Look, sometimes the weirdest you will ever be in this life is when you're around your significant other(s). Those are just the FACTS.
And this week, when Reddit user FinSonic asked, "What do you do with your S.O. that isn't normal?" the responses were...SHOCKINGLY pure.
Here are just a few of the weirdest weirdos in love out there:
1."He dumps the laundry on me when it's warm and fresh out of the dryer, and I sort the socks and underwear from inside the pile while he hangs up the shirts and folds the pants. We call it 'Laundry Turtle.'"
2."We have a 17-year-long game running where we stealthily pin a clothespin to the other's clothes. Sometimes, no clothespin for months, and then BAM, one right in your armpit."
3."We do 'inverted kissing'. Instead of kissing the lips, one of us surprises the other by opening their mouth big and covering the other party's puckered up lips. It's like kissing the void. It feels really uncomfortable, but it's hilarious, and she always perfectly times it for when I'm expecting a regular kiss."
5."We invented rock, paper, scissors...with kissing! Mouth closed is rock, mouth open is paper, and tongue sticking out is scissors. It's devolved into us doing it randomly now, so that we can catch each other by surprise and win!"
6."I don’t remember who started it, but we've hidden the same penis drawing for the other one to find for years. She put it in my suitcase when I went away on a hunting trip, so I had to explain why I had a crudely-drawn penis packed with my socks. When I returned, I hid it in the bottom of her underwear drawer, which took her a few months to find. She then hid it again, and I still haven’t found it yet...that was five years ago. She told me I’d find it eventually, but I’m afraid of where it might be."
7."I dated a Swede for a few years and, when he taught me how to say 'I Love You' in Swedish — 'Jag Älskar Dig' — I remembered how to pronounce it by saying, 'Jog Racecar Day.' So, for the rest of our relationship, we would just say 'Racecar!'"
8."I wrapped her up in a brown blanket, rolled her back and forth in bed, and told her, 'Shhh! Be bread, it's okay, just be bread, shhh, loaf-girlfriend...it's okay to become bread!' While she cackled and screamed, 'NO, I DON'T WANT TO BE BREAD'...and that was just today."
9."We sneak up on each other and bite each other on the neck to assert 'dominance.' We use this 'dominance' to win trivial arguments like who we think our animals love more."
10."We have a 'Kiss Monster,' that visits my S.O. every now and then and gives him loads of kisses before slinking off again into the night...Spoiler alert: I'm the 'Kiss Monster.' It's me with a blanket over my head. We have never acknowledged that I am, in fact, the 'Kiss Monster.'"
12."While we're in the shower together, he'll cover his body with soap, wrap his arms around me, and then go up and down really fast so that he's rubbing the soap all over me to clean me off. We call this the 'Carl wash' because my nickname is 'Carl' and it's like a car wash."
13."We have 'the WYK rule.' If one of us says, 'Would you kindly blah blah blah...' the other one must – NO MATTER WHAT — do that thing. There is zero negotiation. It's mostly whipped out for benign stuff, sometimes for very silly stuff, but occasionally used in serious situations. It's equal parts silly, fake outage, and a deep, committed trust. It only works because we trust each other not to abuse 'WYK' or use it for evil."
14."We touch our butts together every night before bed and do a little wiggle. It's part of our routine now and must be done for optimal sleeping."
15."We have a mating dance that has gotten increasingly elaborate in the decade we've been together. Some example moves include slapping one's own butt, moving one's arms 'like a choo choo train,' one-handed clapping, etc. Some of the moves go out of fashion year to year, but we have a significant repertoire."
16."My girlfriend and I have started using very random and increasing complex pet names when we answer a phone call from one another. Sometimes I'll forget I'm in public loudly answer with, 'Hello my Persian tropical ice cream sweety watermelon minx!' Or something to that effect...it changes every time."
18."When me and my ex would get into silly arguments/debates, we used to 'send it to the council to be reviewed.' There was no council. There would be no review. It was basically our way of shelving a goofy argument that would never have a winner. Every now and then we’d ask each other if we’d gotten an update from 'the council' on what the judgement was."
19."We like to make up very elaborate stories about our cats' lives. So someone will go, 'Where’s Big Cat?' Then the other will say, 'Oh, she’s in Taipei today consulting with the Ukrainian Ambassador about the current standing of the silver industry. She’ll be back later though because tomorrow she’s chartering to Mars at 0600...'"
20."Whenever he sneezes, I (jokingly) shout as aggressively as I can 'SHUT UP!' To which he responds even louder, 'YOU SHUT UP!' This is everywhere. At home, in public, it doesn’t matter. It’s gotten to the point where I have to consciously stop myself from shouting it at anyone else who sneezes."
21."He absolutely MUST touch my butt at least once every time we go to Walmart. I can't even remember how this started, but it's totally weird if we forget to do it."
Now it's your turn! What's something you and your significant other do that others may think is "not normal" or "weird" Share your story in the comments below!
