7 Toy Suggestions For Santa

As written by my 19-month-old son.

buzzfeed.com

Dear Santa,

My mom is crazy if she thinks I'm going to ask for health, happiness, world peace or one of the other abstract notions she keeps pushing. I'm not even two. Those are pretty intense ideas to wrap my head around. At this point, I can't even say my own name. And what is happiness, really? It's such a subjective concept.

But I’ll get to the point.

Santa, I think you and your elves need some suggestions from a toddler to help you create some new, improved, and SUPER AMAZING toys. So I'm taking the liberty of offering you some ingenious ideas. You can thank me later -- by delivering all the items below!

Love,

Edward

p.s. Mom says you are on a diet so I shouldn't bother making you cookies. Is this true?

1. An iPhone with a Siri who is fluent in 'Toddler'

cdn.cultofmac.com

She's constantly saying, "I don't think I understand" and we never seem to get anywhere. I think we're both really frustrated at this point. The other day, I asked for "Elmo" and she gave me directions to something called "the nearest Mobil station." Admittedly, I pronounce Elmo "mo-mo" but COME ON. She needs to make some sort of effort. I'm sure toddlers around the world can relate to this miscommunication madness.

2. Different flavors for crayons

greenteadesign.com

Don't get me wrong, crayons are already delectable and so much fun to eat (or even to shove up one’s nose) but the fact that they come in an assortment of colors is downright misleading because they all taste EXACTLY THE SAME. Can you fix this?

3. A portable water bowl toy

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This bowl toy is great for throwing objects into but it seems it cannot be moved out of the bathroom and my mom won't let me play in the bathroom unsupervised. She always follows me in when I try to feed the toy and yells, "NOOOOO! Not my lipstick! Not the baby monitor! Gross!" and makes me go play in the living room. Talk about a killjoy. If you could design a water bowl toy that is portable so kids could play with it in the living room (or better yet their bedrooms), I think that would be fantastic!

4. One of these but one that won't freak out or freeze or shut down when you bang really hard on all the keys at once

asset1.cbsistatic.com

5. A cat with more than one tail

spcaswiftcurrent.com

Pulling on a cat's tail is supremely entertaining but I think the experience could be enhanced if there were more options or if children had the opportunity to pull three or four tails at once. Just a thought.

6. One of these (without the plastic shield)

westchesterhomeowner.com

I discovered this toy many months ago and it was an absolute delight. I especially recommend trying to force one's tongue into the holes. The problem is that my parents seem to have purchased new ones and they are ensconced in what appear to be plastic shields. They're now absolutely useless to me. If the older version is no longer available, I think you should consider remaking it. That way, children can stick forks and fingers into the openings without difficulty. You couldn't go wrong making the holes a little bit bigger, too.

7. A longer version of the song "Mistletoe"

buzzworthy.mtv.com

I love this song so very much! But it always seems to end after only a few minutes (fewer if my parents are in the room for some reason). Is it possible that you could contact the singer (I believe his name is Justin Beaver) and ask him to create a much longer version that could play for at least an hour or more? I figured since it's a Christmas song that maybe he is one of your employees or elves? Trust me, children everywhere will love you for it!