23 Things You'd Understand Absolutely Well If You Live In Jakarta

Aah, the joy of living in the capital city of traffic jam. And floods.

1. It's nearly impossible to cross the road safely.

You assumed that vehicles would stop as soon as you pressed the traffic lights button? How cute.

A guide on how to cross the road in Indonesia

2. Traffic jam.

Jakarta's traffic needs zero explanation. Also, DO NOT even think about going out during Sale seasons. (See no. 6)

3. Speaking of vehicles, it's the den of motorcycle.

It's basically ocean of motorcycles with a side of sedan waves.

4. Jakartans eat all the time.

Meetings would almost always take place in a restaurant. There are buffets in nearly every events. Restaurants and street vendors are open for 24 hours. Your mum would ask 298342 times a day if you've eaten, and if you had rice with your meal. If you didn't, they'll basically shove them on your face.

5. Street food is always better than 5 star restaurants.

Pictured above is the INTERNET - Indomie Telor Kornet (basically, Indonesian's beloved brand of fried ramen with fried eggs and corned beef) you can practically get them everywhere, and they taste better than everything your grandma made. Not counting all the Warung Sate, Soto, Seafood, etc. Plus, they're very cheap. But don't expect Michelin level of hygiene.

6. There's plenty of shopping mall, and they're all crowded 24/7

With roughly around 130 shopping malls in the area, the city is said to be the city where the number of malls/inhabitants ratio is bigger than income per capita. /exaggeration/

7. People knows local gossip better than the latest political issue.

Soap opera actors/actresses wedding is basically our version of royal wedding. But we might have zero idea that the political representative we elected might've had long-run history of icky backgrounds.

8. Jakartans trust "Tukang Urut" more than hospitals to fix injuries.

They're basically freelance traditional massage parlours. Those hands are magical.

9. Absurd things are bound to happen during elections/national holidays.

I mean, what the frick.

10. We call people fat before we properly greet them and it's socially acceptable.

"HAAAAI lo gemukan banget!! apa kabar?? baik baik aja??"

translation: "HEEY you've gained so much weight!! how are you??"

11. Annual floods.

Nuff said.

12. Due to the hot weather and pollution, it's uncommon to walk in the city.

People would rather take ojek to places that probably only takes 5 min walk.

13. New Year's Eve in Bundaran HI is absolutely breathtaking.

Expect to book terraced hotel rooms in the area 3 weeks prior. They fill out like crazy.

14. Korean boyband copycats.

Some loathe them. Some embrace them. It's just the way it is.

15. The pop music culture is rather unique.

I mean, seriously.

16. We make at least 2 twitter worldwide trendings per hour.

At best, we dominate them.

17. Food hype.

Following the twitter hype, there will always be new type of foods that Jakartans would instagram the heck out of it. They changes every few months. For example, this former-hype Goods Dept Rainbow Cake of 2012.

18. The market rivalries are intense.

Oh, they just built another branch of KFC right next to that overly crowded McDonalds? That's surprising.

19. We have rivers and canals here.

But not the Venice's sort, god help us.

20. There are designated driveways strictly for city buses.

......and YOLO private drivers.

21. Cops caught you driving on the bus route? No worries!

You have two options--spend a boring wednesday at the court, or bribe the nice cop with a goban. He's seemingly more interested with the latter choice anyway.

22. For Jakarta's teenagers, selfies are sacred.

The flood turned our house into a lake?? HOLD MY PHONE.

23. Our current governor is a metalhead.

He's electing for president this year. It was fun while it lasted.

AND we have a geeky vice-governor.

He went to an annual Toys and Games Fair in 2012 and played NERF. His favourite DC superhero is Batman.

Despite of its quirks, floods, and horrible traffics, we love this big city unconditionally.

Now, which mall will you be visiting next weekend?