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    Aug 5, 2015

    23 Things Only Columbia Students Will Understand


    1. Nothing tastes as good at 3 in the morning as a gigantic slice of Koronets pizza.

    2. It's 100% normal to get halfway through your meal at Tom's before remembering that they don't take cards.

    3. No matter how many times they shut down Crackdel, it will rise again – stronger and sketchier than ever before.

    4. You can only find the owl in Alma Mater if someone tells you about the ~folds.~ There's just no other way.

    5. You always feel a certain rush when Vampire Weekend's "Campus" comes on shuffle when you're walking across Low Plaza.

    6. Carman is Slytherin. John Jay is Ravenclaw. Hartley and Wallach are Hufflepuff. Furnald is Gryffindor.

    7. People always talk about having sex in the stacks but no one talks about how DUSTY it is down there.

    8. The grass is open for approximately seven seconds every year. No more, no less.

    9. No one needs to plan the first snowball fight of the season. It will happen on its own.

    10. What happens at Bacchanal stays at Bacchanal.

    11. We are the REAL "Blue Ivy."

    12. It's sacrilegious to graduate without getting at least one picture on that weird art throne at the 116th street subway station.

    13. Forgetting to change at 96th street means literally scaling a mountain to get back to school.

    14. Primal Scream sounds like the zombie apocalypse is going down in Morningside Heights.

    15. The Core can sometimes be a pain in the ass but you love how smart you sound at museums and symphonies now.

    16. If you live in Wein you get weirdly defensive about your pet sink.

    17. You've used your copy of The Odyssey as a pillow while studying in the library for finals. It has the softest pages.

    18. You've roamed Lerner at dinnertime just to get a look at which student groups are giving out free food.

    19. It's completely common to misjudge the Lerner ramps and end up on the wrong floor. More than common. Actually it happens every time.

    20. You know to bring a book every time you want to pick up a package.

    21. The French House is just haunted. So haunted. Stay away.

    Columbia University / Via

    22. You've stuffed your last dollar in the donation jar at Postcrypt because the vibe down there makes you feel like a real beatnik.

    23. And when you graduate you'll know in your heart that Columbia was the best choice for you. Alma mater on the Hudson shore, indeed.

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