So I'm taking it upon myself to catalogue every weird thing RFK Jr. does in this clip...for science.
1. Right off the bat, it's strange that the video opens — without introduction or explanation — on a shirtless, grunting RFK Jr. bending down to assume his push-up position.
2. At 0:02, the original shock of the opening second wears off, but it's replaced by the startling realization that RFK Jr. is shirtless. Why? To what end?!?!
3. But what RFK Jr. lacks in upper-body apparel, he makes up for by wearing jeans and a belt for some reason.
4. At 0:03, RFK Jr. finally attempts his first push-up. Admittedly, I am not personally acquainted with the physical act of doing push-ups, but I have it on good authority that what RFK Jr. does in this video is more akin to what an alien's idea of a push-up would look like.
5. At 0:04, a deep, disembodied voice behind the camera utters "let's go," the first spoken words of the video. It sounds more like a threat than encouragement, and now I have two questions: 1) Who is recording this video? and 2) Is RFK Jr. filming this video under duress?
6. Speaking of questions, where is this being filmed??? There's asphalt and gates and workout equipment, but I've never been to a gym OR parking lot that looks like this. Is there such a thing as a combination parking lot and fitness center? Sort of like a reverse combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell, but the number of shirtless men remains the same.
7. At 0:06, we begin to hear RFK Jr.'s audibly strained grunts, which don't stop until he rises to a standing position.
8. The asphalt in the scorching sun doesn't look like it's helping his performance, but maybe all that direct skin-on-asphalt contact is the reason why RFK Jr. looks like he's cosplaying as the crispy skin on a Costco rotisserie chicken.
9. At 0:10, you can clearly see the black and blue underwear sticking out of RFK Jr.'s jeans — none of that tighty-whitey beta male crap. Upon closer inspection, I was surprised to see he's actually donning the Hanes logo. (Is it possible Ed Hardy and Hanes had a collaboration I didn't know about?)
10. At 0:14, RFK Jr. slowly rises from his push-up position with an expression on his face similar to what I imagine people waking up from a hypnotic trance look like. He doesn't seem to understand what he just did any more than the rest of us, and I find that oddly comforting.
11. Nevertheless, he immediately snaps out of his trance at 0:16, as his expression morphs into that of a man who is proud of his self-determined "accomplishment."
13. At 0:17, he makes a "heh-heh" sound, which I imagine is his attempt at smug laughter, as if to say "take THAT, Biden!"
14. On that note, it's time to address the utterly bizarre video caption, "Getting in shape for my debates with President Biden!"
15. Here's my theory: In 2016, President Biden said, "The press always ask me, don't I wish I were debating [Trump]? No, I wish we were in high school, I could take him behind the gym." I think RFK Jr. wants to forego the debate entirely and fight Biden behind the gym (which would also answer the question of where this video was filmed).
16. Another baffling possibility: Does RFK Jr. think the Presidential Physical Fitness Test is a fitness test for presidential candidates...?
17. And finally, at 0:19, the cameraman utters something so upsetting, so bone-chilling, so deeply bizarre, that it will haunt me for eternity: "That's a fit boy."
In total, RFK Jr. did 17 super-weird things in 19 seconds, for an average of one super-weird thing every 1.1 seconds. That's gotta be some kind of weird thing record!!!
