Here's the $44 billion question: Which social media platform are y'all moving to when Twitter kicks it? Everyone's hyping up Mastodon, but I don't love that it feels like the Discord to Tumblr's Slack — and if you understand that sentence, then you're legally required to touch grass.
what if instead of looking for a new social media platform, we all just got really into writing erotica about 17th century French nuns
Not to sound Old™️, but I miss the days of MySpace, Xanga, and AIM. Just imagine all the amazing away messages you could write with lyrics from Midnights! 'Twould be a modern-day renaissance.
Make sure you follow these funny ladies on Twitter...and maybe Mastodon too? TBD.
1.
when u make an excuse not to go out & they come up with a solution
2.
My 7 yo just asked ME when was his birthdate. I told him his birthday and the exact time of birth. Him: you know too much of my personal business.
3.
inflation has gone too far. abt to start dressing sexy on grocery runs so random old men cover me @ checkout 😭😭
4.
This lady on tiktok has one of them hairless cats… And his name is NUDACRIS. Just wanted y’all to know.
5.
the way simon cowell used to terrorize society and we would just let him
6.
I send way too many nudes for them to never get leaked. And when they do, the most embarrassing part - by far - will be knowing that I am the one who leaked them.
7.
my therapist: how are u? me: im ok how are u?
8.
“dasha is dating louis ck” none of those words are in the bible
9.
i can't explain it but this caters to the female gaze https://t.co/cn1YCs1oIR
10.
Imagine it’s your life goal to run 26 miles, it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done, you’ve trained for years, and the same day you finally do it, so do a million other people. That’s the NYC marathon.
11.
Signaling for the driver of the car with a Wharton license plate to roll down his window and asking “what’s your favorite thing about business?”
12.
My 3-year-old is devastated because her birthday balloon deflated. She’s begging me to take her to the gas station so she can fill it up. Seems like a bad idea but also I’m curious?
13.
one time on mushrooms i decided i should be living off nuts & seeds like a little squirrel, so I went to Whole Foods and blew my whole paycheck on nuts & seeds. then all week I had no money and DID have to live off nuts & seeds, and let me tell you I WAS SO WRONG. it sucked
14.
happy election day
15.
whenever you see pics of adorable babies with "i voted" stickers today, remember: that's voter fraud
16.
sometimes my dad will come into the room i'm in and demand i immediately down whatever drink I am currently drinking just so he can put the cup I'm currently using in the dishwasher, even if i've just made it and he's not putting the dishwasher on for another hour
17.
The funniest thing that’s ever happened to me as a parent is once my 2yo was having a full on meltdown and accidentally kicked an electronic toy dinosaur and it went “Can you feed me?” and my son, through massive sobs, goes “no I can’t right now, dinosaur” and continued screaming
18.
me when the maintenance man comes & my man not home
19.
We need a pop star that's the opposite of Mariah: someone who pops up late in the year with a hit song about hating Christmas. A Wariah
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