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Dances That Even White Folks Can Do

Despite what Darrin Henson would have you believe, dancing is difficult. Especially for us honkies. But fear not, my Caucasian brethren. I have compiled a handy list of fallback dance moves for the next time you find yourself forced onto the floor.

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  • 1. The John Wall

    This dance, based on the NBA player of the same name, requires little more than flexing and pretending to shoot a basketball.

  • 2. Movin' Like Bernie

    Based on the dead titular character from Weekend at Bernie's, this dance just means a lot of flopping around like a corpse that is being held up. Bonus White points if you do it while skiing

  • 3. Smooky Dookie

    You just cover your nose and whirl your arms like you just smelled, well...a dookie.

  • 4. The Fist Pump (Regional)

    Brought to mainstream attention by MTV's Jersey Shore, the fist pump has long been a white mainstay wherever there is a dancefloor...or parking lot.

  • 5. The Fishstick

    For those of you who couldn't manage the previous entries, I saved the easiest for last. The Fishstick is a "dance" where you stand stock still and move your eyes.

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