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21 Secrets A Cab Driver Will Never Tell You

If you want to have sex in the back, then be prepared for a bumpy ride...

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1. People get it on in the back all the time – sometimes they even ask first.

2. When they are, deliberately hitting bumps in the road is a fun game to play.

Especially when someone's giving a blowjob.
clickontyres.co.uk

Especially when someone's giving a blowjob.

3. But the backs of cabs are often so grimy that having sex there is not a great idea.

multimac.co.uk / Alex Finnis / BuzzFeed

So if you just can't wait until you get home, bear in mind that you're probably doing it on a load of other people's old food crumbs and the stains of those who came before you.

4. Cabbies will go to pretty long lengths to return items passengers have left in their cars.

Some will even deliver them to you – and if they do, make sure you tip.
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Some will even deliver them to you – and if they do, make sure you tip.

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5. People who try to haggle over the fare are the absolute worst.

The meter is there for a reason.
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The meter is there for a reason.

6. Only marginally ahead of backseat drivers.

"Oh, I'll just direct you" are five words every cabbie hates to hear. Just tell them the destination at the start and if they really need help, they'll ask.
tvtropes.org

"Oh, I'll just direct you" are five words every cabbie hates to hear. Just tell them the destination at the start and if they really need help, they'll ask.

7. People really do offer sexual favours instead of cash, but it doesn't happen very often.

8. Tips should really be based on the length of the journey, but as a general rule, 20% is a good number.

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9. People who work in the service industries normally tip better than others.

Via tnp.sg

10. Some drivers prefer to piss in bottles than stop to find a toilet.

"I really want to pee" says my taxi driver. "Oh dear. There's a @Starbucks there". "It's OK. I have a bottle" he says, pointing at the floor

Which means you could be driving around with a bottle of someone else's pee just a couple of metres from your feet...

11. Some even use adult diapers, because of the pressure to pick up as many fares as possible.

12. Ratings really matter to Uber drivers – they can be stopped from driving if their average drops below even a 4.6.

This means, to them, a 4 is seen as a bad rating.
funnyordie.com

This means, to them, a 4 is seen as a bad rating.

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13. Some cabs have a crazy amount of miles on them – like half a million crazy.

14. Getting in another taxi as a cabbie is always interesting, because you always know if they're trying to rip you off.

15. Rush hour is great, because it means easy money.

16. You get people doing some really gross stuff – like clipping their toenails.

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17. Constantly talking to passengers can be completely exhausting, but it's part of the job and helps bring in the tips.

Bill/Phillips

18. Despite what you might think, not all cabbies are excellent drivers.

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19. Drivers hardly ever call the police when someone does a runner, because it's almost impossible to catch them.

That doesn't mean you're not a massive dick if you do it, though.
yellowcabhouston.com

That doesn't mean you're not a massive dick if you do it, though.

20. There's basically no better profession in the world for finding out celebrity gossip than being a taxi driver.

People will tell a cabbie anything, and then the drivers tell their mates.
taringa.net

People will tell a cabbie anything, and then the drivers tell their mates.

21. And there are a hell of a lot of unbelievable stories from regular passengers too.

youtube.com

A year as a taxi driver will give you anecdotes for life.