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How British Are You Actually?

Ever used a giant Yorkshire pudding instead of a plate?

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  1. Have you ever...

    Said thank you to a cash machine
    Eaten a meal out of a giant Yorkshire pudding
    Gone to the pub for one and ended up getting hammered
    Sworn at a train
    Been at a party where someone’s played “Wonderwall” on a guitar
    Slow danced to “Angels” by Robbie Williams
    Said “ooh, lovely” before taking a sip of tea
    Had a beer in an airport before 8am
    Got sunburnt on the first hot day of the year
    Apologised to someone who’s walked into you
    Apologised to an inanimate object
    Played along to a TV quiz show
    Lost your shit when you got the “Countdown” conundrum
    Had an opinion on who should be the next James Bond
    Slagged off your hometown
    Angrily defended your hometown
    Drunk through an entire bank holiday
    Eaten chicken korma
    Wanted to order chicken korma but got something spicier out of embarrassment
    Taken a day off work for being hungover
    Argued about whether a Jaffa Cake is a cake or a biscuit
    Argued about whether it’s called tea or dinner
    Argued about how to say “scone”
    Argued about how to say “path”, “bath” and “grass”
    Had a barbecue in the rain
    Tutted in a queue
    Called a friend a swear word as an affectionate greeting
    Shouted “come on, Tim!” at the TV
    Shouted “come on, Tim!” at the TV when Andy Murray was playing
    Tweeted an insult at a politician
    Called a referee a wanker
    Drunk warm cider in a park
    Got really angry about Stella “Cidre”
    Eaten a chip butty
    Felt sad about a penalty shootout
    Lost far too much money to a pub quiz machine
    Had more than one type of meat at a carvery
    Called someone “old chap”
    Been to a pub called the White Hart
    Been to a pub called the Royal Oak
    Been to a pub called the Red Lion
    Been to a festival in the rain
    Listened to Radio 4
    Worn shorts in April
    Had the heating on in April
    Had an opinion on Jeremy Clarkson
    Got angry at Katie Hopkins
    Hated Piers Morgan
    Used someone else’s ID to buy booze
    Used a fake ID to buy booze
    Eaten a Greggs pasty
    Had the Wetherspoons beer and a burger deal
    Been for a cheeky Nando’s
    Drawn a dick in condensation on a window
    Queue-jumped and then felt really bad about it afterwards
    Got excited about a dancing dog on “Britain’s Got Talent”
    Made a hilarious joke about how Britain doesn’t actually have any talent
    Met the Queen
    Moaned about the rain
    Moaned about the wind
    Moaned about the cold
    Moaned about the heat
    Understood the rules of cricket
    Got drunk on Lambrini
    Had an opinion on fox hunting
    Got angry about the word “soccer”
    Compared your life to “Peep Show”
    Compared your life to “The Inbetweeners”
    Still tipped a hairdresser who just fucked up your hair
    Complained about the English
    Complained about the Scottish
    Complained about the Welsh
    Complained about the Irish
    Complained about the French
    Chased someone up and down the streets to the tune of the Benny Hill theme

How British Are You Actually?

There'll be no tea and crumpets for you, because you're not very stereotypically British at all. You need to sit down in a deckchair under some clouds and read all about the LBW rule – quickly now, old sport.

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You're not exactly Queen Elizabeth, but you're still pretty bloody British, and no one's going to stop you if you decide you want a barbecue in March. Good on you, mate.

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Bloody hell, you're more British than Churchill, Jeeves and the Queen combined. You know your silly point from your square leg and you've drunk your fair share of warm cider in your time. In fact, you're probably pissed right now...

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