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21 Questions You Should Definitely Never Ask A Londonder

Can you move down the carriage please?

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1. Can you meet me outside Oxford Circus station? I don't know London that well.

Matthew Lloyd / Getty / Alex Finnis / BuzzFeed

How about I just meet you in hell?

2. Are you sure it’s healthy to be going to the pub five nights a week?

Thinkstock / Alex Finnis / BuzzFeed

I'm sure it isn't, but do I look like I care?

3. Would you like to come to my party in Epping on Saturday night?

I mean, I could come, but you know what I could also do? Not.
TfL / Alex Finnis / BuzzFeed

I mean, I could come, but you know what I could also do? Not.

4. You look miserable, why aren’t you smiling?

Thinkstock / Alex Finnis / BuzzFeed

Probably because you're talking to me.

5. I fancy a fun day out, shall we go to M&M’s World?

london-attractions.info / Alex Finnis / BuzzFeed

I've got another suggestion, how about instead, I just murder you.

6. What’s Chicken Cottage?

N Chadwick / Alex Finnis / BuzzFeed / Via geograph.org.uk

Are you serious right now?

7. What’s the point in all these big parks, can’t they just build shops there instead?

😡

8. So when are you planning to buy a place of your own?

rightmove.co.uk / Alex Finnis / BuzzFeed

Just don't even start.

9. Why don’t you just commute from zone 6 to save money on rent?

I quite like spending my life not on trains thanks.
TfL / Alex Finnis / BuzzFeed

I quite like spending my life not on trains thanks.

10. Actually, why don’t you just move up North?

You mean, apart from the fact that my job and all my friends are here?
Thinkstock / Alex Finnis / BuzzFeed

You mean, apart from the fact that my job and all my friends are here?

11. Can you move down the carriage please?

Oli Scarff / Getty / Alex Finnis / BuzzFeed

If I could move at all that would be nice.

12. It’s fine if I just play this music through my phone speakers on the bus, right?

Sure, but I'll be putting this question on your tombstone.
livemaguk.com

Sure, but I'll be putting this question on your tombstone.

13. I’d love to go on a date with you – how does Angus Steakhouse sound?

Like you're probably going to be eating alone.
commons.wikimedia.org / Alex Finnis / BuzzFeed

Like you're probably going to be eating alone.

14. Shall we take the cable car? What a cool and fun idea that was.

Matthew Lloyd / Getty / Alex Finnis / BuzzFeed

How about you take the cable car, and I stand at the other side and cut the cables?

15. If pubs are so expensive here, why don’t you just drink at home?

Because then I will be drinking alone and will have to face up to my alcohol problem.
Stockbyte / Getty Images / Alex Finnis / BuzzFeed

Because then I will be drinking alone and will have to face up to my alcohol problem.

16. Dogs on the tube? Isn’t that kind of unhygienic?

Says the person sneezing then putting their hand back on the rail ಠ_ಠ.
Leon Neal / Getty Images

Says the person sneezing then putting their hand back on the rail ಠ_ಠ.

17. I need to grab a couple of bits, can you come with me to Westfield?

en.wikipedia.org / Alex Finnis / BuzzFeed

Of course I'll come with you, I love making myself deeply unhappy.

18. What colour line are we taking?

Don't make me answer this in public.
Robin Edds / BuzzFeed / TfL

Don't make me answer this in public.

19. Can we go to that cereal cafe?

No.
Matthew Tucker / BuzzFeed

No.

20. If you fancy that person on the tube so much why don’t you just ask them out?

Daniel Berehulak / Getty / Alex Finnis / BuzzFeed

Because that is creepy and also have you seen me?

21. How are you?

Dan Kitwood / Getty / Alex Finnis / BuzzFeed

Fuck off.