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Deep, Meaningful Questions Posed During Menswear Runway Show

The spring 2014 Michael Bastian show proved to be quite philosophical. Also, there were pineapples!

The very talented Alice Smith performed acapella numbers from her new album, She, at the spring 2014 Michael Bastian menswear show.

Brian Ach / Getty Images
Brian Ach / Getty Images

Her performance — right there on the runway — was lovely. (Though for those of us sat right in front of the speakers, it got a little too loud on a few occasions.)

Alice opened the show with her song "Cabaret," specifically. Enjoy a snippet right here.

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And note the opening line: "Where are you going with your life? What kind of chances will you take?"

I can only speak for myself, but I was not prepared for that sort of existential introspection on the first day of New York Fashion Week. Mainly I just wanted someone to compliment my shoes. (Spoiler: THEY DIDN'T, THOSE BITCHES.)

Who knows if the sing-song query proved particularly thought-provoking for celebrity attendees Kelly Killoren Bensimon and Cheyenne Jackson, respectively.

Cindy Ord / Getty Images
Cindy Ord / Getty Images

Both have had their life choices questioned on occasion, you see. But we're not here to judge, are we?

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Anyway at least Kelly and Cheyenne look happy. The question has sent this male model into a pretty moody pit of ennui and self-doubt.

Brian Ach / Getty Images
Cindy Ord / Getty Images

Another question for the ages: WHY DOES NOBODY WEAR SOCKS ANYMORE?

Yeah, as you can see this gaggle of male models backstage are doing everything possible to avoid answering either Q.

At least one of this quintet is texting a booker at their agency and asking if someone can come down to the Bastian show venue — that being UES glitzfest The Pierre Hotel — with at least a pair of ankle socks. #truestory.
Cindy Ord / Getty Images

At least one of this quintet is texting a booker at their agency and asking if someone can come down to the Bastian show venue — that being UES glitzfest The Pierre Hotel — with at least a pair of ankle socks. #truestory.

Anyway, it turns out the correct answer to "What kind of chances will you take?" is very simple. WEARING PINEAPPLE PANTS.

Brian Ach / Getty Images
Brian Ach / Getty Images

And thus, voila. Good job Michael Bastian.

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Or you could wear pants, which, though lacking in citric chic, are also amazing.

This is dapper man Nick Wooster being dapper (and slightly menacing, which you'd think would be a tough look to pull off in those pants).
Cindy Ord / Getty Images

This is dapper man Nick Wooster being dapper (and slightly menacing, which you'd think would be a tough look to pull off in those pants).

What Nick really needed, however, was (see below) some PINEAPPLE SHOES. The checkerboard Vans are, well, not so much a good look.

Brian Ach / Getty Images

In other highlights from the show that aren't pineapple-themed, there was a lot of cute knitwear.

Brian Ach / Getty Images
Brian Ach / Getty Images
Brian Ach / Getty Images

L—R: Bastian's "backgammon" sweater, a marvellous chunky cable knit and then a sweater with a parrot pattern.

Variations on this leopard-esque pattern showed up lots too.

Brian Ach / Getty Images
Brian Ach / Getty Images
Brian Ach / Getty Images

Please note the continued absence of any socks whatsoever, despite the fact that they'd look really cute in this pattern.

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As did variations on jaunty, old-school boaters and hats.

Brian Ach / Getty Images
Brian Ach / Getty Images

This is just a baseball cap, and it's also on the wrong side of the Atlantic. Oh well.

Brian Ach / Getty Images

In other cute shorts: these models.

Brian Ach / Getty Images
Brian Ach / Getty Images

Our dashing friend to the right here also wins the "best facial hair in show" award.

Whereas this bushy beardfest "wins" quite the opposite award. Sorry not sorry, but you can't show up on a runway in sweatpants either.*

*Disclaimer: unless you're wearing CHINO sweatpants, which just happen to be exactly what I was wearing yesterday. And no-one complimented me on them either, THOSE BITCHES.
Brian Ach / Getty Images

*Disclaimer: unless you're wearing CHINO sweatpants, which just happen to be exactly what I was wearing yesterday. And no-one complimented me on them either, THOSE BITCHES.

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On the flip-side of sweatpants, here's some slouchy-but-still-sharp takes on suiting.

Brian Ach / Getty Images
Brian Ach / Getty Images

More nice slouchy suiting.

Brian Ach / Getty Images
Brian Ach / Getty Images

And then also, just to finish, here's a male model who's actually named Adonis.

Brian Ach / Getty Images

Because really, with a name like that, the question "where are you going with your life?" is an easy one after all.

And the answer, in this instance, is the mens board at DNA Models.

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