1. This asshole, who gives absolutely zero fucks.
2. This asshole, who says fuck your human hygiene.
3. This asshole, whose only goal in life is to make you anxious and sad.
4. This asshole who just loves to fuck shit up.
5. This asshole, who will wake you up in the worst way.
6. Until you meet this total asshole.
7. This asshole, who has no respect for your privacy.
8. This asshole, who is the reason security deposits exist.
9. This asshole who's tired of your shitty games.
10. This asshole, who is trying to hide the fact he is an asshole so he can keep being an asshole.
11. This asshole who loves rich food.
12. This asshole, who doesn't give a fuck about your special day.
13. This asshole committing life's biggest crime.
14. This asshole, who is secretly delighted with herself.
15. This asshole, who can't even be original.
16. This asshole, who has no time for your damn affection.
17. This asshole, who knows you're fucked.
18. This asshole, who's prepared to let you suffer in her bid to look fabulous as hell.
19. This asshole who didn't have to pay extra for toppings.
20. This sly fucking asshole, who will always get the better of you.
21. This asshole, who flushes his human's toilet while she's sitting on it.
22. This asshole, who has no respect for religion.
23. This asshole who will not be papped.
24. But most of all, this bona fide, 100%, deliberately malicious asshole.
