From petty pet peeves to safety-conscious red flags, these are the biggest dating and relationship deal breakers that women encounter.
Content warning: mentions of harassment and abuse from #20–24.
🚩 Starting with the weirdly specific and generally low-level red flags that guarantee incompatibility...
1. "If he has a pool table and a craftsman tool chest in his living room. And no couch — just the back seat of his old Tahoe. (Looking at you, Cody!)"
2. "Kind of a lighthearted one: Stay away from any guy who has fishing as his main hobby. My ex used to do 24-hour fishing competitions, and when there was no comps he'd still go out with his little tent!"
4. "Flagrant arrogance. It's not only cringy and annoying, but the guys actually end up humiliating themselves. I was with a guy who told me, very confidently, that he surely was the biggest I've ever been with. I tried to change the subject to avoid responding, but he said it again. I had to tell him that he definitely wasn't the biggest, and I silently realized that he was actually the smallest — and I hadn't been comparing before!"
5. "If he keeps his money in the mattress and doesn't answer his phone or let anyone else answer it."
6. "Not showing any interest in voting. I can't stand people who take their right to vote for granted. It's one thing to vote for a trash candidate, but it's another to just not care. If you don't show me that you have a clue of what's going on in our country, then I don't want to waste my time and effort."
7. "Not liking animals is a red flag for being a human, not just dating."
8. "If he invites me over to his place or wants to go to my place after the first date, he usually just wants a one night stand."
9. "If he doesn’t seem to have a life. If someone isn’t in school, doesn’t have a job, doesn’t have at least a couple friends they see frequently, or doesn’t have any real hobbies, then you’re going to become their entire life. You'll find yourself being called upon constantly to entertain them and be the sole provider of their emotional support, which is hard if you are in school/working/have friends and hobbies. The good news is that you can figure out if they’re one of those people on the first date if you ask the right questions."
🚩🚩 ...to more serious red flags that show how disrespectful someone really is...
10. "Referring to his illegitimate daughter as 'it' instead of her name. As in, 'Its mom asked me to come by for its birthday, I'm not going to its birthday party.'"
11. "Being a Trump supporter is a sign of an ignorant, misogynistic, abusive, uneducated a-hole who isn't incapable of rational thought or researching anything."
12. "Smoking weed and being dumb about it is a huge red flag for me. I smoke weed in the comfort of my home and I love that. But don't be like the guy who smoked weed around children in a movie theater and then yelled at me for wanting to leave because he wouldn't put his 'emergency bowl' away!!!!!"
13. "Never date someone who needs constant validation. They'll eventually go looking for it from someone else, and it will lead to infidelity."
14. "When they only talk about themselves and don't ask you questions to understand who you are or what you're like. When I ignored this red flag, 100% of the time my best interest was not at the top of his list."
15. "I literally had a man tell me that he understood women better than women did...and then he didn't understand why I didn't want to talk to him anymore after that."
16. "I get so weirded out by guys who say they don't do 'traditional dating' and refuse to meet in public for the first few dates. When a guy uses that line, I'm out. Same goes for any dates that isolate you (hiking, camping, etc.). Those dates are for later on, not first dates."
18. "If they expect you to accommodate THEIR hobbies, but they don't attempt to accommodate yours. For example, they refuse to watch your favorite show with you, even though they get mad when you don't show up for their hobbies."
19. "When they want your phone number before you've even met in person yet. Like, why??? We've been messaging on the app just fine. It's just a safety precaution to not share numbers until you've at least laid eyes on someone. (It's incredible how much information you can find out about someone when you have their phone number.)"
🚩🚩🚩 ...to straight-up alarm bells and flashing lights warning everyone to STAY AWAY FROM THIS PERSON!!!!!!!
20. "I went on a couple of dates with a man, and we both had an interest in serial killers. He said if he was a serial killer, he would target women because they are the worst and always screw him over. I really thought it was just a weird attempt at humor — it was not."
21. "I had a terrible first (and only) date with a guy who was a walking red flag. He lied about his job, talked about himself for the first 20 minutes, drove to the date and proceeded to get drunk, said 'so you’re mine now' midway through the date, and wouldn’t take no for an answer when I told him I could walk the two blocks home to my apartment."
22. "When he says 'you're so mature for your age,' and you're significantly younger than him and/or under 18."
23. "I went kayaking on a first date with someone. I like kayaking, but I have a fear of deep water that I'm working on countering. I told him that, and he kept saying throughout the date that if I weren't scared of water, he would have tipped my kayak as a 'joke' already. Noooooope!"
24. "Refusing to put a label on things. I dated a guy who did that, and he would even adamantly correct people if they referred to me as his girlfriend. I confirmed with him that this was just a fling, and he was like, 'yup, I'm not ready to be more serious.' So I moved on and went on other dates. Cue him calling to scream at me that I was his and how dare I, and then he hunted down all the people I had been seen with and harassed them. I had to MOVE to avoid this guy."
Note: Some comments have been edited for length and clarity.