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15 Signs You Are Dating A Sexy Ghost

They're not ghosting on you. They're literally a ghost.

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1. They have a name that no one has had in years, like Gertrude or Amos.

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2. They often allude to being present at events that 100% could not have happened in their natural lifetime.

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Wait did you just say you were at the circus fire of 1917?

3. You notice a faint smell of dankness around them. Nothing too strong. Maybe it's just cologne.

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4. Your shower drain is always clogged with ectoplasmic residue after they've been over.

Who ya gonna call? Ghost Plumbers :(
Ilshe / Getty Images

Who ya gonna call? Ghost Plumbers :(

5. You've never seen them eat. Like, ever.

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6. UNLESS your ghost has possessed a corporeal form, in which case they seem adorably baffled by modern foods like corn dogs and instant coffee.

It's called a pineapple and also we annexed Hawaii. There are now 50 states.
Studiobaklazan / Getty Images

It's called a pineapple and also we annexed Hawaii.

There are now 50 states.

7. They got a paper cut once and they didn't bleed and while there are several living conditions that would make that happen it still seemed weird to you.

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8. They struggle with elevators because the idea of ascending anywhere before they're ready scares them.

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9. Their hair and nails don't seem to grow, which to their credit saves them a lot of money on personal grooming.

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10. They always have cold hands and blame it on "bad circulation."

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And by bad circulation they mean "no circulation, because I am a sexy ghost."

11. They use all kinds of old-timey language but to be fair they might just be a hipster.

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12. They seem genuinely surprised at some recent social developments, like Twitter and civil rights.

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13. The sex is bomb because they've had a long time to practice.

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What happens in the Netherworld stays in the Netherworld.

14. Holy places freak them out, they won't even go into a church to look at the pretty windows, which is upsetting because they otherwise have great taste in art and that's one of the things you love about them.

Tomassereda / Getty Images

15. When you are lying in bed next to them at night, you can't shake the feeling that they're just not there and you are truly alone in this world.

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