1. Mobile phones: Twitter: @Jpegydotcom I can't see this going wrong at all. Nope. Not even one little bit. 2. Cheese: Twitter: @BryterMoon SCIENCE HAS A LOT TO ANSWER FOR. 3. Bowel movements: instagram.com FIVE DOLLARS for a single poo?!!! FIVE DOLLARS FOR A PISS!!! 4. Clothes: imgur.com Dressing in regular clothing is just SO un-American. 5. Alphabetical order: Twitter: @King_Wylie "Fuck the rest of the world, we're the most important and we're going first." – America. 6. Ice cream: knowyourmeme.com Made with real bald eagle! 7. Nipples: Twitter: @AR1961 Why name them this? 8. Faces: Twitter: @krystalvivian HOW CAN ONE MAN HAVE ALL THE EXPRESSIONS ALL AT ONCE? 9. Christmas: Twitter: @wallaceme What's Santa doing when he's not delivering presents? Dressing up as G.I. Joe and shooting a shit-ton of ducks, apparently. 10. Butter: Twitter: @Pimacountyfair Why? No. No. Why? 11. Irony: Twitter: @Nokomaq Too much. 12. Both doughnuts AND burgers: imgur.com They're even GLAZED ffs. 13. Memes: Twitter: @Ben_Wagner42 Daaaamn America, back at it again with the taking a great joke and turning it into rampant capitalism. 14. Diamonds: instagram.com This just doesn't make any sense. 15. Politics: Tom Pennington / Getty Images This one isn't actually funny. 16. Soda: Twitter: @BillyHutton1 "Gosh, I'm parched. I could really do with a lovely, refreshing glass of artificial bacon soda," said literally no one ever. 17. Housing: Twitter: @desimartin123 This person wasn't allowed to fly the flag in their front garden, so they did...this. 18. Dates: Twitter: @giolololol America, getting stuff wrong since 1776! 19. Bacon: youtube.com Because cooking in a pan just isn't macho enough. 20. Pizza: imgur.com This isn't how food is supposed to work. 21. Money: Twitter: @myfaceonafigure God damnit. 22. Health: Twitter: @disfordazzle Each colour counts as one of your five-a-day! 23. Cars: Twitter: @turkanese No. 24. The concept of size: imgur.com No one needs this. 25. Beer: Twitter: @douchestin_11 "How should we arrange all this beer, Dave?""Leave it with me, I've got a fucking awesome plan..." 26. Tea: Twitter: @reptilepunk For when your afternoon drink just isn't shooty enough. 27. Just EVERYTHING. jalopnik.com You guys gotta chill.