, her fiancé is a bad guy and it's good she found out before she said "I do" — but couldn't you have waited until she'd managed to have a good cry and got out of that awful wedding dress before you popped the question to her cousin?

    7. Aunt Olivia gets on board with this VERY quickly considering she didn't like him until about 20 minutes earlier and doesn't have the full story yet.

    8. I love that they made the *tiniest* concession to how ridiculous this plotline was in the script — oh no, we barely know each other! — and then immediately move past it, like "job done."

    8. ...And WHY do they then get married immediately!? I cannot deal.

    A couple stand in wedding clothes at an altar in a church, kissing. They're watched by another woman in a bridal dress and an older woman.
    Brain-Power Studio

    Again, this is so ridiculous that I'm going to need a list...

    1. A risky, spontaneous proposal *could* have been seen as a wildly romantic gesture. Following it up with an immediate wedding is sheer foolery.

    2. Where the hell did she get that dress? Where did he get that suit?

    3. Why is everyone okay with this? Where are his parents, his friends? Imagine telling everyone, "Oh yeah, remember that girl I used to date? Well, today, I crashed her wedding, revealed her future husband was a cheating asshole, then proposed to and married her cousin seconds later. No, you don't know her, I haven't even taken her on a proper date yet."

    4. I'm pretty sure stealing the wedding you just planned makes you the worst wedding planner of *all time,* Kelsey.

    5. Did all of the original groom's family and friends stick around for the spectacle (I would, just for the drama)?

    6. Given that Aunt Olivia has such strong feelings about blueberry scones, I feel like she would be far less cool about a hijacked, last-minute wedding, but that's just my opinion...

    Look — I love a bad Christmas movie. Even the really bad ones. And did I enjoy watching 90 minutes of vaguely festive nonsense? Yes. But this film spends about 80% of its time on weird sub-plots and sneaking about, and then 0.3 seconds on a wedding crashing, proposal, and marriage. It's carnage and I don't even think I can recommend it. Unless you really love Joey Fatone, of course.

    Have you watched Christmas Wedding Planner? Let us know what you loved, or loathed, about it in the comments!

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