Seven Great Holiday Gifts For Corporate Tax Dodgers

Holiday shopping can be tough. How do you know what to get for those on your list who already have it all? We've got you covered. Here's what we think is on the Christmas wish lists of some of the best corporate tax dodgers out there. If they're not on your list for gifts, they should be -- because corporations are people too, you know.

1. Facebook: SPF 75 for all those rays in tax havens in Bermuda, Costa Rica and the Bahamas

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These islands not only serve as great tax havens, they are also great places for catching some sun. Facebook will need some more high-SPF sunscreen to avoid getting burned while taking care of its over $1 billion in profits it just shifted offshore to dodge paying its fair share of taxes.

2. Apple: A new acrylic sweater for frolicking in the fields of Ireland, its go-to tax haven

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While Facebook has headed to the tropics, Apple avoided paying U.S. taxes on $74 billion in profits from 2009-2012 by heading north to Ireland, where it created foreign subsidiaries so it could use the "Double Irish" tax-avoidance scheme. A lightweight fabric like acrylic is perfect for ventures into Ireland's fog and moderate climate.

3. Starbucks: A new paint job for its private jet

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Corporations get a special tax break on their private luxury jets that costs taxpayers $370 million per year. What better way for Starbucks to fly home for the holidays than on a glitzy new "sleigh" -- a Gulfstream G550?

4. Microsoft: A new holiday cookie recipe

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Microsoft has a busy corporate Political Action Committee in Washington, D.C., and its lobbyists have been hard at work fighting for even more corporate tax breaks. Baking is a great way to show appreciation during the holidays, so a new recipe would really help Microsoft get a sweet "thank you" to its lobbyists' doorsteps.

5. General Electric: A wreath to hang on the revolving door

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The most effective lobbyists for more corporate tax breaks are the ones who used to work for Congress or in the executive branch -- and a lot of lobbyists and corporate executives end up in jobs in government where they can set policies that stack the deck in corporations' favor. The revolving door is a big reason that major corporations like GE get so many great tax breaks, so it deserves some festive cheer.

6. JPMorgan: A new wallet -- or maybe a couple new wallets

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JPMorgan sold faulty mortgages, helped cause a recession and then had to settle with the government for its bad deeds -- but it will get to take a tax deduction of up to $11 billion by considering some of its settlement costs to be the cost of doing business. JPMorgan is going to need somewhere secure and spacious to keep the $4 billion that this special tax break will save it.

7. Wall Street: Nothing. They got it covered.

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Anything Wall Street could possibly ask for, it can already take for itself -- thanks to a Santa-sized bag of special breaks and loopholes that lets it make some of the biggest profits in the country while paying some of the lowest tax rates.

Happy Holidays, Corporate America! Enjoy those tax breaks and loopholes -- they truly are the gift that keeps on giving.