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    35 WTF Thoughts You Had While Watching: "Gotham"

    Season 1, Episode 19: "Beasts of Prey"

    •Who are these people? Whose helicopter is that? What is this show about? I don't remember anything it's been so long.

    •Fish's nails are immaculate and new, which means she has a manicurist in the Dollhouse. Consistent.

    •She goes outside and meets "The Catcher" and his roguish troupe of handsome people-killers, who will henceforth be referred to as Catcher and the Dollies. Coming soon to the Coachella main stage.

    •"Usually the water does most of the work," says Catcher about Dollhouse escapees. What's in the water? Ice jellyfish? We're going with ice jellyfish.

    •With Alfred laid out, Bruce is making his own sandwiches for the one-man cop parties he throws sometimes. I'm proud of Bruce, he's growing up. Learning new things. Like how to be a man and where the kitchen is.

    •Anal retentive baby Bruce is like "please use a coaster," which is an amazing bat-detail.

    •While live-watching we thought that Bruce's sandwiches had ridiculously thick bread and lo and behold, Bruce gets all insecure about his bread. Just buy pre-sliced, buddy. Poors do it all the time.

    •Bruce has no idea where bread comes from.

    •Bruce is such a terrible liar, how is he going to be Batman? Jim is going to straight up ask him "are you the batman?" and grown up Bruce will be like "WHAT NO I MEAN ARE YOU THE BATMAN BECAUSE I'M NOT."

    •Doctors do not wear bandage dresses to work. That is not appropriate office attire. You deal with dead people all day, Lee. Dead people don't care about your sick gams.

    •The dead girl's name is Grace Fairchild, because Hottie McDeadgirl was taken. Slain Beautymeyer. Deadda the Lovely.

    •Jim is really confident that he'll be able to find a ~super sexy and secret~ speakeasy, which is pretty funny considering his idea of a cool night out is frozen yogurt and a PG-13 movie.

    •In a brief aside, Jim and Oswald's ship name is #Gobblepot, which really just tickles me senseless. Putting that on the fridge next to #Nygmobblepot, #Bee, #HarVic, and the politically irresponsible threesome dream sequence: #LeeHarveyOswald.

    •"My granddaughter is a beautiful, virtuous angel," says the grandma about her granddaughter who is currently getting her back blown out by a dirty guitarist. Girl, we've all been there. Some boys you marry, some you love.

    •Everyone, please send Gotham P.D. a dozen postcards with the message "CHERISH ED NYGMA" because he's a beautiful perfect baby and also you'll regret it if you don't.

    •And here we go with guest star Milo Ventimiglia, who stays young by mainlining the blood of an indestructible cheerleader HEY-OH!

    •Show me a single man in Gotham City who is not a complete and total fuckboy and I'll show you a man who keeps women chained up in his apartment for fun.

    •Jim's face coming out of that flashback is absolutely miraculous. Everyone around him is like "u ok buddy it looks like you were just watching a flashback" and he's just having a ~moment.~

    •Stop Letting Bruce Do Things 2k15 #hesonlyaboy

    •Bruce and Penguin have a "ships in the night" thing! Holy umbrellas, Batman!

    Gotham Would-You-Rather: Take a look around Jason's "50 Shades of Bae" room or find out what Victor Zsasz does in his basement? Trick question! You'd fucking DIE EITHER WAY.

    •Nobody's hair looks that good after spending the night in a millionaire's apartment. Don't ask us how we know that, but we do.

    •Still on Fish's nails. How is she going to do anything with them? I had to wear stiletto nails ONCE for a photo shoot and I hurt myself going to the bathroom.

    •"The one thing I will not tolerate is dishonesty," says Dulmacher, forgetting that he also does not tolerate BODILY INTEGRITY AND HUMAN AUTONOMY.

    •Bruce Wayne could take a few pages out of Jason's book and learn how to work the whole millionaire playboy thing, because he sucks at talking to girls.

    •ALSO we get a great Bruce character moment when Selina says she could have killed him with a brick and his DUMBFOUNDED delivery of "why would you do that why would you even say that :(" is truly delightful. Protect Bruce Wayne. His innocence is important.

    •"You need to get out more," says Cat, literally referring to the fact that a thirteen year old doesn't know where to get heroin.

    •In Jason's new girlfriend's defense, it is VERY easy to overcook lamb. The chops are so delicate. Keep them on the middle shelf of the broiler next time.

    •The one thing that tips Jason over the edge is this girl talking smack about his oven, which is pretty on point. Rich guys are crazy about their appliances.

    •"Call me sentimental," says Fish. Hi sentimental, I'm Dad!

    Alexis Nedd had nothing to do with that joke. It was all Daniel Kibblesmith. The dad joke was him, not her. She takes no responsibility. None.

    •Fish and Co. don't kill Dulmacher, just incapacitate him. Prequel senses tingling again.

    •Harvey says that the serial killer is known by two names: Don Juan or The Ogre. Those are two very extreme extremes. That's like calling a guy EITHER "The Handsome Eagle" OR "Dumpster Spaghetti Man."

    •Reggie somehow does not absolutely murder two children who steal his heroin.

    •And then those two children go forth to absolutely murder him! Catwoman Body Count: 1!

    •Jim gets bored with trying to arrest the Mayor and instead goes after the Commissioner because it's a weekday and sometimes, tropes change. Sucks to suck, Loeb!


    Until then, see you next week!