The Stages Of Being Sick

It's snot funny, but it'll give you the chills. The weather's a-changing and so is your immune systems ability to deal.

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Everyone loves fall, but we often forget that a side of sneeze and terror often accompanies our morning cup of pumpkin spice. Let's do a little recap of the stages of getting sick, shall we?

1. The initial tickle

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It always happens at the worst time. You get the ticklies in the back of your throat or the sniffles in your nose. The timing is always perfect too, right before a big function at work or an important date (ok, maybe it's just a tinder date. But you SURE as hell don't want to miss out on Mr./Mrs. Right, right???)

2. People start noticing

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So, you're like trying to power through. But then, everyone--your coworkers, your friends, even your morning coffee person--makes a comment about how you look.

3. Admitting it to yourself

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FINE world. Yes, I'm sick. Are you happy now? Going to crawl into a hole forever. Or at least till this passes.

4. Please hold me.

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Ok, what part of in sickness and in health did your husband/wife not understand? Not only that, but none of your friends will take care of you because *they don't want to get sick*. Ride or die my ass.

5. Going to bed. Forever.

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Whatever. You take an assumably unhealthy amount of PM nighttime drugs to numb the pain and hope to god you'll wake up in the morning feeling less like death.

6. The morning after (and not in a fun way)

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Nothing feels better. Your head hurts, your body aches, you have a fever, and every time you get up it feels like you will definitely faint.

7. Dehydration ensues

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You can't move, so inevitably you're body is slowly dehydrating. You begin to text your roommates to bring you water, or gatorade, or soda. Anything.

8. Naseau sets in

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You're existing without much fluids or food in your system, but for some reason, your body feels even more nauseous than ever. Is there science behind this? I have NOTHING inside me, why do I feel this way? Fighting it all back for as long as you can.

9. Toilet = New BFF

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You are a disgusting beast. You can't muster energy to shower, you have bodily fluids seeping from all orifices (tmi?? Handle the truth baby girl/boy, because this is as real as it gets). Nobody wants to talk to you, hell, you don't even want to talk to you.

10. Doing. Nothing.

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After you've had some intimate time with Lil John, you crawl back to bed with a bottle of water and a determination to do absolutely nothing but sleep and attempt to drink water. Phone calls, texts, emails--it all must wait.

11. Soup's on.

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After you wake up, you magically have some semblance of an appetite (score!). Time to get jiggy with a cup o' soup and some netflix.

12. Light at the end of this germy tunnel

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Everything is starting to feel a bit better, and you can see that an end is near. You're looking forward to carrying on with everyday life.

13. MISSED YOU!

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It's only been a few days, but being alone has made it feel like CENTURIES ...like really, now I know how a dog feels. HUGS ALL AROUND

14. Back to the grind.

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Sure, eventually the high of being back to your normal day will wear off. But, for now, you're pretty content with not feeling like the actual Walking Dead.

15. Then someone blames you for getting them sick, so you're like:

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You feel kinda bad, but like honestly the GIF above says it all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And if all else fails, let's just all agree to blame John Mayer.

I created text/Grace Helbig Owns Video / Via youtube.com