cupcakesn. confections invented in the Fall of 2013 in an attempt to cure the emotional trauma induced by AMC's final season of Breaking Bad.
cross reference: fetal position, xanax, all of the wine
At least I'm pretty sure that's the definition.
But in any case, if you along with the entirety of the internet needed 3 cigarettes and a Xanax after last Sunday's Breaking Bad, we can be sure that Vince Gilligan has even more in store for the series finale. We're all definitely going to need something to help us get through the Breaking Bad PTSD.
And the answer to our problems is meth.
Cupcakes. I meant the answer is cupcakes.
So come along ! You definitely don't want to show up to a Breaking Bad finale party empty-handed. Which means as Walt might say…
Baking Bad: The Cupcake Tutorial
What you'll need:
- Cupcake mix
- (Walter) White frosting
- Eggs
- Vegetable Oil
- White rolled fondant (available at craft stores)
- Sugar Sheets - Green (available at craft stores)
- Sugar Sheets - Blue (available at craft stores)
- Sugar Sheets - Black (available at craft stores)
- Scissors
- Exacto Blade
- Food Coloring
- Rolling Pin
- 99.1% Blue Crystal Meth (substituting this with rock candy is okay if you're a huge bitch)
Instructions:
1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Thus setting up the superlab for reactions.
2. Prepare your cupcake mix from scratch or from a mix.
3. While the cupcakes are baking, take this time to enjoy some Los Pollos Hermanos and/or prepare the different types of toppings.
A. Team Walt Cupcakes (Heisenberg vs. Mr. White)
Heisenberg:
1. Cut out three rectangles from the black sugar sheets.
2. Use the exacto blade to trace and cut out the silhouette of Heisenberg in three parts, like so.
3. Apply to white frosted cupcake.
Mr. White:
1. Roll white fondant into a flat sheet with a small rolling pin.
2. Use a knife or exacto to cut out W-H-I-T-E letters.
3. Adhere to a blue frosted cupcake.
B. Team Jesse Cupcakes (Pinkman, Bitch)
Pinkman Cupcake
1. Add 1-3 drops of red food coloring to the white fondant to turn it pink (use your judgement to determine which shade you would like).
2. Roll pink fondant into a flat sheet with a small rolling pin.
3. Use a knife or exacto to cut out P-I-N-K letters.
4. Adhere to a blue frosted cupcake.
"Science Bitch!" Cupcake
1. Use scissors to cut out a speech bubble from the blue sugar sheet.
2. Use a decorating bag filled with white icing to spell out "S-C-I-E-N-C-E" and follow it up with Jesse's favorite word.
Voila! Now you have both:
C. Elemental Symbols, Blue Sky, Lily of the Valley
Breaking Bad Elemental Symbols:
1. Cut two matching squares out of green sugar sheets
2. Cut "Br" and "Ba" out of white fondant.
3. Secure to the sugar sheets with a small amount of frosting.
Blue Sky:
1. This one's a piece of cake. Just frost a few cupcakes and sprinkle some blue rock candy on top.
Lily of the Valley:
1. Roll out white fondant.
2. Cut small floral shapes (5-6 petals) from the fondant. You can use this as a stencil if desired.
3. Pinch the middle of the flower cutout to add 3D shape.
4. Use frosting or sugar sheets for leaf details.
*disclaimer, do not feed to children*
Congratulations, you're done! 
Feel free to celebrate in your hazmat suit.
And it might just be the meth talking, but I think the cupcakes have something to say…….
See you all next time!
Share This Article
