Said thank you to a cash machineEaten a meal out of a giant Yorkshire puddingGone to the pub for one and ended up getting hammeredSworn at a trainBeen at a party where someone’s played “Wonderwall” on a guitarSlow danced to “Angels” by Robbie WilliamsSaid “ooh, lovely” before taking a sip of teaHad a beer in an airport before 8amGot sunburnt on the first hot day of the yearApologised to someone who’s walked into youApologised to an inanimate objectPlayed along to a TV quiz showLost your shit when you got the “Countdown” conundrumHad an opinion on who should be the next James BondSlagged off your hometownAngrily defended your hometownDrunk through an entire bank holidayEaten chicken kormaWanted to order chicken korma but got something spicier out of embarrassmentTaken a day off work for being hungoverArgued about whether a Jaffa Cake is a cake or a biscuitArgued about whether it’s called tea or dinnerArgued about how to say “scone”Argued about how to say “path”, “bath” and “grass”Had a barbecue in the rainTutted in a queueCalled a friend a swear word as an affectionate greetingShouted “come on, Tim!” at the TVShouted “come on, Tim!” at the TV when Andy Murray was playingTweeted an insult at a politicianCalled a referee a wankerDrunk warm cider in a parkGot really angry about Stella “Cidre”Eaten a chip buttyFelt sad about a penalty shootoutLost far too much money to a pub quiz machineHad more than one type of meat at a carveryCalled someone “old chap”Been to a pub called the White HartBeen to a pub called the Royal OakBeen to a pub called the Red LionBeen to a festival in the rainListened to Radio 4Worn shorts in AprilHad the heating on in AprilHad an opinion on Jeremy ClarksonGot angry at Katie HopkinsHated Piers MorganUsed someone else’s ID to buy boozeUsed a fake ID to buy boozeEaten a Greggs pastyHad the Wetherspoons beer and a burger dealBeen for a cheeky Nando’sDrawn a dick in condensation on a windowQueue-jumped and then felt really bad about it afterwardsGot excited about a dancing dog on “Britain’s Got Talent”Made a hilarious joke about how Britain doesn’t actually have any talentMet the QueenMoaned about the rainMoaned about the windMoaned about the coldMoaned about the heatUnderstood the rules of cricketGot drunk on LambriniHad an opinion on fox huntingGot angry about the word “soccer”Compared your life to “Peep Show”Compared your life to “The Inbetweeners”Still tipped a hairdresser who just fucked up your hairComplained about the EnglishComplained about the ScottishComplained about the WelshComplained about the IrishComplained about the FrenchChased someone up and down the streets to the tune of the Benny Hill theme
How British Are You Actually?
There'll be no tea and crumpets for you, because you're not very stereotypically British at all. You need to sit down in a deckchair under some clouds and read all about the LBW rule – quickly now, old sport.
You're not exactly Queen Elizabeth, but you're still pretty bloody British, and no one's going to stop you if you decide you want a barbecue in March. Good on you, mate.
Bloody hell, you're more British than Churchill, Jeeves and the Queen combined. You know your silly point from your square leg and you've drunk your fair share of warm cider in your time. In fact, you're probably pissed right now...