First of all, if Game of Thrones took place in a matriarchal society, then none of the show's events would ever have happened.
Our show opens on Catelyn Stark, Lady of Winterfell, teaching her eldest daughter and heir Sansa the noble and respected art of needlework.
Hark! Catelyn's husband, Eddard, returns from the hunt with gifts for his daughters. They are to receive direwolf puppies, the care of which will prepare them for divine motherhood.
A page brings Lady Catelyn news that her old friend Queen Cersei is coming to Winterfell with her husband, Bob the Royal Consort.
Queen Cersei arrives and offers Catelyn a job in Queen's Landing. As Hand of the Queen, Catelyn will receive a full salary, starting bonus, dental care, and paid maternity leave for as long as she maintains the position.
One night, Bran catches Queen Cersei in bed with Ser Jaimie. Bran understands exactly what is going on, as sex education is mandatory for everyone in the Seven Kingdoms.
Meanwhile, across the Narrow Sea, Daenerys Targaryen and her brother, Viserys, are preparing for Dany's wedding to Khal Drogo, a man she has met many times and with whom she enjoys obvious romantic and sexual compatibility.
Back in Queen's Landing, Cersei and Catelyn gently encourage their heirs to spend time together, in the hope that an organic partnership may arise between their two houses.
Fortunately, Sansa is institutionally empowered to recognize the signs of violent sociopathy and rejects any notion of a union with Joffrey.
Arya convinces Catelyn that her unconventional interest in swordfighting isn't a rejection of femininity, and Catelyn hires none other than Brienne of Tarth, lady commander of the Queensguard, to teach her how to fight.
Back at Winterfell, Ned receives a disturbing letter and travels to Queen's Landing in secret. While on the Queensroad, he makes sure to be at an inn by sundown, because traveling at night is unsafe for a man of any rank.
Ned and Catelyn discover that Queen Cersei's children are all products of her incest with her brother Jaimie, which in the context of more than 300 years of sibling incest in the royal tradition is not that weird.
While returning to Winterfell, Ned Stark runs into Tyrion Lannister. They catch up over a glass of wine and talk about their swords or their boots or whatever it is men talk about. Nobody captures anybody.
Bran is fine, Sansa isn't a hostage, Queen Cersei remains in power, Bob gets to do Bob stuff, Ned Stark lives, and there is relative peace in the Seven Kingdoms. Go figure.