38 Thoughts Every Adult Has In An Elevator
1. Hooray, no one's waiting!
2. Come onnnn already!
3. Really? 10 people just decided to take an elevator joyride at the same time?
4. Excuse me while I try to take up as little space as humanly possible and not accidentally grope you.
5. This box is not big enough.
6. It's getting hot and awkward and claustrophobic.
7. Pretty sure we're over capacity.
8. How much can these cables hold?
9. What if they snap?
10. Would the emergency button actually work?
11. How long would we free fall before being flattened to human pancakes?
12. Would it be like the Road Runner cartoon?
13. Could I pull a Mission Impossible in this bitch and escape?
14. I wonder if people have had sex in here.
15. Or does that only happen in movies?
16. Are the security guards watching me on a secret camera?
17. If I were a security guard, I would watch people.
18. The eyes, I can feel everyone's eyes.
19. Crap, my boss! Think of something clever to say.
20. But awkward silence is so much easier.
21. If I carefully study the Firefighters' Code, maybe she'll think I didn't see her.
22. Just don't make eye contact.
23. No. Why are we stopping.
24. I don't have time for this.
25. Just pick a button. Any button.
26. IT'S IN NUMERICAL ORDER.
27. Really? You need an elevator to lift you two floors?
28. Phew, everyone's gone. I can finally collect myself.
29. Do I have enough time to let one go?
30. If I do sneak a phantom fart and leave, who will parish in its wake?
31. This is my opportunity. No time like the present.
32. Ahhh home free.
33. Gonna pick this wedgie quick, too. And nip itch.
34. Take that, candid cam!
35. Finally! #longestrideever
36. Oh hey, Jim. Wait. NOOO JIM, DON'T GO IN THERE!
37. I'm sorry for what happened in there. Don't judge me.
38. Definitely taking the stairs next time.
Elevator Ride
Share This Article
