If you've ever been a member of a parenting Facebook group, you probably know how absolutely batshit some of the posts can be.
Which is why when humorist and parent-about-Twitter Lucy Huber recently asked her followers to share a Facebook parent group post that they think about daily, Twitter delivered.
What question from your parent FB group do you think about daily? Mine is someone complaining they couldn't find a housekeeper who would agree to polish their silver.
Starting with the parents with startlingly unrealistic expectations for their children:
1.
@clhubes recently saw a post where a mom wanted 4 yo to get up quicker on their own each morning, get showered alone, eat faster and gather their things to be totally ready to go and get out the door. dare to dream, my friend
2.
@clhubes Mine was a parent looking for a futon or Montessori-style cot for their baby, because “OBVIOUSLY I’m not going to put him in a cage [crib] like an animal.” Total crickets in response.
3.
@clhubes the parent asking for a private soccer coach for their 2 year old
4.
@clhubes My favorite was a mom who suggested that her 6 month old could count to twenty in English and Spanish and another mom asked if that 6mo baby could tutor her own 6mo baby. I laugh about it bimonthly.
Then there are the out-of-touch parents in search of their very own underpaid Mary Poppins:
5.
@clhubes She wanted to know what to do about her nanny and her live-in(?) fraternizing too socially in the kitchen
6.
@clhubes everytime someone is looking for a sitter or nanny and because they want to pay $15/hr they always say “perfect for a highschooler! Hours are from 7:30am-noon” or whatever and I’m always like so…a high schooler who doesn’t go to school?
7.
@clhubes The UES woman with a live-in nanny who typed the sentence, "you pay for private school tuition-- that teacher is your employee and works for you."
8.
@clhubes Is it weird that a live-in nanny (“only 5/7 days per week”) had received some mail at their house?!
These parents would be better off calling a doctor:
9.
@clhubes The ones where moms post pics of their kids’ rashes to try to crowdsource a diagnosis really stick with me
10.
@clhubes Not a question but someone in my moms group said we know sugar causes brain inflammation then compared giving sugar to your kids to not buckling their seat belt.
There's no shortage of posts complaining about a spouse:
11.
@clhubes For me it’s always the ones who list 50,000 ways their husband is awful and then find a way to blame themselves and ask why they’re like this. 😭 Every time. It’s not you, honey! It’s him!!! 😭
12.
@clhubes
13.
@clhubes On April fools moms were posting their man’s numbers telling the other moms to text them as a prank.. a few months later one posted that another mom took it too far and was now having an affair with her husband LMAO
14.
@clhubes A mom venting that her 2.5yo wouldn't fall asleep bc her husband got him wound up before bed by playing while they were all watching The Invisible Man. You know, the scary, violent, man in a camera suit flick that's totally 2.5yo appropriate. But it was dad's fault for playing 🙃
Some parents seem to be in the wrong group altogether:
15.
@clhubes The moms who post pics of their living rooms/kitchens/playrooms/etc to request design advice; similar to the moms who ask for recommendations on a pool installer.
16.
@clhubes More a comment than a question: " I didn't see you at Christ-Centered Yoga today, again, Brenda."
17.
@clhubes “Does anyone know why that helicopter is circling?” But that pops up monthly.
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@clhubes The one I used to be in had someone trying to sell a handful of Bed Bath Beyond coupons
19.
The woman who lost her 10-carat diamond solitaire ring in Southlake Town Square and was hoping someone would let her know if they see it on the ground. https://t.co/gQxF2x66Ch
Good luck with that.
The occasional vacation-related post stands out:
20.
@clhubes One of my favorite genres that I haven’t seen mentioned in replies yet is for activity recommendations in vacation cities with super young kids who can’t actually do anything and don’t care
21.
@clhubes We had a rule about not repeating questions, but every other day, someone flying to Hawaii or Europe wanting to know how to entertain a baby on a plane. Grats, you're going on a fabulous vacay...here's a link to one of the dozens who came up with a thin excuse to brag before you.
22.
@clhubes Similar. Someone asking if they a. Had to invite the nanny on vacation and b. If they did, should the deduct the full cost of her ticket from her wages?
And a few posts are just plain funny:
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@clhubes “What should I name my baby?!?!” Like, that is YOUR decision!
24.
@clhubes “My five year old son twerks all the time. We’ve tried everything to get him to stop. Is this normal?”
25.
@clhubes mine is the post where someone asked, in all seriousness, “what kind of knife do you use to cut your children’s sandwiches for school?” i replied with machete because that is the only correct answer 😵💫😵💫😵💫
But at least the fun doesn't have to end when a kid turns 18 — there's a whole world of university parent groups to look forward to!
26.
@chewnibblenosh @clhubes Just saw one yesterday where the mom was tracking her 19 y/o son on life 360 and wanted to know how could she REALLY know if he was going to class? She was contemplating doing a surprise “gotcha” by showing up on campus unannounced?!